Two Guys and a Girl

Season 1 Episode 5

Two Guys, a Girl and an Apartment

Aired Tuesday 9:30 PM Apr 08, 1998 on ABC
out of 10
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Episode Summary

Two Guys, a Girl and an Apartment
Berg and Sharon make it their business to interview possible future tenants when a vacancy opens up in their building. Pete tries to figure out what to get Melissa for their one-year anniversary, and Berg has a severe emotional reaction to his latest experimental product.

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    Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


    • TRIVIA (1)

    • QUOTES (10)

      • Pete: It's driving me crazy.
        Berg: Tell me about it. So far, I've counted six ottomans and only two chairs. What could Mrs. Wexler possibly do with six ottomans?

      • Berg: So basically you want someone who's not gonna bug you. Someone who travels.
        Sharon: Oh, someone who travels would be huge. A pilot would be great.
        Berg: Or even better than a pilot, a stewardess.
        Sharon: They're called Flight Attendants now, Berg.
        Berg: I apologize, that was sexist.
        Sharon: No kidding, and I'm not about to live next door to someone short skirted sky slut.

      • Melissa: Since when did you two become the landlord?
        Berg: Since we changed the number on the 'For Rent' sign to Sharon's apartment.

      • Melissa: So she wants someone low-key and low maintenance, and he wants...?
        Pete: Ultra babes.
        Berg: Speaking of which, we should check your machine.
        Sharon: Good idea, I bet dozens of naked women have called by now.
        Melissa: Look you guys, I'm sure you'll find a compromise. I mean maybe a deaf-mute with a double-D cup.
        Berg: Yummy.

      • Sharon: What is wrong with you? You're irritable, you're eating like a pig, you got teary eyed last night when we were watching a TV commercial.
        Berg: Hey! The guy just called to say 'I love you, mom'.
        Sharon: If I didn't know better, I'd think you were PMS-ing.
        Berg: Oh, sure, just blame it on PMS Sharon, that is so... typical!

      • Melissa: A relationship has to keep going, it's like a shark, you know when a shark stops swimming...
        Pete: ...It dies, I know.
        Melissa: We've stopped swimming.
        Pete: Okay, which leaves us where?
        Melissa: Dead end.

      • Berg: So what am I supposed to do?
        Sharon: Yeah, Pete, I hope you and Melissa really gave some thought to how this is gonna affect Berg.
        Berg: No, what am I supposed to do when I see her? Around the neighbourhood or at the pizza place. Do I like... hide behind a mailbox? Do I say 'Hello'? Do I try to trip her?
        Pete: You say 'Hi' to her you big dummy. When she comes in to the pizza place you treat her like everybody else.
        Sharon: Yeah, you just screw up her order and give her the wrong change.

      • Sharon: I'm leaning towards Max Larson.
        Berg: No way! He lives with his mother and drives a van with no windows.
        Sharon: So? He likes his privacy.
        Berg: Yes, because he's a serial killer!

      • Berg: How can you medical people go around playing fast and loose with something like estrogen? Well, I'm sorry I lied, but you gotta help me. I'm in a bad way. I'm taping Guiding Light, man!

      • Berg: You know Pete, nothing says "I Love You" like a pathetic lack of commitment.

    • NOTES (1)

    • ALLUSIONS (1)

      • Mr Bauer: On our anniversary, my true love and I made something together. It started with a little piece of clay...

        This is an allusion to the movie Ghost from 1990, starring Demi Moore, Patrick Swayze and Whoopi Goldberg. The song playing on the jukebox is the the musical theme to the film, "Unchained Melody" by The Righteous Brothers.