Two and a Half Men

Season 1 Episode 1


Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Sep 22, 2003 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
217 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Charlie's life is turned upside down when his brother and nephew move in with him.

Who was the Episode MVP ?

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  • Alan and Jake move in with Charlie.

    There are certain shows where you can tell from the very first episode that they are going to be classics. Shows like Seinfeld, All In The Family, Cheers and The Brady Bunch brought a unique offering to network television and Two And A Half Men follows in that same route.

    We get Charlie Sheen on a comedic role in this 22 minute offering, giving viewers nothing but laughs and knee-slapping humor. Jon Cryer, while behaving like a less funny Ed Helms, also presents an opposite string of dialogue to Charlie's, recreating an Odd Couple vibe with this 2003 program. The kid, while not a strong actor, is utilized in a way that does not disrupt the flow of the program. This was just a strong episode that set the pace for a great series.

    As the show gears up for its fifth season in a time where most comedies fail to make it past the first, its evident that a strong pilot episode is the key to success.moreless
  • the first episode of 2 and 1/2 men

    it's the first episode of 2 and 1/2 men some how this show gets over and more than 15 million viewer how they do that man and they first episode is about Alan needing a place to stay so he looks for his carefree jingle writing brother Charlie and later Alan's son joins in living with Charlie too and Alan trys to fixs things out with his wife Julith and later on in this show Charlie wants Alan to leave his house and what else can happen in this show and how do they get over 15 million viewers not a lot of shows can do thatmoreless
  • Nice premiere, not the best but still great

    Well, in the first episode ever of 'Two and a half men', Charlie Harper, a single man who dates women all the time lives in a beach house where he spends quality time doing what he wants etc etc. What I found funny for the start was Rose, leaving messages on Charlie's answer phone calling him Monkey man. She's nuts. Then, while Charlie was doing it off with a girl, Alan calls Charlie and they both chit chat. Alan actually walks in on Charlie and the girl and receives a nasty surprise.

    So, Charlie's life will immediately change when Alan (his brother) needs somewhere to live (possibly not his mother's home) so Alan asks Charlie is he'd do the honour of allowing Alan to stay with Charlie as he and Judith are breaking up and having a divorce. Judith (the wife) reveals she's gay (can't remember if it was this episode or the next) but it was funny.

    So, after some mayjor problems and strife just moving in to Charlie's beach house and avoiding their mum, Alan is now officially living with his older brother; Charlie Harper (the KING of the house).

    Then there's Jake, Alan's son and Charlie's nethew who stays there on weekends. Sorry Charlie, but your freedom/paradise can be kissed goodbye! We now officially have Two men and the half (being Jake) as a nice happy family (mainly during weekends). Charlie also taught Jake a thing or two on gambling!

    So, overall, great premiere, it would not classify it as 'funny' but 'very interesting' and a great start to a hilarious comedy that will remain one of my long time favorites!moreless
  • Bad, but not worst

    When I watched this pilot, the first thing I remembered was Friends. The whole Alan married a woman, that turned out to be a lesbian, is exactly like Ross marrying a woman that turned out to be a lesbian. Therefore, this is, in a way, a copy of the Ross story. The characters are, well lets say, like many others that passed on tv. Get something new, invent, progress.

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (2)

    • When Charlie first speaks with Alan's wife, he calls her "Judy" instead of Judith.

    • When Charlie is talking to his nephew on the patio outside, the beer bottle spins several times, as is indicated by the label being in different positions. However, no one touches the bottle after it is put down.

  • QUOTES (16)

    • Woman: (to Charlie about him and Jake) You guys are really great together.
      Charlie: Thanks.
      Woman: Your wife must be proud.
      Charlie: Oh, no, I'm not married.
      Woman: Too bad. (smiles and saunters away)
      Charlie: (to Jake) Wow, you're even better than a dog!

    • Jake: If drinking makes you feel bad, why do you drink?
      Charlie: Nobody likes a smart ass, kid.
      Jake: You have to put a dollar in the swear jar. You said "ass."
      Charlie: Tell you what. Here's a twenty. That ought to cover me until lunch.

    • Charlie: (About Alan living with Evelyn again.) You've been living here for a few weeks now, I assume you have blood in your stool.

    • Charlie: Look at you all grown up and back living with mom. How good do you feel about yourself right now on a scale from one to...two?

    • Charlie: You gotta love that kid. I played him "Stairway to Heaven", and he still thought the Maple Loop song was better.

    • Alan: You have someone who comes into your house and glues your cabinets shut regularly?
      Charlie: You've met some of the whack jobs I've went out with, this shouldn't be that much of a stretch.

    • Charlie: Why would I lie? The ocean is closed today.

    • Charlie: What are you smiling about?
      Jake: You don't have any food.
      Charlie: Yeah, but I'm not the one who's hungry. Who's smiling now, shorty?

    • Alan: Judith, I can change.
      Judith: Oh, please, Alan. You are the most rigid, inflexible, obsessive, anal-retentive man I've ever met.
      Alan: Rigid and inflexible—don't you think that's a little redundant?

    • Charlie: Well, Alan, there's not much to say. I make a lot of money for doing very little work. I sleep with beautiful women who don't ask about my feelings. I drive a Jag, I live at the beach… and sometimes in the middle of the day, for no reason at all, I like to make myself a big pitcher of margaritas and take a nap out on the sundeck.

    • Girl: So, what do you think?
      Charlie: Wow. It's for you, right?
      Girl: It's for both of us. Don't go away. (She goes into the bathroom)
      Charlie: Don't worry. There's not enough blood left in my legs to go anywhere.

    • Charlie: Well, yeah, but not a woman who doesn't like sex.
      Alan: And, Jake, this could just destroy Jake.
      Charlie: Jake?
      Alan: My son.
      Charlie: Oh, yeah, teenagers are pretty sophisticated these days.
      Alan: He's ten.

    • Alan: I am not comfortable with this. Maybe I should go and wait in the car.
      Charlie: You're not waiting in the car. Trust me, this is a great way to meet women.
      Alan: I don't wanna meet women. I'm still married.
      Charlie: C'mon. Your wife is out meeting chicks, why shouldn't you?
      Jake: (singing)'s the sweetest breakfast treat, it's maple-maple-maplelicious.
      Hot Chick: Your son is just adorable.
      Alan: Oh. Thank you.
      Hot Chick: You and your... life partner must be so proud.
      Charlie: You're right. Go wait in the car!

    • Alan: Look. Ok, this is just until things are settle out. A couple of days max. She'll come to her senses.
      Charlie: Yeah, that's what women do.

    • Jake: Your mom is my grandma.
      Charlie: Yup.
      Jake: Grandma says you're a bitter disappointment.

    • Charlie: You know your uncle Charlie wrote that song.
      Jake: No lie.
      Charlie: Kid, if I was going to lie to you, I would have said I wrote "Stairway to Heaven".

  • NOTES (8)


  • 10:00 pm