Evelyn: Granted, I have no idea what's it like to be an eleven-year-old boy, but I do know one thing, sweetheart. You have no idea what real unhappiness is. Real unhappiness is being totally ignored by the very people you gave birth to! Real unhappiness is when you're recovering from liposuction and your only grandson doesn't even send you a get-well card. And FYI, I only had that surgery so you wouldn't have a grandmommy with matronly upper arms.
Alan: Well, if he didn't need a shrink before, he needs one now.