Two and a Half Men

Season 1 Episode 18

An Old Flame With a New Wick

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Mar 01, 2004 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Jake: I don't want to go to camp.
      Berta: If the kid doesn't want to go, don't make him go.
      Jake: Yeah.
      Berta: He's ten, he's old enough to work.
      Jake: What?
      Berta: When I was your age, I spent my summers hosing tarantulas off bananas in the back of my stepfather's truck.
      Charlie: (walks into the room) What's going on?
      Jake: I'm going to camp!

    • Berta: Wait a minute. Isn't she the one who dumped you?
      Alan: Someone dumped Charlie?!?!
      Berta: Broke his little black heart. It was pathetic!

    • Charlie: I got a little e-mail this morning from an old girlfriend who says she needs to "see me."
      Berta: No kidding? I wonder if she's "knocked up."
      Charlie: Nobody's knocked up. I haven't heard from her in three years.
      Berta: So she's bringing you a four-year-old.

    • Alan: Poker buddy?
      Charlie: I used to, and don't call me "buddy".

    • Alan: (to Charlie about Evelyn dating Bill, who used to be a woman) One of us has to tell her.
      Berta: Charlie?
      Charlie: Yeah?
      Berta: I'll clean your house free for an entire month if you let me do it!

    • Alan: Excuse me, could we just table that for now, and discuss how this impacts on our mother?
      Charlie: Why? The damage has been done. All that's left to do now is drink until the part of the brain that creates mental pictures is dead.

    • Evelyn: (about Bill) Sexy and liquid—I like that in a man.

    • Evelyn: Hello? Anybody home?
      Alan & Charlie: Oh, no!
      Evelyn: Charlie, I need to talk to you about your friend, Bill.
      Charlie: Oh, boy.
      Berta: Oh, boy!
      Evelyn: No, I... I really rather not discuss this in front of the "Help".
      Charlie: Berta, could you give us some privacy?
      Berta: Hell, no!

    • Evelyn: The only thing that matters to me now is that Bill is a handsome, sensitive, wonderful man.
      Berta: Hahaha!
      Evelyn: Excuse me?
      Berta: Nothing, I'm just happy to be here!

    • Alan: Oh, yeah, mom is here.
      Charlie: No problem. I'm drunk.

    • Charlie: I want you to tell me that there is no chance that either of us ever have to call a women I slept with, "daddy".

    • Bill: I know this comes as a shock to you.
      Charlie: Please, if I had a nickel for every time a girl dumped me, disapeared for five years and came back as a guy, I'd have A NICKEL!

    • Charlie: Just look at it.
      (Alan looks at a picture of Jill)
      Alan: She's cute: tall, broad shoulders. Holy mother of God!

    • Bill (Jill): You haven't changed.
      Charlie: I wish I could say the same.

    • Berta: Nothing exciting happening in your world, Charlie?
      Charlie: Like what?
      Berta: Oh... I don't know. Go to a fun party, see a great movie, run into an old flame with a new wick.

    • Alan: So this means?
      Charlie: Either I slept with a woman who is now a man, I slept with a man in a woman's body, or my personal favorite—and the title of my autobiography—me and my mom slept with the same dude!

    • Bill(Jill): Charlie. Look at me.
      Charlie: Hey, how do you know my name?
      Bill(Jill): It's me.
      Charlie: Me who? (Gives him a look)
      Charlie: Nooooo...Jill?
      Bill(Jill): Bill.
      Charlie: Nooooo...

  • Notes

    • The French episode title is "Copain-copine", meaning "Boyfriend-Girlfriend". The Italian title is "Ma questo è un incubo", meaning "But This is a Nightmare". The Spanish title is "Una vieja llama con una nueva mecha", an exact translation.

    • This episode was nominated for a GLAAD Media Award in the Outstanding Individual Episode (In a Series Without a Regular Gay Character) category.

    • Chris O'Donnell and Charlie Sheen both appeared on the Disney version of The Three Musketeers.

  • Allusions

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