Two and a Half Men

Season 5 Episode 1

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

5
Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 24, 2007 on CBS

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  • Quotes

    • Alan: You'll see things will go great for you. You just have to remember a few things.
      Jake: Like what?
      Alan: Well, er, always keep your lunch money in your shoe, but have some spare change in your pocket.
      Jake: How come?
      Alan: Decoy money. They won't stop hitting you til they get something.
      Jake: Who are "they"?
      Alan: The big kids holding you by the ankles and plunging your head into the toilet.
      Jake: Plunging my head into the toilet?!
      Charlie: Don't freak the kid out, Alan. It's not so much "plunging" as "dipping".

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