Charlie says the title of this episode, Taterhead Is Our Love Child.
Alan: Being a father is one of the greatest joys there is.
Jake: Hey, Dad, where's the plunger?
Alan: Uh, laundry room.
Jake: Thanks. I over-wiped.
Alan: No such thing, my son. (to Charlie) Where was I?
Charlie: The joys of fatherhood.
Alan: Right. (Charlie gives him a look) What? There was a time when he didn't wipe at all!
(talking about condoms)
Russel: Whenever you're dealing with a manufactured product, there's always gonna be flaws in the process.
Charlie: Yeah, but aren't they supposed to be tested before they go out, or in?
Russel: Well, sure, but they don't test every one.
Charlie: They don't?
Russel: Masturbating's looking better and better, huh?
Charlie: What I've wanted to ask you is, do you think I've been a good role model?
Jake: Are you kidding? You drink, you gamble, you have different women here practically every night. You're the best role model a guy could want!
Evelyn: So, Jake, how do you like high school?
Jake: I'm in eighth grade.
Evelyn: Ah. When do you start high school?
Jake: Hard to say. Eighth grade's really kicking my ass.
Charlie: (on Jake's texting) Look at him. He can type 80 words a minute with his thumb, but he can't pee without hitting the shower curtain.
Alan: Fortunately, typing is a job skill, and peeing is not.
Alan: Hey, are you alright?
Charlie: No, I'm not.
Alan: What's going on?
Charlie: Alan, I have always conducted my sex life according to three simple principles: One—if at all possible, ladies first; Two—it is easier to be forgiven than ask permission; and third and most important—the ten seconds it takes to put on a condom beats the hell out of the ten years you have to pretend to like soccer.
Alan: (on condoms not being 100% effective) Haven't you read the package?
Charlie: Who reads the package? It's not like a cereal box.
The German episode title is "The Wunschkind", meaning "The Planned Child". The French title is "Gogol est l'enfant de notre amour", an essentially exact translation. The Italian title is "Vecchie storie", meaning "Old Stories".
In this episode, Brendan Patrick Connor plays Clive, a mailman who Charlie suspects could be Jake's father. In the season 4 episode "Corey's Been Dead For An Hour", he played the adult version of Jake.
Latin America: November 3, 2008 on Warner Channel
Czech Republic: January 6, 2010 on TV Nova
Slovakia: September 28, 2010 on Markiza
Music: Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle", sung by Jon Cryer (Alan)
This episode's end titles has Chuck Lorre's Vanity Card #214.