Russell says the title of this episode.
Alan: I look at life, and I see the cup as half-full.
Evelyn: But the cup belongs to your brother and what it's half-full of is tears.
Charlie: Good one, mom.
Evelyn: You're no one to talk. He at least aspires to normalcy, tries to have meaningful relationships with women. You go out with a girl and break up with her before her hoohah can develop a five o'clock shadow.
Jake: I thought you had a date tonight.
Charlie: Not a date, a date experience.
Megan: What's the difference?
Charlie: About $1,500.
Jake: (watching TV) Is that one the gay vampire or the gay werewolf?
Megan: The vampire. And he's not gay, he's... androgynous.
Jake: So he can write with both hands, big deal.
International Airdates: United Kingdom: February 28, 2011 on Comedy Central; Sweden: March 28, 2011 on TV6; Slovakia: July 16, 2012 on Markiza
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #310.