Alan: (to a very overweight patient) Oh, Mr. Dunlop, good to see you again. How we doing today?
Mr. Dunlop: Not good. I was making love to my wife last night.
Alan: Oh my God, is she okay?!?!
Mr. Dunlop: She's fine. She was on top.
Alan: Principal Gallagher's lesbian lover might drop by to kick my ass.
Charlie: Oh, good, remind me to rewind the camcorder.
Alan: You turned my business into a brothel.
Charlie: I thought you'd be proud of me. I didn't touch a single patient.
Charlie: What's this?
Coco: Your cut.
Charlie: Ching, ching.
Barbara's Mom: What the hell is wrong with you?
Alan: I don't know, I was a bottle baby.
Charlie: OK, where can I hang myself?
Berta: So, you like making fun of girls with big boobs?
(Berta has a menacing look on her face)
Jake: Not anymore.
Berta: What's the oompa loompa doing here on a weekday?
Berta: He just getting home?
Berta: You really have to wonder how long he can keep burning that penis at both ends.
Alan: It's my fault, I'm stupid and gullible....
Charlie: Annoying, don't forget annoying.
Charlie: What time?
Alan: No, degrees.
Charlie: Wanna play videogames?
Alan: Are you forgetting you're being punished?
Jake: No, but why does Uncle Charlie have to suffer?
Charlie: (to Jake) Why aren't you in school?
Alan: He got sent home for misbehaving.
Charlie: Well, it's about time.
Charlie: This is where you come every day?
Alan: For 11 years. What do you think?
Charlie: I'd have killed myself 10½ years ago.
Alan: Charlie's coming to work with me.
Alan: He's helping me around the office.
Berta: You wanna bet?
Charlie: Oh, for the good old days when you could pretend you were blind and wander into the girls' locker room.
Alan: You actually did that? That's terrible.
Charlie: No, taking the dog from the blind guy was terrible.
German episode title: "Donuts im Stau", meaning "Donuts in the Tailpipe". The French title is "Le mythe des termites", meaning "The Myth of Termites". The Italian title is "Una splendida idea". The Spanish title is "La amante lesbiana de la directora Gallager", an exact translation.
Oompa-Loompas are the mysterious little men from the planet Loompaland in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
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