When Charlie answers his phone sitting in the car with Courtney, the phone is upside down. The black part of the iPhone belongs at the bottom instead of by the ear.
Berta: Is your brother still in bed with his sister?
Alan: Step-sister... to be... and yes.
Charlie: So, where do they put the engine in these things?
Courtney: Where it belongs... in the rear.
Teddy: Thanks for coming, fellas. Means a lot to me.
Alan: Wouldn't miss it. We wish you a lifetime of love and happiness. Right, Charlie?
Charlie: Well, yeah, but he seems hell-bent on marrying mom.
Charlie: I thought you told me to stay away from her?
Teddy: I was just trying to protect you.
Charlie: Okay, Mom, I guess I'll see you at the wedding.
Evelyn: Charlie, the wedding is not for six months.
Charlie: Yeah, but it's bad luck to see the bride beforehand.
Alan: (with the phone in his hand) It's Teddy's daughter, she wants to talk to you.
Alan: But you promised Teddy you'd stay away from her.
Charlie: Hey, I didn't tell her to call me.
Alan: What kind of man would hit on his future step-sister?
Berta: You're just making it hotter for him.
Charlie: What's this?
Courtney: Oh, that's the extended warranty. Just a little extra protection.
Charlie: It's a bit late for that.
Berta: Here we go, Blue Eyes. I made it myself.
Teddy: Thank you.
Evelyn: Nothing for me, thanks.
Berta: I don't recall offering.
Charlie: You want to sell me a car now?
Courtney: Or, I could go downstairs.
Charlie: You wouldn't?
Courtney: I would.
Charlie: Wait a minute. You planned this. You knew they were coming over today.
Courtney: Well, a good salesman pays attention!
Teddy: Come on, Evelyn, give the kid a break. He was probably out last night sowing some wild oats.
Evelyn: He's 40 years old! He has no more wild oats. Just warmed over Cream of Wheat.
Evelyn: (talking about Charlie) I just can't believe he's still in bed.
Alan: He's a drunk, Mom, that's what they do!
Alan: (To Charlie) But it always seems to work out that every time you get laid, I get screwed!
Courtney: What do you have to lose?
Charlie: Well, there's my integrity, my self-respect, my relationship with your father.. give me the damn keys!
Alan: How come you have no problem looking me in the eye after sleeping with my wife's sister, my son's teacher, my divorce lawyer and my old receptionist?
Charlie: I like Teddy.
Courtney: Right now it's all wet, soapy, just waiting for you.
Charlie: Are we still talking about a car?
Courtney: What do you think?
Charlie: I think I should probably get out before I set off the airbag.
Berta: Did Teddy tell you to stay away from his daughter, too?
Berta: Yeah, why would he?
Charlie: (To Courtney) I guess I could come by and take a peek at it.
Berta: First a peek, then a poke.
(Alan is on the phone with Courtney)
Alan: Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea that you were planning on using a fake migraine to get out early. So what did you do? Ooh, menstrual cramps. Yeah, I can't get away with that. Although sometimes I'll use irritable bowl syndrome.
Evelyn: (To Teddy) I'm telling you right now, I'm not having any more children.
Charlie: We'd love to stay, but Alan's got a headache.
Jake: (To Charlie) Not yet!
Alan: Not yet.. debilitating, but I do need to lay down.
Courtney: Well, Evelyn, you know what the say about assuming. When you assume, you're just a bitch.
Teddy: Charlie, I need you to do me a favor.
Charlie: Anything for you, Teddy. Name it.
Teddy: Stay away from Courtney.
Charlie: Name something else.
Charlie: (Referring to Courtney) So Teddy, what's the deal? All this time you've been hiding this beautiful woman from us.
Teddy: Only from you, Charlie.
Alan: I spent 12 years of my life watching my wife fake migraines and orgasms.
Charlie: I'd go with the migraine.
Alan: (To Charlie and Jake) Stop it, the both of you! There will be no puking. We are going to stay, congratulate the happy couple, mingle a little bit, and then I am going to fake a migraine.
(Jake and Charlie are thinking of an excuse to leave Evelyn's house)
Jake: Well, if I eat enough shrimp, I can make myself puke.
Charlie: Start Eating.
(Teddy is finishing his toast to Evelyn)
Teddy: To Evelyn.
Charlie: That poor, clueless bastard.
Alan: It's like a dog sticking his face in a fan.
Jake: You don't do that more than once.
The German episode title is "Eng ist gut", meaning "Tight Is Good". The French title is "Une belle carrosserie", meaning "A Beautiful Body". The Italian title is "Sta alla larga da mia figlia", meaning "Stay Away from My Daughter". The Spanish title is "Duro es mejor", meaning "Tight Is Better".
International Airdates: Slovakia: January 22, 2010 on Markiza
This episode has also been known as "Does This Look Pink To You?" and "Tight's Good".