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Alan says the title Smell the Umbrella Stand in this episode.
Judith: (to Alan) I'm not buying it. I'll be back to get him Monday night, and if I find out you went ahead and took him to Vegas, you'll be getting a colonoscopy from my attorney!
Charlie: (to Alan) I've seen your alimony checks. You already got one.
Charlie: (making a hotel reservation) Okay, we are gonna need two rooms; one for Alan Harper and son, and one for Charlie Harper and a cocktail waitress to be named later.
Berta: Oh, damn it.
Berta: The sink's stopped up again. That kid still doesn't know the difference between the garbage disposal and the drain.
Charlie: What do you want? He's eleven.
Berta: That's no excuse. If he can't tell which hole is which at his age, he's headed for big trouble down the line.
Jake: What am I supposed to do?
Charlie: Watch TV.
Jake: There's nothing on.
Charlie: Play a video game.
Jake: Played them all.
Charlie: Read a book.
Jake: Yeah, right, who's the moron now?
Jake: Well, this is gonna be a sucky weekend.
Charlie: Try spending it with an eleven-year-old who does nothing but complain.
Jake: You mean me?
Charlie: Boy, no wonder they got to write your name in your underwear.
Jake: I'm fine. Let's go. We're men.
Alan: Nope. You're too sick.
Charlie: Some other time.
Jake: I'm really sorry I ruined your trip, Uncle Charlie.
Charlie: That's okay. It's not your fault; it's your dad who won't let you go.
Alan: Thanks, Charlie.
Charlie: Hey, why should he feel guilty?
Alan: [Jake]'s just going to sleep anyway, and I'll keep an eye on him, so you can go.
Charlie: I don't know. It doesn't feel right just abandoning the kid when he's sick.
Alan: Congratulations, now you know what it feels like to be a parent.
Charlie: Yeah. How inconvenient.
Charlie: What would you do if you want to go pee, but you have $500 in the table?
Jake: Go pee?
Charlie: You pee on yourself. Come on, you have pants that cost $50 and $500 that you could win. Do the math.
Jake: So I have to do the math and pee my pants?
The French episode title is "Charlie garde-malade", meaning "Charlie Home Nurse". The Italian title is "Non te ne accorgerai neanche", meaning "You Won't Even Notice". The Spanish title is "Huele el Puesto de Paraguas", an exact translation.
Both Holland Taylor (Evelyn) and Melanie Lynskey (Rose) didn't appear in the original airing of this episode.
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