Two and a Half Men

Season 1 Episode 20

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

4
Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Apr 19, 2004 on CBS

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  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Evelyn: Granted, I have no idea what's it like to be an eleven-year-old boy, but I do know one thing, sweetheart. You have no idea what real unhappiness is. Real unhappiness is being totally ignored by the very people you gave birth to! Real unhappiness is when you're recovering from liposuction and your only grandson doesn't even send you a get-well card. And FYI, I only had that surgery so you wouldn't have a grandmommy with matronly upper arms.
      Alan: Well, if he didn't need a shrink before, he needs one now.

    • Berta: (trying to convince Alan that his son may be constipated) I'm telling you, my youngest once ate a whole can of Play-Doh—stopped her up for two weeks!
      Alan: All right, Berta.
      Berta: She finally pooped out a whole ashtray.
      Alan: Berta!
      Berta: That was the day I quit smoking.

    • Charlie: I'm telling you, you're spoiling the kid. I didn't have a shrink when I was Jake's age, and my childhood was twice as screwed up as his. I mean, you're a little cuckoo, Judith, but compared to our mother, you're like a fart in a hurricane.

    • Berta: I hope you don't mind, but I talked to him before he went to sleep last night.
      Charlie: What did you say?
      Berta: I said, uh, "drink this bottle of prune juice."

    • Berta: Did you check to see if he's constipated?
      Alan: Berta, his mother and I are going thorough a divorce and there's a lot of emotions he hasn't processed.
      Berta: Maybe so, but there's also a lot of sting cheese he hasn't processed.

    • Judith: He's been sullen and uncooperative for days. I think he needs to see someone.
      Alan: What, you mean like a... like a shrink?
      Judith: No, Alan, I mean like a blacksmith.

    • Alan: (about Jake) What happened to him?
      Charlie: If I didn't know any better I'd swear he got laid last night.

    • Berta: Please, if my kids were going to bed at seven, I'd dip myself in gravy and danced naked on the rooftop.
      Charlie: She does make a hell of a gravy

    • Alan: You know what, you're right, I'm always to quick to blame myself.
      Charlie: Yes, you are.
      Alan: It's his mother's fault.
      Charlie: Attaboy!

    • Alan: He's just a normal eleven-year-old kid who happens to be grumpy.
      Judith: And I'm a normal thirty-five-year-old mother who happens to be running out of patience, and by "patience" I mean "Prozac".

    • Dr. Freeman: Ok, well. Jake and I had a very nice little talk. I invited him to share his feelings with me in a confidential, non-threatening context and after hearing everything he had to say, I must tell you very frankly... uh... who am I kidding? I got nothing.
      Alan: That's it? A 150 dollars an hour for "I got nothing"?
      Dr. Freeman: It's a 175, but that's not really the point now, is it?!

  • Notes

    • The German episode title is "Ich kann im Dunkeln pinkeln", meaning "I Can Pee in the Dark". The French title is "La névrose familiale", meaning "Family Neurosis". The Italian title is "Blocco non proprio mentale", meaing "Not Just a Mental Block". The Spanish title is "Oye, Puedo Orinar Afuera en la Oscuridad", an exact translation.

    • This episode features a different intro which shows the three main characters (Charlie, Alan, and Jake) "sing" the show's theme song.

    • Melanie Lynskey (Rose) doesn't appear in this episode.

  • Allusions

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