Jake says the title Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot in this episode.
(After exiting the coat closet)
Charlie: You know something; I just realized that I'm two for two at Judith's weddings.
Myra: What a coincidence, I'm two for two at Herb's weddings.
Charlie: So, drinking in the dark, eh?
Alan: Wasn't dark when I started.
Berta: (to Charlie, on his relationship with Myra) Not based on sex? Well, unless she sweats bourbon and farts hundred-dollar bills, what exactly is going to keep you together?
Berta: (to Charlie) I know you. Myra's not one of your handi-wipes that you can just throw out after you've... 'wiped your handi.'
Myra: And it's my first trip to L.A., so I want to do all the traditional stuff.
Charlie: Tomorrow we're going to sit in rush hour traffic and give other drivers the finger.
Jake: I'm her son.. she has to be proud of me.
Alan: You think so, huh? Have you met my mother?
Jake: Oh, yeah!
Alan: (Angrily, to Charlie) That's always part of the fun! Trying to guess how your penis is gonna bite me in the ass!
Alan: When Judith was divorcing me, who seduced and then abandoned my lawyer, causing her to take revenge on me?
Charlie: Hold on, that chick was nuts.
Alan: I lost everything!
Charlie: Well, to be fair, you didn't have that much to begin with.
Alan: (to Charlie) You just could not control yourself, could you? (mocking Charlie) 'A female's in the house, she must be mounted!'
Jake: I don't understand why I can't have the blue tuxedo.
Alan: Because you're going to a wedding, not hosting a game show on Telemundo.
Berta:(To Jake) Nothing about your Uncle Charlie's life is fair, kid.
Jake: And how many times do you have to get up to go pee?
Alan: I wasn't counting.
Jake: I was! Four.
Alan: Ok, one of those was to get a glass of water.
Jake: Well, that's your problem, stop topping off the tank.
Jake: (to Alan) Excuse me, but if who sleeps in my bed is not my business, then what is?
Alan: Let it go, Goldilocks!
Charlie: Normally, at this point in a relationship, I'm busy plotting the appropriate exit strategy.
Myra: For example?
Charlie: Well, that would depend on whether I'm trying to get rid of you for today or forever.
Myra: Let's say today.
Charlie: OK. Today I have to see my dermatologist about a little rash.
Myra: Oh, that's good. What about forever?
Charlie: Turns out it wasn't a rash, and they won't let me come home.
(Charlie and Myra wake up in bed together. Myra has Charlie's arm pinned under her body)
Myra: Thinking of chewing off your arm?
Charlie: What? No, no. Why would I do that?
Myra: I don't know. Maybe because you're not horny anymore and you just remembered I'm staying through the weekend.
Charlie: You got all that from the twitching of my shoulder muscles?
Charlie: (talking about Jake) I'm ready. Myra's ready. Is he ready?
Alan: Does he look ready?
Charlie: Well, he's not wearing any pants. That's ready for something.
Berta: Here's your suit.
Berta: The dry cleaners found $46 and a condom in the pocket of your coat. Here's the condom.
Charlie: Again, thanks.
Berta: Can I give you free advice?
Charlie: "Free?" I'm already out 46 dollars.
Alan: All the other men are going to be wearing black tuxedos.
Jake: If all the other men were jumping off a bridge would you want me to do that too?
Alan: If it would keep your mother off my back, yes!
Alan: I need to talk to you in private.
Charlie: Oh, come on. I was in the middle of flossing and suddenly there she was, sitting on my bed..
Alan: (interrupts him) Ah, ah. He doesn't need to hear this.
Jake: Like I didn't hear enough last night.
Berta: What's going on?
Jake: I had to sleep in dad's room last night 'cause Uncle Charlie invited Aunt Myra to stay in my room, but it turns out...
Berta: Got it.
The German episode title is "Ich mach bei Hochzeiten immer das Gleiche", meaning "I'm Always the Same at Weddings". The French title is "Tante Myra 2/2", meaning "Aunt Myra, Part II". The Italian title is "Il matrimonio", meaning "The Wedding". The Spanish title is "La tia Myra no hace mucho pis", an exact translation.
Though credited, Holland Taylor does not appear in this episode.
Jake puts on glasses and says "Hello, I'm Harry Potter," referring to the character created by J.K. Rowling for her 1997 book, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone and subsequently used in further books and their accompanying film adaptations.
Alan: Let it go, Goldilocks.
Goldilocks is a popular children's fairy tale in which a young girl wandering in a forest stumbles upon the home of three bears. Goldilocks sleeps in their beds, and eat their porridge. When the bears return, Goldilocks wakes up and runs away back into the forest.
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