Alan says the title, "Meander to Your Dander", in the opening scene.
Charlie: I once handed a date my Visa so she could pump gas for me, and on my next statement, there were charges for a boob job and a PlayStation 3. And I never got to play with either one of them.
Jake: You know what's a good movie? Snakes on a Plane. Airplanes are already scary, plus there's snakes everywhere: in the overhead compartment, in the bathroom, open the barf bag... (imitates opening bag and jumping back startled) SNAKE! (turns to Charlie with arm extended) SNAKE!!
(watching a boxing movie)
Jake: In ultimate fighting they kick, they elbow, they get a guy down and smash his head in the floor. These guys just dance around and barely hit each other.
Charlie: Okay, okay, listen to me. Boxing is a science. Boxers don't just wail on each other: they strategize, feel each other out, wait for an opening.
(Jakes glances at the TV, then back to Charlie)
Charlie: Tell you what—I'll be your wingman. I'll go over and engage the mom in conversation. Then, after I've greased the wheels, I'll give you a signal. You saunter over and work your magic.
Jake: Well, then, just say "walk". You don't have to make up words.
Alan: I'm in trouble here, Charlie. How do I get out of a stagnant, joyless relationship?
Charlie: If I knew how to do that, you wouldn't still be living here.
(on dumping a girl)
Charlie: You're supposed to meet her there.
Charlie: What do you mean, "Why?" You're gonna break up with her and then drive her home? You'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of your car.
Alan: You didn't say anything about that.
Charlie: It's common sense. Do you know why Custer and Sitting Bull didn't share a pony to Little Big Horn? Because they knew there were gonna be hurt feelings, and the ride home would be awkward!
Jake: She is kind of cute.
Charlie: Why don't you go talk to her?
Jake: I don't know what to say.
Charlie: That's never stopped you from runnin' your mouth before.
Alan: Don't you dare feel sorry for me. This is what an adult relationship looks like, Charlie. People get comfortable with each other and they develop a routine, and if it's not always fireworks and explosions, well that's a reasonable trade for a warm, collegiate partnership.
Charlie: You poor, poor bastard.
Alan: I went over Donna's house to break up with her.
Charlie: I'm proud of you.
Alan: Thanks... You're gonna meet her parents next weekend.
Charlie: But you just said—
Alan: I know what I said, but I just couldn't do it. I'm not capable of rejecting another human being.
Charlie: Wow, you would think after all these years, you'd want to get even.
The German episode title is "Potpourri und Pfefferspray", meaning "Potpourri and Pepper Spray". The French title is "La rupture", meaning "The Break-Up". The Italian title is "Tedioso, banale e prevedibile", meaning "Tedious, Banal, and Predictable". The Spanish title is "El meollo de la cuestión", meaning "The Heart of the Matter".
International Airdates: Slovakia: January 25, 2010 on Markiza
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #197.
Though not mentioned by name, the comment about it taking forever to actually see the shark, along with hearing John Williams' score, indicate Charlie and Jake are watching Steven Spielberg's 1975 movie adaptaion of Peter Benchley's 1974 novel, Jaws.
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