Two and a Half Men
Monday 9:00 PM on CBS
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Season 9
- Ep 17Not in My Mouth2/20/12
to be added when available... - Ep 16Sips, Sonnets and Sodomy2/13/12
When a storm traps Walden &Zoey andAlan &Lyndsey at the beach house, their relationships are put to the ultimate test.
- Ep 15The Duchess of Dull-in-Sack2/6/12
When Walden feels Zoey is a bit stiff in the bedroom, Berta suggests a few of her marijuana brownies might loosen her up a bit.
- Ep 14A Possum on Chemo1/16/12
Zoey wants Walden to take on a more clean-cut look. Meanwhile, Alan and Lyndsey reconnect.
- Ep 13Slowly and in a Circular Fashion1/2/12
Walden needs Alan and Zoey to help when Bridget and his mother look to wrest away control of his company. - Ep 12One False Move, Zimbabwe!12/12/11
Walden's mother visits, dropping a secret about him as well as leaving Alan smitten.
- Ep 11What a Lovely Landing Strip12/5/11
Walden hopes to move things forward with Zoey, but Bridget's reappearance complicates matters.
- Ep 10A Fishbowl Full of Glass Eyes11/21/11
As Walden hopes to put Bridget in the past and dip back into the world of dating, Alan hopes a pawn shop will be the solution to his financial woes. - Ep 9Frodo's Headshots11/14/11
Alan faces a number of shocking events after being released from the mental hospital.
- Ep 8Thanks for the Intercourse11/7/11
Alan has trouble coping when Walden redecorates the house.
- Ep 7Those Fancy Japanese Toilets10/31/11
Walden hires Evelyn as his interior designer, but Alan fears she may have ulterior motives. Meanwhile, Jake crushes on his chemistry tutor, who in turn has taken a liking to Walden, and Alan can't stop reading an old journal of Charlie's. - Ep 6The Squat and the Hover10/24/11
Bridget has Walden served divorce papers, and then he meets a new woman who looks just like her.
- Ep 5A Giant Cat Holding a Churro10/17/11
Alan isn't thrilled when he learns of Lyndsey's adult film, and Walden hosts an impromptu party to lift his spirits.
- Ep 4Nine Magic Fingers10/10/11
Alan looks to reconnect with Lyndsey, while Walden seeks to move on from Bridget.
- Ep 3Big Girls Don't Throw Food10/3/11
Walden hopes to start the process of winning back Bridget by taking her to dinner and seeks Alan's advice. Meanwhile, Jake gets ideas in his head when he learns Walden is a high school drop-out.
- Ep 2People Who Love Peepholes (2)9/26/11
Walden has Alan come along for the ride when he tries to get his ex-wife, Bridget, to take him back.
- Ep 1Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt (1)9/19/11
Following Charlie's funeral, Alan meets Internet entrepreneur Walden Schmidt.
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Season 8
- Ep 16That Darn Priest2/14/11
Rose and Alan discover each other's secrets. Meanwhile, Charlie's desperate to get some time alone with Rose. - Ep 15Three Hookers and a Philly Cheesesteak2/7/11
Rose keeps 'cheating' with Charlie. Alan's plea to family for money to advertise his chiropractic office quickly devolves into a Ponzi scheme. - Ep 14Lookin' for Japanese Subs1/17/11
Obsessed and believing her to be married, Charlie starts stalking Rose. Jake and Eldridge start taping themselves doing Jackass-style stunts. - Ep 13Skunk, Dog Crap and Ketchup1/3/11
Alan lets his paranoid suspicions get the better of him when Charlie and Lyndsey start being more friendly to each other. - Ep 12Chocolate Diddlers or My Puppy's Dead12/13/10
Charlie pays a visit to Dr. Freeman to help deal with breaking up with Courtney. - Ep 11Dead From the Waist Down12/6/10
Alan goes to great lengths to be able to get Lyndsey a nice birthday present. - Ep 10Ow, Ow, Don't Stop11/22/10
When Charlie's ex-girlfriend Courtney is released from prison, he treats her to the good life despite her having been in prison for conning him and Alan's concerns that she's using him all over again. - Ep 9A Good Time in Central Africa11/15/10
Charlie is thrilled with what a fabulous job Berta's temporary replacement does. Alan thinks Lyndsey's ex-husband is threatening him. - Ep 8Springtime on a Stick11/8/10
When a drunken Charlie ruins his time with a girl, Jake retaliates by convincing Alan to invite Evelyn to the house for her birthday dinner, to which Russell is subsequently invited when he and Evelyn seem to hit it off at the pharmacy. - Ep 7The Crazy Bitch Gazette11/1/10
Charlie's newest girlfriend can deal with all the craziness in his life—except for Rose's stalking. - Ep 6Twanging Your Magic Clanger10/25/10
