Two and a Half Men

Season 5 Episode 1

Large Birds, Spiders and Mom

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 24, 2007 on CBS



  • Quotes

    • Alan: Oh, I almost forgot, I got you a little present: your very own cellphone.
      Jake: Ah, cool!
      Alan: Now, the important thing to remember is that this is not a toy. It's to use in emergencies only.
      Jake: "Emergenies?" What emergencies?
      Charlie: (whispering) "Dad, come get me. I'm stuffed in my locker and my underwear is wet."
      Alan: That only happened once.