Two and a Half Men

Season 5 Episode 10

Kinda Like Necrophilia

4
Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Nov 26, 2007 on CBS
8.5
out of 10
User Rating
164 votes

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Episode Summary

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Alan finds out that Charlie stole his girlfriend and works on a plan to get back at Charlie, even though this happened when they were in high school.

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Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (16)

    • Charlie: (to Alan while they watch Gabrielle leave) Nice, huh?
      Alan: Ha! Nice? She's magnificent.
      Charlie: You should see her naked.
      Alan: Can I?
      Charlie: Well, I could show you some pictures but you may not want to see that much of me.

    • Alan: (angry after learning Charlie stole Charity from him) I had to go to junior prom with cousin Phoebe.
      Charlie: She was cute.
      Alan: She was 12 and in a body cast.
      Charlie: Well, so what? She was your cousin. She could've been 18 and in a cellophane bikini and you weren't gonna get any.
      Alan: You are a horrible human being and I hope you burn in hell! (storms away)
      Charlie: (calls to Alan) So we're good?
      Alan: (off screen) No! We are not good! We suck! (door slams)
      Berta: (offers Charlie coffee) Freshen that up for you?
      Charlie: Thanks.

    • Charlie: Jake, who is the cutest girl in your class?
      Jake: Nicole O'Malley.
      Charlie: Okay, call Nicole O'Malley and ask her out.
      Jake: Are you drunk?
      Charlie: A little. (sighs) But this is a secret that will serve you for the rest of your life: The hotter the girl, the lonelier she is because most guys are too scared to talk to her.
      Jake and Alan: Really?
      Charlie: Trust me.
      Alan: Wow. Why couldn't you have said this 20 years ago?
      Jake: Come on, Dad. I wasn't even born 20 years ago.

    • Alan: (Charlie makes fun of Alan's bicycling outfit) Excuse me, this is what they wear in the Tour de France.
      Charlie: (referring to his French one night stand) Alan, I just took the Tour de France, and the only thing I was wearing was a smile and a condom.

    • Charlie: Did I hear Numbnuts come in?
      Alan: "Numbnuts?"
      Charlie: Oh, sorry. Numbnuts, Junior.

    • Alan: (about Jake) What's the matter with him?
      Judith: His little girlfriend broke up with him.
      Alan: Oh, no.
      Judith: Yeah, I was hoping you could talk to him, because, let's face it, who knows more about getting dumped?
      Alan: (somewhat put off) You don't have to flatter me, Judith. I'll talk to him.

    • Alan: Jake, sooner or later every guy gets dumped.
      Charlie: Some guys get dumped sooner and later, right, Alan?
      (Alan glowers at Charlie)
      Charlie: Sorry, I should've "eased into it."

    • Alan: (to Jake) So, how's school?
      Jake: Okay.
      Alan: Anything noteworthy happen?
      Jake: No.
      Charlie: (to Alan about Jake) I thought you said he got dumped!
      Alan: I was easing into it.
      Charlie: Oh. Okay, go ahead.

    • Judith: Hey, honey, how was your weekend?
      Jake: Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius. (walks out the door)
      Judith: (to Alan) I thought you talked to him.
      Alan: I did!
      Judith: Then why is Uncle Charlie the genius?
      Alan: Because he never got married.

    • Charlie: (on why Jake got dumped) Maybe she found somebody better.
      Alan: What? Who's better than Jake?
      (Charlie looks at Jake)
      Charlie: (hiding sarcasm) Why, no one, Alan! He's the pinnacle of male evolution.
      Jake: Thank you.

    • Alan: How can you mend a broken heart?
      Charlie: (singing) How can you stop the rain from falling down?
      Alan: You done?
      Charlie: Unless you wanna hear "Jive Talkin'".

    • Jake: Uncle Charlie's a genius.
      Berta: In a sense. (quietly as she leaves) In that there's book-smart and nook-smart.

    • Charlie: I really shouldn't be giving [Jake] advice that will help him reproduce.

    • Alan: (to Charlie) I snaked her like a cobra. Katchow!!

    • Alan: I loved Charity Kirschenbaum and you stole her right out from under me!
      Berta: He's speaking metaphorically, right?
      Charlie: Yeah... he was never on top of that.

    • Gabrielle: Are you a friend of Charlie's?
      Alan: I'm his brother, so no.

  • NOTES (5)

  • ALLUSIONS (0)

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