Charlie finds himself out of his comfort zone when he learns his date is four years older than he. Meanwhile, Alan goes on a masturbation binge to use up soon-to-expire ED pills. - Ep 5The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel10/18/10
While Charlie's off getting plastic surgery, Alan takes advantage and pretends to be him at a bar. - Ep 4Hookers, Hookers, Hookers10/11/10
Charlie gets even more unwanted houseguests after Alan burns down Lyndsey's home. - Ep 3A Pudding-Filled Cactus10/4/10
Though he accepted Lyndsey's offer to move in, Alan continues to use Charlie's beach house to have sex with Melissa. - Ep 2A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer9/27/10
Charlie gets creative in his efforts to force Alan to accept Lyndsey's offer to move in with her. - Ep 1Three Girls and a Guy Named Bud9/20/10
Jake moves to Judith and Herb's when he learns that Alan's dating his friend Eldridge's mom. Charlie tries to cut back on the alcohol.
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Season 7
- Ep 22This Is Not Gonna End Well5/24/10
Charlie is miffed over Alan's planned attendance of Chelsea's birthday party and suffers the indignity of having Jake chauffer him around following a license suspension. - Ep 21Gumby with a Pokey5/17/10
Charlie, still miserable over his break-up from Chelsea, finds temporary comfort in smoking marijuana with Berta—until it leads to him being tormented by visions of ex-girlfriends. Meanwhile, Alan tries to bond with Jake during a trip of their own to Sacramento to pick up a clock he's inherited. - Ep 20I Called Him Magoo5/10/10
Alan plans an intimate night at a hotel with Lyndsay, but her "time of the month" gets in the way. Meanwhile, Charlie hires a prostitute to give him the "girlfriend experience" Chelsea's no longer around to provide: nagging and complaining. - Ep 19Keith Moon Is Vomiting in His Grave4/12/10
Alan is torn between the bad influence of Jake's new friend and the hotness of his mother. Charlie has troubles writing the theme for a new TV show. - Ep 18Ixnay on the Oggie Day3/22/10
Charlie runs into Chelsea's old friend Gail. Alan learns he's able to bring a new female chiropractic patient to orgasm just by working on her lower back. - Ep 17I Found Your Moustache3/8/10
Charlie and Chelsea's break-up doesn't stop them from sleeping together again. - Ep 16Tinkle Like a Princess3/1/10
Crushed over his break-up with Chelsea, Charlie goes missing and comes back to Malibu married. - Ep 15Aye, Aye, Captain (2)2/8/10
Chelsea is put off by Charlie's jealousy towards her relationship with Brad, and he vows to become the better man he says she deserves. - Ep 14Crude and Uncalled For (1)2/1/10
Alan suspects a widowed lawyer, who represented him following his arrest for slugging a guy at a bar who came on to his date, is interested in Chelsea and suggests Charlie do something about it. - Ep 13Yay, No Polyps!1/18/10
Charlie gets a colonoscopy to avoid visiting Chelsea's parents, but she turns the tables by getting them to fly out to Malibu for a visit. - Ep 12Fart Jokes, Pie and Celeste1/11/10
Jake hopes to win back Celeste by writing her love songs. Judith tries to quash Alan and Herb's new friendship. - Ep 11Warning, It's Dirty12/14/09
Charlie helps Jake cheat on his girlfriend while she's away for the holidays. Evelyn brings a television producer to Charlie's Christmas dinner. - Ep 10That's Why They Call It Ball Room12/7/09
Charlie's broaching the subject of a pre-nup leaves him stunned to discover Chelsea has just as much need for one as he does. - Ep 9Captain Terry's Spray-On Hair11/23/09
Alan attempts to solve thinning hair in cheapskate fashion before heading out on dates. Chelsea reveals Charlie hasn't been pleasing her sexually as much as he thinks. - Ep 8Gord. Fnark. Schmegle.11/16/09
Chelsea's gorgeous roommate from college stays at the house to recover from a breakup, and everyone at the house seems to want a piece of her. - Ep 7Untainted by Filth11/9/09
Following setting a wedding date with Chelsea, Charlie and Alan go to a bar, only to awaken in the morning to find themselves in bed with a stranger. - Ep 6Give Me Your Thumb11/2/09
Alan's advice to Chelsea that she get breast-reduction surgery is not met with enthusiasm by Charlie, who kicks him out, but staying with Evelyn has its own challenges. - Ep 5For the Sake of the Child10/19/09
Public humiliation in the form of Charlie and Alan bickering at an ice cream parlor has a learning-to-drive Jake refusing to stay at the beach house anymore. - Ep 4Laxative Tester, Horse Inseminator10/12/09
