A True Blood Community
HBO (ended 2014)
It's undeniable truth that True Blood is a show made for entertaining purposes, for popcorn-level fan. But "when" is the upcoming moment the show just becomes way too convenient or even ridiculous? With its final season, True Blood won't have you wondering for long. Fire in the Hole happened and it left a mark Trubies won't be satisfied with. I am doing this review only because this one episode gave me the motivation to. I just have to take this out of me.

So, the episode begins with ours truly Sarah Newlin doing yoga with some other folks. As the world falls apart and cities are being wiped out while the government and the army are nowhere to be found, there is a place some folks do yoga. OK.

Then, after the opening credits that we all love, we get to see Pam trying to motivate Eric to give up the reason he gave up.

Am I asking for too much if I can't accept this from Eric? His personality was always the exact opposite. If Nora's death is what caused it, then I don't see why they weren't closer all that time. And Godric must have shocked him much more than Nora; yet he got over it really soon... He mentioned Sookie, that she is gone too. Is this really the deal? Because the Eric I know wouldn't stop trying to claim her. Ah, Eric, your writers need a slap or two for the character instability issues they have been throwing at you for the last seasons. Or perhaps a good bite.

For our first sex scene of the episode the writers will dive in fanfic again and they found a girl in France whose father has land with grapes and had Eric as a worker (?) and he has fallen in love with her, despite Pam said once "For more than 100 years I've watched him seduce princesses and models and spit out their bones when he finished...". This so-random and cheesy French fanfic with Eric taking grapes from the valley to feed the girl had me eye rolling for 45 seconds.

As for the girl, she knows what he is and she gets orgasms when Eric sink those big fangs on her neck, kissing her and spitting her blood in her own mouth!

It doesn't take much to realize that all people in True Blood's world are masochists of some kind; and really fearless. It really scares me. It's the true horror element of this show.

As they do what Eric does best, my all-time-favorite bitchy vampie comes out of nowhere!

"Bravo, Mr.Northman!"

Nan was there to inform them that the Vampire Internal Revenue Service of France is looking for them to pay their taxes and register to the kingdom.

Nan seemed to be really impressed with Eric's machine gun which makes me wonder once again - what vampires... ehm... you know... Since even their tears are blood, I guess... Ewwww!

Then, she informed them that they will soon reveal the vampire race since they have synthesized human blood. And they wanted Eric for... what? No clue. They only told him that Nora will be Authority and that's it. Which really makes me wonder... Pam supposedly didn't know of Nora. So, why didn't she ask - and I quote "Who the f%$ is she?"

Eric told her to do what he wanted to do with the French girl and Nan left warning them that she will deliver the message. Pam was quite worried but one touch of Eric and you know you are safe. Poor Pam...

Now, the time for the male Barbie doll to appear. The "character" which all it does is just standing there shirtless. Disrespectful for the "character" and the actor if you ask me.

But no. Alcide is 1% smarter in this episode (or 1000%) and realizes that Sookie was gone and he start smelling everything to find her only to be directed to Bill's house. He was surely unhappy. He even destroyed that great front door Bill has.

Back at his car, Bill explains to Sookie that she needs to drink his blood all over again because his present blood has nothing to do with his past blood with the Lilith crap arc. While we still have no clue what Sookie has in mind, we will be later informed that Sookie, that mindless creature wants to use herself as bait and brought Bill for... what reason? To protect her? She knows that Bill is one vampire and fairly new, the H-vamps hunt in groups. Her plan, of course, was to take her wherever the others are being held captive and then Bill would use the vampire blood GPS to find her AND the rest of the kidnapped.

You couldn't care less just when we finally saw one of the few redeeming characters left in this show, Adilyn. Imprisoned as they were, she and Arlene's boy had only one thing to talk about.

Once again, in True Blood world there is nothing to talk about rather than sex. Even when you are held captive and it's probably your last hours on Earth. But, thank God, Andy came just in time using Jessica's blood GPS in Adilyn to find and release them.

Immediately after the cheesy scene, we get a way-too-serious scene where the Reverend and the mayor of this town are discussing how death comes to everyone without warning them first to make their last preparations. You better be prepared for the unexpected, guys. You never know when it's coming. It's the rule.

The not-so-familiar in True Blood philosophical debate is being disrupted by Tara's mother who is now high on Willa's blood. Needless to say that this repetitive but at least it doesn't feel as bad as the next scene where Sam and the vamp who glamoured Terry had to pull over because the town's folks, armed with guns, where waiting for them. One shot and bam, the irrelevant vampire is gone. Because the town folks are great at aiming hearts. They were doing it for years.

But wait for it, it only now starts getting irritating. The folks know that their mayor is a dog. Or not? They don't care to know what he is. They just know he is a "freak" - or "beardog". But since they know he is not drinking their blood, they just wanted him out of the town. They offered him a way out. Fair enough. But, no. Sam had to show off and turn into an owl to escape when he was never imprisoned to begin with. Duh...

But what about Jason? He, goodness, wanted to adopt a baby with Violet because he envied Andy for telling that in times like this, a man is nothing without a family! After licking Warlow's throat and unbuttoning Eric's trousers, Jason felt insecure in his own twisted logic. Of course, Violet was there to inform him that the adopted baby would become excellent meal for the H-vamps.

