(on dumping a girl)
Charlie: You're supposed to meet her there.
Charlie: What do you mean, "Why?" You're gonna break up with her and then drive her home? You'll need the Jaws of Life to get her out of your car.
Alan: You didn't say anything about that.
Charlie: It's common sense. Do you know why Custer and Sitting Bull didn't share a pony to Little Big Horn? Because they knew there were gonna be hurt feelings, and the ride home would be awkward!