Two and a Half Men

Season 5 Episode 1

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 24, 2007 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
175 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Jake is getting ready to start a new school as he advances to junior high. Alan and Charlie take him school shopping and find themselves in trouble.

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • A nice opener to the new series

    A nice opener to the new series.

    In what I thought was one of the funniest episodes in a while, Jake prepared for Junior high but his first day was more than "a bad school day", Jake ended up ditching just because of all the warnings that Alan and Charlie gave him prior to his first day. But, this turned out to be a wicked premiere and I can say, we have another great season on our hands. The wicked premiere was focussed on Charlie, Jake and Alan of course, but just them. The funniest scene was Alan's determination to stand up for himself on the highway when the bully in front of him wouldn't move. "God Charlie! Why didn't you help your baby brother?"moreless
  • Loved it possible spoilers

    I just watched this episode on Paramount comedy and thought it was great. The most funniest thing in the entire episode had to when Charlie was using various objects to rub his private area on cos he had an itchy rash. That really reminded me of an episode from season 4 NCIS when Proby gets poison ivy down there and does the same thing that Charlie did. The look on Jakes face kept getting more traumatised as Alan and Charlie went on about what not to do at High School. No wonder Jake never went to school on his first day.moreless
  • Another great episode.

    I have to say like the previous viewer, I have to say that this was a great episode, but certainly not a classic. My reasoning is that there was not enough Berta. But this was the only blemish I had with this episode. It really does involve preparing Jake for junior high school. It was funny how Alan bought him a cell phone for reasons that stem from Alan's experience in high school, which was not always pleasant. The sub-plot involving Charlie's genitals was funny as well. I think the best part was Alan trying to overcome his fears of being bullied around and HOW that backfired on him. And also how Charlie wouldn't get out the car to help Alan with the bully was pretty hilarious as well. Another overall great episode.moreless
  • A good episode SPOILERS

    This is a great episode, however not the best season opener. The story is based around Jake preparing for a new school. Subplot = Charlie has a rash on his privates.

    The episode is very funny and has some great Two and a Half Men classic moments. The problem with this episode is that there isn't enough Charlie.

    Although the story has never been hugely necessary or hugely important in these types of comedies this one was particularly weak, it needed slightly more substance to work.

    The comedy was still good though and, although crude, the rash was still a funny addition to the episode. Overall the episode is a good one and I look forward to the rest of the season.moreless

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (4)

  • QUOTES (10)

    • Alan: I hope [Jake] didn't wander under the bleachers during lunch hour.
      Charlie: Ah, he's smarter than that.
      Alan: Smart? Charlie, he only got out of 6th grade because he couldn't fit in the desks anymore.

    • Charlie: Face it, Alan. When the good Lord was handing out courage, you were crouched in a locker, peein' on your gym socks.

    • (holds up a camera)
      Alan: Smile.
      Jake: About what?
      Alan: I need a current picture in case you go missing.
      Charlie: Alan, you're being ridiculous, they never find those kids.

    • Alan: Oh, I almost forgot, I got you a little present: your very own cellphone.
      Jake: Ah, cool!
      Alan: Now, the important thing to remember is that this is not a toy. It's to use in emergencies only.
      Jake: "Emergenies?" What emergencies?
      Charlie: (whispering) "Dad, come get me. I'm stuffed in my locker and my underwear is wet."
      Alan: That only happened once.

    • Alan: You'll see things will go great for you. You just have to remember a few things.
      Jake: Like what?
      Alan: Well, er, always keep your lunch money in your shoe, but have some spare change in your pocket.
      Jake: How come?
      Alan: Decoy money. They won't stop hitting you til they get something.
      Jake: Who are "they"?
      Alan: The big kids holding you by the ankles and plunging your head into the toilet.
      Jake: Plunging my head into the toilet?!
      Charlie: Don't freak the kid out, Alan. It's not so much "plunging" as "dipping".

    • Charlie: So, junior high eh? Boy, that brings back some memories. Doesn't it, Alan?
      Alan: Can we please not go down that road?
      Jake: What happened?
      Alan: Nothing, it's just that kids in junior high can be a little judgmental.
      Berta: Especially if you're knocked-up.
      Alan: Thank you, Berta.
      Berta: Of course on the upside, pregnant chicks didn't have to go to gym.
      Charlie: Did the guys who got 'em pregnant get any consideration... nooo. Not even a hall pass.

    • Charlie: Getting hit in the face hurts. But you know what hurts more?
      Jake: A kick in the crotch?

    • (Jake is trying on some new shoes)
      Alan: How do they feel?
      Jake: Okay, but they are ugly. They look like old people shoes.
      Alan: They are not old people shoes. They are walking shoes.
      Charlie: Right… People who've been walking for over 85 years.

    • Alan: You sure it's just a rash?
      Charlie: What else could it be?
      Alan: Uh, well, since we are talking about your private area, it could be anything from Ebola to mad cow disease.
      Charlie: You get Ebola from monkeys, right?
      Alan: Right.
      Charlie: It's just a rash.

    • Charlie: Hey, Berta, how have you been washing my underwear?
      Berta: Like I do with everything else around here: with a song on my lips and love in my heart.
      Charlie: I'm serious. I got a rash in my… you know… my private area.
      Berta: "Private?" You get anymore traffic down there and you gonna have to open a Starbucks.

  • NOTES (3)

    • The German episode title is "Ziege bleibt Ziege", meaning "Once a Goat, Always a Goat". The French title is "Le grand saut", meaning "The Big Jump". The Italian title is "La paura fa novanta", meaning "The Fear of Being Ninety". The Spanish title is "Pájaros Grandes, Arañas y Mamá", an exact translation.

    • International Airdates: Norway: August 20, 2008 on TV3; Slovakia: January 18, 2010 on Markiza

    • When Charlie, Alan and Jake are walking to the bus stop, behind them is the house used for the television series Bewitched.