Disrupting this meaningless conversation, Andy and Jessica come in only to throw a bomb; that they believe the town folks who stole the guns are after Sookie. Why? Because Sookie is nowhere to be found and they found her front door open. This is typical Sookie. Why worry? And why those brainless folks would want to kill Sookie? They hate her alright, but kill her? Isn't it a bit too much?

Lala... Ah, Lala, what can we say about him? He is mind-blowing and he knows it. You will now see him dancing and listening to music after his cousin died and doesn't care that the world is ending as he knows it.

Then the re-casted James came. Which, once again, makes me wonder... Why won't he go to Jessica? Aren't they together? And where has he been all the day? Before you start with the mystery James, know that mystery James is the first vampire who likes to go high with human drugs by drinking junkie blood. And that's how he and Lala will have a great journey, an epic adventure in a realm far far away... Sigh... I won't be recapping this...

Meanwhile, Holly remembered that she was a witch and tried to cast a protection spell. The same one from Season 4 finale. What she failed to remember is that in this show's universe, the ridiculously wide variety of supernatural beings are highly unbalanced. Excluding vampires, all the other supernaturals are there for decoration purposes. They don't have any real power. Only vamps do. And so the H-vamps will collect her to go for a hunt using her as bait because now they know about Sam's facepalmed plan.

And this is the time it will be revealed that Sookie's plan is being the bait. And Bill is there as Superman, on a tree, protecting her. One vs a herd. And if that's not enough to make you start screaming, Sookie will start saying that she and Alcide have great chemistry (dive in the pond with magnesium in your body, Sook!) and she loves him so much... I can't bare this... Please, liberate me...

And no. It only started becoming infuriating. Andy and Violet and Jason and Jessica stop to find Sam's abandoned car. And while there are two vamps with them, they don't get to know that they are being watched by the town folks, who are lurking behind the trees. So, let me give this straight. The town folks were just waiting there to kill whatever it passes the road. When it would be much safer to stay in a house with their guns... OK.

Jessica got shot but not at the heart (of course). And you know what? Violet was really upset about this despite she hates her. And killed Hoyt's mother by ripping her guts/heart/I-don't-want-to-know out. And bam! The fearless town folks with their guns, who were stupid enough to stay outside in the midnight, ran like hell for their lives. They didn't shoot. They instead carried their weapons. So pathetic I actually wanted to be a vampire to kill them all one by one.

Ah, Bill, thank you for this, a quality theme and a really heart-breaking scene. I would have cared more if they hadn't thrown at you the Lilith curse, but I enjoyed your flashback nonetheless.

And second quality scene, Reverend talked about his life and Lettie while Willa was feeding on his wrist. And she was so reluctant to do so and so tender and sweet... God, I love her!!! She became such a good vamp. Eric was right.

And then, Reverend had to un-invite her in because Lettie would only see her as a blood bag. Most ironic, right? Willa, come to me, I will gladly adopt you!

They had to, right? They had to show us the end of the fanfic story. But they didn't bother to show us what the heck they want Eric for. Japanese mafia came out of nowhere, got Pam, got the French girl and had Eric choose - Pam or the French girl. We all know his answer. Too bad for the young girl. But dear, there is a reason vampires are supposed to be scary creatures. They bring death in all forms. They may deliver good sex, but is it enough? No. So... *Is it only me or Eric looked weird and way too young here? Something with the hair...

Eric is now informed via Pam that Sarah is still alive and now has a reason to come back. Oh, dear, what writing... In the meantime, the Japanese businessmen are back in business. They left France and moved in the US. And they want Sarah (who was having sex with the yoga trainer). Badly. Way too late for regrets, Sarah. Your hired incompetent virus engineer, created a bad virus that mutates and now you want to live to tell about it? Both Eric Northman and the Japanese mafia is coming to get you. Bye.

Next scene is way too painful to review if you can't bare random and convenient writing. Cutting a long story short, Sookie is attacked by the H-vamps, Andy and Jason come out of nowhere and kill all of them (the H-vamps were just standing there) and then one of the town folks killed Alcide.

I've waited too long for this. Let this be the beginning of writing off useless characters that are still around because of their looks.

Sookie is crying and crying and crying because the zero-chemistry couple of theirs was just ruined.

Well, you can say I hated this. I am now uncharged and calm.

Until next episode, Trubies...
Comments (8)
Jul 10, 2014
Good, but one little nitpick. You question why Pam didn't ask about who Nora was, but I don't think Nora was brought up in the scene where Pam was present.
Jul 10, 2014
No, Pam was present. Actually, she was the one facing Nan. :)
Jul 10, 2014
I rewatched the scene, Nora was not brought up in the scene where Pam was in the room.
Jul 10, 2014
I did it too and I found Pam to be in front of Nan when she said that. 8:35 min. - Nan: "Nora will be authority. It is my job to make sure you understand this." - Pam: "I understand... Eric?" - Nan: "Mr.Northman!" - Eric "Go f yourself".
Jul 10, 2014
I'm pretty sure she said the Oka-whatever corporation will not take no for an answer NOR will the authority. It is my job yadayadayada.
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