Alan starts working for Evelyn. Charlie tries to close the rift between Chelsea and Jake. - Ep 3Mmm, Fish. Yum10/5/09
Alan cares for Judith's child and his ex-mother-in-law. Charlie backing over a cat provides Jake with a chance to blackmail him. - Ep 2Whipped Unto the Third Generation9/28/09
Girls rule the roost after Charlie consents to Chelsea's desire to allow Alan's girlfriend, Melissa, to move in with them. - Ep 1818-jklpuzo9/21/09
Charlie must make a difficult decision about his future and with which woman he wants to spend his life: Chelsea or Mia. Meanwhile, Charlie also grows wary that Melissa has slowly moved into the house.
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Season 6
- Ep 24Baseball Was Better with Steroids5/18/09
Mia's return finds Charlie questionning how devoted he is to Chelsea. Alan tries to write a screenplay. The guys rush a laboring Judith to the hospital. - Ep 23Good Morning, Mrs. Butterworth5/11/09
Charlie seeks to take advantage of Alan and Chelsea's budding friendship. Alan takes up ventriloquy. - Ep 22Sir Lancelot's Litter Box5/4/09
Both Charlie and Alan face lifestyle changes when Chelsea moves into the house. - Ep 21Above Exalted Cyclops4/27/09
Alan lets Chelsea fix him up on a blind date with one of her friends—Rose. - Ep 20Hello, I'm Alan Cousteau4/13/09
Charlie's desperate to make sure Chelsea and Evelyn don't befriend each other following their first meeting. - Ep 19The Two Finger Rule3/30/09
Chelsea's discovery of naked pictures of another woman on Charlie's iPhone leads to his swapping stories of sexual experiences during a drunken night with Alan, Herb, and Jerome. - Ep 18My Son's Enormous Head3/16/09
Chelsea's illness gives Charlie a chance to prove he can take care of her, but also yearning to run away from the situation. - Ep 17The 'Ocu' or the 'Pado'?3/9/09
Charlie's admission that he's in love with Chelsea gets a surprising reaction from her. - Ep 16She'll Still Be Dead At Halftime3/2/09
With Chelsea soon to arrive, Charlie must find a way to get a half-naked date out of his bedroom. - Ep 15I'd Like to Start With the Cat2/9/09
Charlie agrees to go with Chelsea to couples counseling with Dr. Linda Freeman. - Ep 14David Copperfield Slipped Me a Roofie2/2/09
After a birthday party she throws for Alan is met with indifference by his family, Melissa feels he's underappreciated and offers him the chance to live with her and her mother. - Ep 13I Think You Offended Don1/19/09
Alan continues to believe that he is responsible for Judith's pregnancy. Charlie is convinced he knows the reason behind Jake's bad mood. - Ep 12Thank God for Scoliosis1/12/09
Alan finds himself attracted to his receptionist, while Charlie and Jake compete for a waitress. - Ep 11The Devil's Lube12/15/08
Charlie finds himself re-examining his wild ways after an old friend dies during a visit. - Ep 10He Smelled the Ham, He Got Excited12/8/08
Alan contemplates retiring when Evelyn states that she'll take care of Jake's college education. Meanwhile, Jake displays a talent that may eliminate the need for college altogether. - Ep 9The Mooch At The Boo11/24/08
Charlie finds himself in an uncomfortable position when Jake takes off with the daughter of a former NFL player. Charlie's Mercedes seems to prove a boon to Alan's love life. - Ep 8Pinocchio's Mouth11/17/08
A new girlfriend wants Charlie to sleep over at her place. Meanwhile, Alan has trouble enforcing Judith's grounding of Jake. - Ep 7Best H.O. Money Can Buy (2)11/10/08
Alan tries to get away from Judith. Meanwhile, Charlie and Herb go out on the town, and Charlie uses the threat of military school to get Jake to do chores. - Ep 6It's Always Nazi Week (1)11/3/08
When Judith kicks Herb out of the house, Alan hopes to reconcile with her. Meanwhile, Herb tries to adopt Charlie's bachelor ways. - Ep 5A Jock Strap in Hell10/20/08
Discovering Miss Pasternak, Jake's former 5th-grade teacher, turned to stripping after her fling with Charlie, he tries to help her turn her life around. - Ep 4The Flavin' and the Mavin'10/13/08
Alan is sure that things will turn bad when Charlie starts dating his receptionist. - Ep 3Damn You, Eggs Benedict10/6/08
Alan, Jake, and Charlie all decide to try new things: Alan is dating more than one woman, Charlie learns to cook, and Jake experiments with beer. - Ep 2Pie Hole, Herb9/29/08
Alan goes too far in effort to collect $38 he loaned to Charlie. Evelyn arranges a job for Jake. - Ep 1Taterhead Is Our Love Child9/22/08
Charlie discovers an ex has a child that looks remarkably like him.
