Two Guys and a Girl

Season 1 Episode 1

Pilot

5
Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Mar 10, 1998 on ABC
9.8
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Episode Summary

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Pilot
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In the first episode of this series we meet three best friends; Pete, Sharon and Berg. Pete decides to break up with his girlfriend Melissa because he doesn't think she's 'The One.' When Berg thinks he has already went through with it, he accidentally mentions Pete's intentions, unaware that Pete has changed his mind. Melissa becomes angry and breaks up with Pete leaving it to Berg to save their relationship. However, being Berg, he only makes things worse.moreless

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions

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    • TRIVIA (0)

    • QUOTES (26)

      • Sharon: I didn't even get a tip.
        Berg: You told a customer to shut up or you'd bash his head in with a shovel.
        Sharon: (irritated) Well, he kept 'waving' at me.

      • Pete: Berg, what do you think is gonna happen to Sharon?
        Berg: I'm sure she'll settle down, have kids...
        Sharon: (pounds on the window) Get your butts back in here!
        Berg: (to Pete) ...Take over Cuba.

      • Pete: Berg, I'm not like you, all right? I don't find pearls when I eat oysters, I can't learn Russian in three days from a book called 'How To Learn Russian In Three Days'. I wish I could, but I can't.
        Berg: That's why you have me.
        Pete: Are you gonna have my children?
        Berg: There is an experiment at MIT next week.

      • Pete: I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at me. Berg, I'm gonna be 25 and I don't even know where my life is. And the one good thing I had, I messed up. When my dad was my age, he had a house, he had a wife, he had me! I mean, what do I have?
        Berg: You have the ability to suck the life out of an evening!

      • Sharon: Do you still have to tell the truth?
        Berg: I'm not sure. Ask me if I like your hair this way.
        Sharon: Do you like my hair this way?
        Berg: Yes. Very much. (To Pete) It wore off.

      • (About Melissa).
        Berg: I told her about the laughing.
        Pete: You what?!
        Berg: You know, when you guys have sex? She laughs like a crazy lady in an attic.
        Sharon: So that's what that is?

      • Pete: I don't believe it. She broke up with me. I just got dumped.
        Bill: (chuckles) Boy, did you ever. And in front of everybody too.

      • Sharon: Geez, you two fight like a couple of broads. Kick his ass, Pete.
        Pete: Can't. He's wearing my shirt.

      • Melissa: Hey, Berg. What have you done to him?
        Berg: Hey, this one isn't me because I'm the one who said he shouldn't break up with you.
        Pete: No!
        Melissa: (angrily) I don't believe you!
        Pete: No I wasn't... he's evil!
        Melissa: He maybe evil but at least he's honest.

      • Bill: I thought I told you no more experiments. They interfere with your work.
        Berg: Well, this is harmless.
        Bill: Yeah, that's what you said when you couldn't get your sweat glands to stop. Had to follow you around with a mop!

      • Berg: Incoming.
        Pete: Oh, it's Melissa. She wore her hair down.
        Berg: I just want you to know that I support you one hundred percent. (shouting) Bill, it's starting!

      • (About Pete, who's standing right next to them)
        Bill: What's with him?
        Berg: He's breaking up with Melissa.
        Bill: What does he wanna do that for?
        Berg: He feels she's not the One.
        Bill: Tell him to shut up.

      • Berg: Hey, why don't you drop me off when you take Pete to class?
        Sharon: What? I'm taking Pete to class?
        Berg: That's perfect. Let us be off.

      • Sharon: Look, if I close this deal today, I'm the commissioner of 500 gallons of toxic cleaner I'm selling to some oil rig. So, I can enjoy a weekend at the Cape while killing off all sea life between here and Guam. Ohh, I hate myself!
        Pete: Yeah, but you love your Beamer.
        Sharon: Love it!

      • (About Berg's asthma experiments)
        Berg: You know how they always say not to exceed the recommended daily dosage?
        Pete: Yeah.
        Berg: Well I'm the guy. Who exceeds it so they know why you shouldn't.

      • Pete: Berg, I can't be late.
        Berg: Nah. When Sharon stops down, we'll make her give us a ride.
        Pete: (checks his watch) What makes you think she's gonna stop down?
        Berg: I stole her last roll of toilet paper.

      • Pete: I spent all night on this (model building), I got a test in structures, we have to be at work at three and (pause) I'm breaking up with Melissa today.
        Berg: Oh boy... We have to be at work at three.

      • Pete: You triple majored in under-grad and you never even opened up a book.
        Berg: That's... the wonder of me!

      • Berg: Why can't you just let me be happy?
        Pete: Because it's not fair to the rest of us!

      • Pete: Well, I'm the guy that had to drive you to the hospital when that new foot spray made your toenails fall off!
        Berg: They grew back thicker!

      • Pete: But you don't have asthma.
        Berg: Don't need it!

      • Pete: We can't all be philosophy majors.
        Berg: It's not my fault a bunch of guys in sandals did my homework for me 4,000 years ago.

      • Berg: Who poured you a double mocha grumpy this morning?

      • Berg: I didn't want you blaming me for screwing up the rest of your life, so I went over there to get you two back together!
        Pete: And?!
        Berg: And she never wants to see you again!

      • Sharon: What's up with him?
        Berg: His breaking up with Melissa.
        Sharon: Good.
        Pete: What? I thought you liked her.
        Sharon: I lied!

      • Berg: Hey Bill, i think its time to get some new chairs.
        Bill: Oh sure, and how about some new tables and a windows, (turns to Pete) because it won't be Beacom Steet Pizza anymore.

    • NOTES (1)

      • It should be noted that Beacon Street Pizza is a fictional pizza parlor. However, Ryan Reynolds was initially unaware of that fact, until he tried in vain to locate it during a trip to Boston.

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Mr. Bauer tells a story of how he once killed a shark by shooting an oxygen tank in it's mouth, making it explode.

        This is a reference to the Steven Spielberg movie Jaws from 1975, starring Roy Scheider and Richard Dreyfuss.

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