Two and a Half Men

Season 4 Episode 5

A Live Woman of Proven Fertility

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Oct 16, 2006 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Alan: (to Jake) You know, I am a little surprised at you. I would think you would want your mom to be happy.
      Jake: Hey, she can be happy all she wants, I just don't need some jerk pretending he's my dad.
      Alan: Oh, why not?
      Jake: Because I already have a dad.
      Charlie: And he's already a jerk.

    • Charlie: (to Herb about Judith) How's the sex?
      Herb: That's a little personal, isn't it?
      Charlie: Hey, I didn't ask which way you point her. I just wanna make sure you two kids are compatible.
      Herb: Oh, well, there's no problem in that area.
      Charlie: See, Alan? It was you.
      Alan: (gives Charlie an insulted look but turns back at Herb chuckling) That's me. The original one-pump chump. Ha.
      Herb: So I hear. (Alan looks insulted again)

    • Alan: I need to start carrying my own weight, which is actually getting easier now that I'm wasting away.

    • Alan: Herb, you haven't touched your beer.
      Herb: Oh, well I'm not too much of a drinker.
      Charlie: So let's have a drinking game: Whenever Alan gives me a strange look, we all have a drink. (Alan stares at him)
      Charlie: Whoops, let's just start it!

    • (Alan and Charlie are taking drunk Herb to Judith's house)
      Charlie: So what we sould do, ring the bell and leave running?
      Alan: Charlie, he is not a flaming poop in a paper bag.
      Charlie: Hey, check out his cell phone. (Alan checks on Herb's pocket)
      Herb: Judith?!
      (Judith opens the door)
      Judith: Hey, who is there?
      (Charlie and Alan just drop Herb and leave running)

    • Alan: Marriage is like skydiving. You have to jump out of the old plane...
      Charlie: And get sucked into the old propeller.
      Alan:...A propeller of love.

    • Charlie: Don't be mean to your mother.
      Jake: You're mean to your mother.
      Charlie: My mother can take it. She actually feeds on it.

    • Judith: Would you wait in the car, please?
      Jake: Who's in trouble, me or dad?
      Judith: Nobody's in trouble.
      Jake: (to Alan) It's you.

    • Alan: Why did you run away?
      Jake: Because I hate it there!
      Alan: Is this about the upcoming nuptials?
      Jake: It's nothing to do with puberty, dad. It's about mom getting married.

    • Alan: A bribable child is a controllable child.

    • Alan: Jake's happy being an only child.
      Charlie: If there was a new one I think he'd probably eat it by mistake.

    • Alan: Jake's a sound sleeper.
      Charlie: Yeah, nothing wakes that kid up. And I've had some real screamers at my place.

    • Charlie: Don't underestimate the value of having a prescription pad lying around the house.
      Alan: Charlie!!!
      Charlie: In case someone gets sick...or bored

  • Notes

    • The German episode title is "Ein guter Schläfer", meaning "A Good Sleeper". The French title is "Enterrement de vie de garçon", meaning (idiomatically) "Bachelor Party". The Italian title is "Forti perplessità", meaning "Considerable Doubts". The Spanish title is "Una mujer viva de fertilidad probada", an exact translation.

    • Though credited, Holland Taylor and Conchata Ferrell do not appear in this episode.

    • There is a similar episode to this in the second season ("Go Get Mommy's Bra") where Alan is happy with Judith being in a new relationship with Herb, so that he doesn't have to pay alimony.

  • Allusions