Two and a Half Men

Season 1 Episode 14

I Can't Afford Hyenas

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Feb 02, 2004 on CBS
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Episode Summary

Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.

Who was the Episode MVP ?

J. D. Walsh

J. D. Walsh


Guest Star

Elena Lyons

Elena Lyons


Guest Star

Nick Toth

Nick Toth

Football Announcer

Guest Star

Conchata Ferrell

Conchata Ferrell


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (10)

    • Alan: Wonderful building.
      Charlie: What's wrong with it?
      Alan: Well, the phrase "reeks of urine" comes to mind.

    • Charlie: Berta, I'm good for seventy-four dollars.
      Berta: There's an assistant store manager with bad skin and a pair of scissors who begs to differ.

    • (About his money problems)
      Charlie: Leave it to me, I'll straighten it out. (He turns to Alan) Alan, what do I do?
      Alan: Call the bank that issued the card, figure out what's going on.
      Charlie: Good idea. (Starts walking away, then turns back to Alan) How do I get the number?

    • Alan: Charlie, call me an old-fashioned dad, but I was hoping my son wouldn't start betting on sports until he's old enough to have a drinking problem.
      Charlie: He didn't really make a bet. I just gave him a taste of my action.
      Alan: Nor do I want him tasting your action.
      Jake: Dad, without action there's no juice.
      Alan: All of a sudden, he's Frank Sinatra.

    • Charlie: Great, why don't I just shoot myself?
      Alan: Can't afford a gun.

    • Berta: Well, you don't have to worry about paying me this week, Charlie.
      Charlie: Thank you, Berta.
      Berta: I'll just take this espresso maker and be on my way. Call me when things pick up.

    • Alan: Morning, Berta. Need some help?
      Berta: Yeah, come to my house and explain to my daughter that we don't put up bail for cute guys with Costa Rican passports.

    • Pizza Boy: Thank you, Mr. Harper. If there is anything you ever need, anything at all, please call. You know, pizza, dry cleaning... pot, women.

    • Charlie: Alan, I can't do this anymore, I quit!
      Alan: You can't quit poverty, Charlie.

    • Rose: You're the first man who slept with me because he was drunk, not because of my money!

  • NOTES (4)


    • Alan can't understand why Charlie is math genius in gambling but not finance. Charlie replies, "What can I say? I have a beautiful mind," a reference to the 2001 film A Beautiful Mind, about John Forbes Nash Jr., a math prodigy able to solve problems that baffled the greatest of minds.

  • 8:30 pm
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