Two of a Kind

Season 1 Episode 13

Split Decision

Aired Unknown Jan 15, 1999 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • Mary-Kate says that she can't sleep in the attic because it's too scary. Why didn't she move to the guest room where Uncle Matt stays in episodes 18-22?

  • Quotes

    • Kevin: Hello, Carrie.
      Carrie:'d the stress test go?
      Kevin: Oh, it was very informative. You know what I found out? I have a lot of stress. You know where it comes from? You.

    • Carrie: (After knowing the truth about Dr. Martinson) I feel awful. The poor man must think I'm an idiot.
      Kevin: Actually, idiot was my word.

    • (Kevin's hooked up to some monitors, on a treadmill)
      Dr. Martinson: You know, Carrie and I had a great time the other night. Any idea why she's not returning my calls?
      Kevin: She's not? I didn't know that. Huh.
      Dr. Martinson: That's interesting.
      Kevin: What's that?
      Dr. Martinson: Well, these machines monitor your heart, respiration, and blood pressure. But in a way, they work as a crude lie detector.
      Kevin: (Nervously) Fascinating.
      Dr. Martinson: Yeah. The rates seem to spike when I mentioned Carrie. There they go again.
      Kevin: Huh. Really? Hey, what's that thing over there. (Points)
      Dr. Martinson: That's a soap dispenser, Kevin.

    • Kevin: I hate getting stressed before a stress test!

    • Eddie: (To Carrie) So, uh... I hear you're dating Priscilla, queen of the desert.
      Carrie: (To Kevin) You told "Mr. Sensitivity" about my personal life?

    • Kevin: I tell ya, it broke my heart last night taking Mary-Kate's bed up to the attic. They've had fights before, but this is the first night they've ever spent apart.
      Eddie: Why would a guy wear a bra? Does he look especially chesty?
      Kevin: This fascinates you, doesn't it, Eddie?
      Eddie: I'm curious, it's not everyday you hear about a guy wearing a bra. Sure, my Uncle Manny used to get dressed up like Liz Taylor on New Year's Eve, but that was just a guy having fun. (Pauses) Wasn't it?
      Kevin: Yeah, I'm sure it was.
      Eddie: Well, that changes my entire childhood.

    • Carrie: (About Dr. Martinson) He...
      Kevin: What?
      Carrie: He wears a bra, okay?
      Kevin: Excuse me?
      Carrie: Yeah. When he went to hug me, I felt the straps through his shirt. It was a bra.
      Kevin: You must've been mistaken.
      Carrie: Oh, no, no. Because after he left, I remembered that during dinner he kept adjusting something under his shirt. At the time, I thought it was a nervous habit.
      Kevin: Maybe it was a back brace.
      Carrie: Professor, as a card-carrying woman, I think I know a bra when I feel one. I am guessing a J.C. Penney Frontloader.
      Kevin: But why would he wear a bra?
      Carrie: I don't even wanna go there.
      Kevin: Oh, God, why did you tell me?
      Carrie: Because you made me tell you.
      Kevin: I knew this would happen. Thanks to you, I know now that Victoria's not the only one with a secret.

    • Carrie: You know, professor, just out of curiosity, is Dr. Martinson by any chance... single?
      Kevin: Oh, no, no. I am not fixing you up with my doctor.
      Carrie: Why not?
      Kevin: Because I've got a great rapport with him, and I don't wanna ruin it.
      Carrie: You won't ruin it.
      Kevin: I know, you will.

    • (At the doctor's office)
      Kevin: Okay, Carrie, the girls are waiting. Let's go. (Leaves)
      (Carries stays, keeps looking at Dr. Martinson, Kevin comes back)
      Kevin: Carrie?
      Carrie: Oh. You wanna leave now?

    • Kevin: (To receptionist) Dr. Martinson said to schedule a stress test for next week. It's an insurance thing. Actually, I'm strong as an ox.
      Receptionist: Let's see, I have 4:00 Wednesday.
      Kevin: Perfect. It's a date.
      Receptionist: No, it's a doctor's appointment.

    • Kevin: Okay, my car won't start, so here's the new plan. Carrie, you drop me off at the doctor's now, take Mary-Kate to practice and Ashley to ballet, swing back to the doctor's for me, then go back and pick up Mary-Kate from basketball practice, and wait for Ashley to finish her dance class.
      Carrie: Okay, I didn't follow any of that.
      Kevin: Us... your car... now.
      Carrie: Okay, that I followed. You should talk like Tarzan more often.

    • Mary-Kate: What are you doing?
      Ashley: I just wanted to check that your window is locked securely.
      Mary-Kate: Why?
      Ashley: Oh, didn't you hear? A crazed lunatic escaped from the county jail, it's all over the news! And i just wanted be sure that you were safe.
      Mary-Kate: Yeah, right. Nice try.
      Ashley: Fine, don't believe me. But when he does come through your window, could you scream loud enough to wake up the rest of us?
      Mary-Kate: Look, no lunatic in his right mind is gonna start in the attic. He's gonna start down stairs and work his way up, so your bedroom would be his first stop!
      Ashley: Nuh-uh!
      Mary-Kate: Yuh-huh!
      Ashley: Okay, but see... my room is closer to dad's!
      Mary-Kate: Great! Your pitiful screams will wake him up, so he can run up here and protect me.
      Ashley: You're not scaring me, you know!
      Mary-Kate: Good, because crazed lunatics can smell fear... BOO!
      Ashley: Ahh! (Leaves)
      Mary-Kate: Thanks for stopping by.

  • Notes

  • Allusions