Two Guys and a Girl Season 2 Episode 18

Vanita: You made a date with her yesterday after you told me she was out of your life?
Berg: Well, there's a very simple explanation for that. (Pause) Need a sec.

Pete: I was trying to help. Besides, you wouldn't talk to me about it, I had to talk to somebody!
Sharon: Then get a therapist!

Berg: Okay, now you're forcing me to be mean. What we had was sick. It was an obsession. And it's over. I never want to see you again.
Ashley: That really hurt. But no.

Ashley: I can't afford to give up on our relationship that easily.
Berg: I can.
Ashley: No.
Berg: Stop saying that!

Berg: Have you spoken to Justin?
Ashley: Yeah, this morning. He started to cry.
Berg: This is really awkward.

Johnny: (Laughing) I thought she kissed Berg! But it was you!
Pete: And?
Johnny: You know, you're Pete!
Pete: What's that supposed to mean?
Johnny: Sharon's safe with you!
Pete: She is not! Johnny, I kissed your woman!

Ashley: Hey, you.
Berg: Hey. (They kiss)
Kids: Oooh!
Berg: Hey, I could cut off your jello!
(Later, Vanita comes in)
Vanita: Berg! (They kiss)
Kids: Ooohh!
Berg: Jello!

Pete: What if Sharon kissed a really close friend too?
Johnny: Sharon would never do that.
Pete: Yeah, but say she did.
Johnny: What are you trying to say?
Pete: She did.

Pete: Berg, what are you talking about? Vanita's great, she's wonderful, and best of all, she's not Ashley!
Sharon: Pete! Look, Berg, I think what Pete means to say is Ashley is the devil!
Berg: Hey!
Pete: Okay, she's not the devil. Maybe she just works for him, like a sub-contractor.

Berg: (at pediatrics ward in hospital) I'm afraid I've got some bad news. We're out of Ritalin.

Berg: Hey Robbie, you're looking good. What, you've got a hot date tonight?
Robbie: I thought maybe I'd spill my dinner all over my self, and score a sponge bath.
Berg: The student has become the master.

(After Berg breaks up with her.)
Ashley: No.
Berg: What do you mean,'no'?
Ashley: No. I veto you.
Berg: You can't veto me. I'm not Congress!

Berg: I hate you!
Ashley: I despise you!
Berg: I loathe you!
Ashley: I'll get the hotel room!
Berg: And I'll drive!

Berg: You just ruined my one chance at a healthy relationship!
Ashley: I'm so sorry! I just broke up your '35 second' relationship!

Sharon: That's because you're a sweet guy. You have morals, you're trustworthy. Face it, Pete, you're a wonderful person.
Pete: That is a horrible thing to say! I'm not a wonderful person, I'm walking testosterone. I'm a dog.
Sharon: (in a baby voice) Yes, a cute puppy dog.