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Season 5
- Ep 19Waiting for the Right Snapper5/19/08
When Charlie meets the fiancée of Angie's grown-up son, he realizes it's not for the first time. Alan tries to get Jake to study for his algebra final. - Ep 18If My Hole Could Talk5/12/08
Charlie's attracted to an older self-help author. Alan's insistance that Jake complete his Taming of the Shrew book report is hampered by Jake's continually losing the book. - Ep 17Fish in a Drawer5/5/08
CSIs investigate a death at Charlie's house. - Ep 16Look At Me, Mommy, I'm Pretty4/28/08
Alan makes wedding plans for Evelyn and Teddy, while Charlie figures out how to get more acquainted with his future step-sister, Courtney. - Ep 15Rough Night in Hump Junction (aka His Ugly Bundle)4/21/08
Alan feels Charlie is unable to control his womanizing ways. - Ep 14Winky-Dink Time4/14/08
Charlie double-dates with Jake and fixes Alan up with a hooker. - Ep 13The Soil is Moist3/31/08
Alan finds out some surprising information about Judith's sex life when he decides to go on a date with one of her friends. - Ep 12A Little Clammy and None Too Fresh3/24/08
Rose returns from England and plays nurse for an ill Charlie. Alan feels Jake pulling away from him. - Ep 11Meander to Your Dander3/17/08
When Alan finds himself wanting to break up with a woman, Charlie offers his expertise. - Ep 10Kinda Like Necrophilia11/26/07
Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school. - Ep 9Shoes, Hats, Pickle Jar Lids11/19/07
Charlie fights his attraction for Teddy's daughter. - Ep 8Is There a Mrs. Waffles?11/12/07
Charlie writes a children's song and finds success as Charlie Waffles. The kids and their parents love him. However, Charlie's new found fame irritates Alan. - Ep 7The Leather Gear is in the Guest Room11/5/07
After Alan and Charlie have a fight about Alan's role in the house, Alan packs Jake up and moves in with his mother. - Ep 6Help Daddy Find His Toenail10/29/07
Charlie's girlfriend is embarrassed to go out in public with him. Meanwhile, Jake sneaks out to attend a concert. - Ep 5Putting Swim Fins on a Cat10/22/07
Charlie has to come up with ways to keep his girlfriend's four-year-old son amused. Meanwhile, Alan becomes a test subject. - Ep 4City of Great Racks10/15/07
Charlie and Linda get closer to consummating their relationship, but Charlie has trouble focusing when he begins to see Rose's face everywhere he turns. - Ep 3Dum Diddy Dum Diddy Doo10/8/07
Alan convinces Charlie that he needs to date more respectable women and sets him up with a judge. They two double date, and their waitress happens to be one of Charlie's ex-girlfriends. Desperate for a second chance, Charlie goes to great lengths to speak to her again. - Ep 2Media Room Slash Dungeon10/1/07
Charlie acts strangely after spending an evening with his mother, and a woman Alan slept with behaves oddly the next morning. - Ep 1Large Birds, Spiders and Mom9/24/07
Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he advances to junior high. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.
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Season 4
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Season 3
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Season 2
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Season 1
