Two and a Half Men

Season 4 Episode 3

The Sea is a Harsh Mistress

Aired Thursday 9:00 PM Oct 02, 2006 on CBS
out of 10
User Rating
151 votes

By Users

Episode Summary

Charlie tries to surf to impress Dottie, a beautiful woman he just met, but after he nearly drowns he is convinced that he saw his late father.

Who was the Episode MVP ?

  • Jake gets all the best lines

    Loved this episode. Charlie nearly drowning and thinking he saw his dead father was great. Alan being jealous Charlie had the experience and their father didn't ask about him was priceless. The mother's lips were so funny. I wonder how they made her lips look that big. Was it fake lips or a camera trick?
  • Take care of you\'re mother.

    I love this episode, was sooo fun. Poor Charlie, he thinks that his fathers message was to take care of his mother in a good way, when her really meant that kill her hahaha. Then Alan when they tell him that he was an unplan kid, that was great. When Charlie starts to ask his ftaher what he means with \"take care of you\'re mother\" and then Rose answered, and how horrible the mother look with the lips. The last part was brilliant, the movie, you have to take care of her and means kill her, and then when the guy came and ask to walk with Charlie haha.moreless
  • It was pretty lame...

    This definitely was not all the time worth into making it. Probably one of the most dull and boring episodes I've ever come across for this awesome comedy show.

    I don't know, the boys taking care of their mother, Charlie almost drowning while trying to surf, it just wasn't right for me. A fairly dull and boring episode. I love this show, but not this episode and it has been a let down to this new season. Despite Evelyns funny parts, it just wasn't right for me. It's loosing the laughs and the humor. Perhaps some new things need to be added to improve the ratings and the unfortunate way of doing that for a show like this is to add more SEX. No thanks.

    Overall, I love this show, but this episode, it was dull and just not interesting.moreless
  • Funny.

    The storyline with Charlie nearly dying in the ocean was vastly similar to something another great sitcom, Curb Your Enthusiasm did, except this episode was much better done than when Larry David almost died on that show. They didn't fret too much on this issue and he was actually different to see something serious on Two and a Half Men as opposed to the usual 99% jokes ratio. Not that I don't prefer things that way, but it is refreshing to see something different once and awhile.

    The episode was just really, really funny, something Season 4 was not, too often.moreless
Sammi Reed

Sammi Reed


Guest Star

Robert Clotworthy

Robert Clotworthy

Gangter boss (voice)

Guest Star

Brian Wade

Brian Wade


Guest Star

Melanie Lynskey

Melanie Lynskey


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (1)

  • QUOTES (11)

    • Alan: When was the last time you called mom just to see how she was doing?
      Charlie: Uh, whoo. What's today, Sunday? Then never.
      Alan: Why don't you start with that?
      Charlie: OK, fine. (takes his phone out of his pocket)
      Alan: Remember her number?
      Charlie: I've got it on speed dial. 666. Cute, huh?

    • Evelyn: So, how is work?
      Charlie: Fine.
      Evelyn: Are you seeing anybody special?
      Charlie: Nope.
      Evelyn: Charlie, did you ever stop to think that our relationship is strained because you won't let me in? You won't share.
      Charlie: You know why I won't share with you, Mom? Because anything I say will be used against me.
      Evelyn: Oh please...
      Charlie: I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have a prostate problem. I buy a new Mercedes, you call it a Nazi phallic symbol. I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm paying her by the hour, or per schtup!

    • Charlie: I think I'll go to the bathroom.
      Evelyn: Why?
      Charlie: What do you mean "why"? I have to go.
      Evelyn: When was the last time you had a prostate exam?
      Charlie: It feels like I'm having one now.

    • Alan: Since when do you have a wet suit?
      Charlie: Since I moved to the beach and noticed it was full of hot surfer chicks. (blows dust off of his surfboard) If I lived next to Jellystone Park I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket.

    • Alan: You don't surf do you?
      Charlie: Not a bit.
      Alan: So how did Gidget get the idea you were 'The Big Kahuna'?
      Charlie: I told her I 'hanged ten' and I guess she misunderstood.

    • Charlie: (answering the phone) Mom? Hi! Yeah, okay. Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay... okay. (hangs up)
      Alan: So, everything okay?

    • Evelyn: Charlie was a planned baby.
      Alan: What was I?
      Evelyn: Well, dear, you were a pitcher of margaritas and a gas station condom.

    • Alan: Come on, Jake, we're going to the movies.
      Jake: On a school night?
      Alan: Why not? You're flunking anyway.

    • Berta: (sees Evelyn's swollen lips) What'd you do, fellate a beehive?

    • Jake: Dad said you almost drowned today?
      Charlie: Yup!
      Jake: Are you okay now?
      Charlie: I'm fine.
      Jake: Can I ask you a question?
      Charlie: Sure.
      Jake: It's about what happens when you die.
      Charlie: Okay.
      Jake: Who gets your car?

    • Jake: Dad says you got your butt in your lips.
      Alan: Just eat your dinner.
      Jake: So if you burped now, it'd really be a fart, right?

  • NOTES (2)

    • The German episode title is "Die See ist eine harte Mutter", meaning "The Sea is a Harsh Mother". The French title is "Le baiser de la mort", meaning "The Kiss of Death". The Italian title is "Mare traditore", meaning "Treacherous Ocean". The Spanish title is "La mar es una estricta gobernanta", meaning "The Sea is a Harsh Governess".

    • Though credited, Marin Hinkle does not appear in this episode.


    • Charlie says, "If I lived next to Jellystone Park, I'd have a bear suit and a picnic basket," referring to the setting of the Yogi Bear cartoons.