Charlie says the title "Kinda Like Necrophilia" in this episode.
Charlie: (to Alan while they watch Gabrielle leave) Nice, huh?
Alan: Ha! Nice? She's magnificent.
Charlie: You should see her naked.
Alan: Can I?
Charlie: Well, I could show you some pictures but you may not want to see that much of me.
Alan: (angry after learning Charlie stole Charity from him) I had to go to junior prom with cousin Phoebe.
Charlie: She was cute.
Alan: She was 12 and in a body cast.
Charlie: Well, so what? She was your cousin. She could've been 18 and in a cellophane bikini and you weren't gonna get any.
Alan: You are a horrible human being and I hope you burn in hell! (storms away)
Charlie: (calls to Alan) So we're good?
Alan: (off screen) No! We are not good! We suck! (door slams)
Berta: (offers Charlie coffee) Freshen that up for you?
Charlie: Jake, who is the cutest girl in your class?
Jake: Nicole O'Malley.
Charlie: Okay, call Nicole O'Malley and ask her out.
Jake: Are you drunk?
Charlie: A little. (sighs) But this is a secret that will serve you for the rest of your life: The hotter the girl, the lonelier she is because most guys are too scared to talk to her.
Jake and Alan: Really?
Charlie: Trust me.
Alan: Wow. Why couldn't you have said this 20 years ago?
Jake: Come on, Dad. I wasn't even born 20 years ago.
Alan: (Charlie makes fun of Alan's bicycling outfit) Excuse me, this is what they wear in the Tour de France.
Charlie: (referring to his French one night stand) Alan, I just took the Tour de France, and the only thing I was wearing was a smile and a condom.
Charlie: Did I hear Numbnuts come in?
Charlie: Oh, sorry. Numbnuts, Junior.
Alan: (about Jake) What's the matter with him?
Judith: His little girlfriend broke up with him.
Alan: Oh, no.
Judith: Yeah, I was hoping you could talk to him, because, let's face it, who knows more about getting dumped?
Alan: (somewhat put off) You don't have to flatter me, Judith. I'll talk to him.
Alan: Jake, sooner or later every guy gets dumped.
Charlie: Some guys get dumped sooner and later, right, Alan?
(Alan glowers at Charlie)
Charlie: Sorry, I should've "eased into it."
Alan: (to Jake) So, how's school?
Alan: Anything noteworthy happen?
Charlie: (to Alan about Jake) I thought you said he got dumped!
Alan: I was easing into it.
Charlie: Oh. Okay, go ahead.
Judith: Hey, honey, how was your weekend?
Jake: Great. Uncle Charlie's a genius. (walks out the door)
Judith: (to Alan) I thought you talked to him.
Alan: I did!
Judith: Then why is Uncle Charlie the genius?
Alan: Because he never got married.
Charlie: (on why Jake got dumped) Maybe she found somebody better.
Alan: What? Who's better than Jake?
(Charlie looks at Jake)
Charlie: (hiding sarcasm) Why, no one, Alan! He's the pinnacle of male evolution.
Jake: Thank you.
Alan: How can you mend a broken heart?
Charlie: (singing) How can you stop the rain from falling down?
Alan: You done?
Charlie: Unless you wanna hear "Jive Talkin'".
Jake: Uncle Charlie's a genius.
Berta: In a sense. (quietly as she leaves) In that there's book-smart and nook-smart.
Charlie: I really shouldn't be giving [Jake] advice that will help him reproduce.
Alan: (to Charlie) I snaked her like a cobra. Katchow!!
Alan: I loved Charity Kirschenbaum and you stole her right out from under me!
Berta: He's speaking metaphorically, right?
Charlie: Yeah... he was never on top of that.
Gabrielle: Are you a friend of Charlie's?
Alan: I'm his brother, so no.
The German episode title is "Der Frauendieb", meaning "The Woman Thief". The French title is "L'extraterrestre", meaning "The Extraterrestrial". The Italian title is "Siamo pari!", meaning "We're Even!". The Spanish title is "Se parece a la necrofilia", an exact translation.
International Airdates: Slovakia: January 25, 2010 on Markiza
This episode was part of the show's Emmy Awards 'For Your Consideration' DVD for this season.
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #195.
This was the last episode completed before the WGA strike that started on November 5, 2007.