Two and a Half Men

Season 8 Episode 5

The Immortal Mr. Billy Joel

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Oct 18, 2010 on CBS



  • Quotes

    • Alan: (gives Jake a check) Alrighty. Here we go. Thirty eight dollars and 41 cents for school pictures.
      Jake: Thanks. You forgot to sign it.
      Alan: No-- Did I? Oh, silly me. Ha, ha. (signs the check)Um, "Alan Jerome Harper, D.C."
      Jake: District of Columbia?
      Alan: Doctor of Chiropractic. You know, not everyone can use those letters after his name.
      Jake: Congratulations. Give me the check.(looks at the check) You put the wrong date.
      Alan: Oh, did I?
      Jake: Yeah. See? It's for next month.
      Alan: Ah, don't worry about that. That's just for bookkeeping purposes.
      Jake: This isn't gonna be like the check you gave me for the field trip to Catalina, is it?
      Alan: Hey, that was the bank's mistake.
      Jake: The teacher made me stay on the boat while everyone else went swimming with dolphins.
      Alan: Dolphins carry disease, Jake.
      Jake: (leaves with the check) Alan Harper, D.I.C.
      Alan: You're welcome.
      Jake: You're cheap.
      Alan: I'm not cheap, I'm broke. There's a difference.
      Charlie: (walks by Jake) He was cheap long before he was broke.