Two and a Half Men

Season 9 Episode 1

Nice to Meet You, Walden Schmidt (1)

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 19, 2011 on CBS



  • Trivia

  • Quotes

    • Alan: I'd like to take a moment to talk about my brother and his incredible love for life.
      Lydia: He also loved being spanked.
      Michelle: …while wearing my panties.

    • Alan: (while giving the eulogy) I understand some of you have "mixed feelings," but I think we can all agree that Charlie lived life to its fullest and gave it everything he had.
      Isabella: He gave me herpes.
      Chelsea: Chlamydia.
      Gail: Vaginal warts.

    • Alan: (looking at the ashes on the floor) That's my dead brother.
      Walden: Oh, I'm sorry I made you spill him.
      Alan: That's okay, that's okay. I'll Dustbust him later.

    • Rose: Charlie Harper was the love of my life, and a wonderful, wonderful man.
      Sherri: (faking a sneeze) Selfish pig!
      Rose: Sure, our relationship had its ups and downs, and the occasional restraining order, but in the end, we ran away together to Paris, where he asked me to marry him. I said yes, and the next few days were the happiest of my life. Nothing could spoil it. Not even when I came home from shopping and found him taking a shower with another woman.
      (everyone else murmurs in agreement that Charlie would do that)
      Rose: But I forgave him, because I loved him unconditionally. So you can imagine my horror when the very next day, he slipped on the Metro platform and fell in front of an oncoming train.
      Berta: (sotto voce) Never cross a crazy woman.

    • Alan: My point is, Charlie lived life on his own terms and-and never apologized for who he was.
      Mia: Yeah, blah, blah, blah. Why can't we see the body?
      Courtney: Yeah, I didn't come all this way to spit on a closed coffin.
      Alan: Okay, I understand how you feel, but, uh, due to the circumstances of his passing, the remains aren't exactly… spittable.

    • Walden: Guess what? I had sex with two girls last night.
      Alan: Great. I masturbated and cried myself to sleep.

  • Notes

    • This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #348, a picture of three cans: two upright and one toppled over.

    • Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson crossover their titular roles as Dharma and Greg Montgomery from Dharma & Greg, one of Chuck Lorre's earlier shows that ran from 1997–2002. Additionally, their co-star Joel Murray (who played Pete Cavanaugh) appears, but in an unrelated role as a deliveryman.

    • International Airdates:
      United Kingdom: September 26, 2011 on Comedy Central
      Finland: September 4, 2012 on Sub

  • Allusions