Charlie says the title of this episode, Big Flappy Bastards
(Charlie, Alan, and Jake are staring at the nest with seagull eggs)
Alan: Wow! You know what this means, don't you?
Charlie: Yeah. Breakfast.
Charlie: (Jake's bedroom is full of seagulls. Charlie has a chum-bucket) I'm going to throw the bait out the window to lure the birds out of the house.
Alan: Oh, that's pretty clever.
Charlie: Yeah, it's a variation on something I do with women and tennis bracelets.
Charlie: (Alan turns the TV off) Hey, I'm watching that!
Alan: What part of "no TV" don't you understand?
Charlie: I'm allowed to watch TV.
Alan: I mean Jake.
Charlie: I said "No TV." He said "Okay." I said "Go to bed." He said, "Okay."
Jake: What are you watching?
Charlie: I'm watching a movie and you're not supposed to be watching anything.
Jake: Oh, yeah. Is that guy a good guy or a bad guy?
Charlie: Good guy. And you're not supposed to be watching TV.
Jake: I know. Is that his girlfriend?
Jake: But he still loves her right?
Charlie: I'm not going to walk you through the whole movie. I think so. Go to bed, Jake.
Charlie: So, how do you lift those garbage cans without a spine?
Alan: They're on wheels.
Charlie: Alan, your wife threw you out.
Alan: Yeah, that doesn't mean she doesn't need me.
Charlie: Yeah, it kind of does.
Alan: All right, I put Jake to bed, I folded the laundry, I put the groceries away...
Charlie: The guilt thing doesn't work on me, Alan.
Alan: Yeah, well, it's all I got.
Alan: This sock is soaking wet.
Charlie: Yeah, I chipped into the water hazard on the ninth, and the lid was open.
Alan: So this is toilet water?
Charlie: At least.
Charlie: What'd you get busted for?
Jake: I painted my room at Mom's house.
Charlie: What's wrong with that?
Jake: I'm ten years old.
Charlie: Jake, sometimes when you have a casual sexual relationship—
Alan: All right!
Alan: Got to run to the grocery store. I'm gonna need somebody to fold these clothes.
Charlie: I don't know if the grocery store is the first place I'd go for that, but good luck.
Charlie: (in response to giving Jake the silent treatment) Listen, I've tried with that kid, Alan. He says one thing, then he goes and does another.
Alan: He's ten. He's got the attention span of a hummingbird!
Charlie: Well, then, what am I supposed to do when he ignores me?
Alan: You punish him. You take away his computer, his TV, his toys.
Charlie: Well, you already took away all the good stuff. What am I supposed to do, take his bronchial inhaler?
Charlie: What did I tell you about leaving juice boxes on my piano?
Jake: How do you know it was me?
Charlie: Oh, come on, who else around here drinks Transylvania Goofy Juice?
Jake: Good point.
Jake: Why do you hate your mother?
Charlie: I'll tell you all about that when you're old enough to drink.
Alan: Charlie, I want Jake to follow the rules, so I need you to be my eyes and my ears.
Charlie: Ok, I need you to be my liver and my prostate.
The German episode title is "Der Sockengolf-Champion", meaning "The Sock Golf Champion". The French title is "Les intrus", meaning "The Intruders". The Italian title is "Dannati pennuti", meaning "Damned Birds". The Spanish title is "Ratas Voladoras", meaning "Flying Rats".
Starting with this episode, the episode title is a line (or part of a line) said by one of the characters. The episode title "Big Flappy Bastards" is said by Charlie.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #109.
Charlie says over the phone, "I got a flock of seagulls on my deck! NO, I don't know whatever happened to them!!!" a reference to the 1980's one-hit wonder A Flock of Seagulls, known for their sole hit "(I Ran) So Far Away".
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