Two of a Kind

Season 1 Episode 21

The Goodbye Girl

Aired Unknown Apr 02, 1999 on ABC



  • Trivia

    • When Kevin gets home from the airport, he says Ashley was talking on the phone with Jared when he left, but we in fact see that she wasn't.

    • We see Kevin leaving for the airport just a couple of minutes after Paul and Carrie, but when he gets there Carrie has already checked in and gone through customs and security, which should take more than an hour.

    • Kevin says that Jared is not going to New York in a month, before he goes to dinner with Carrie. The next day after he says that, Ashley is on the phone with Jared, who is already in New York.

  • Quotes

    • Ashley: It's too bad Dad's date didn't work out.
      Mary-Kate: Yeah. He's not that bad looking for an old man.
      Jennifer: Hello! I can't believe you two don't see it. Carrie's perfect for your dad!
      Mary-Kate: (she and Ashley start laughing) Are you crazy? Dad and Carrie? No way! They spend most of their time arguing.
      Jennifer: So do my parents, and they've been married for 15 years!

    • (At the airport)
      Kevin: (Panting) Carrie.
      Carrie: What are you doing here?
      Kevin: I just wanted... to say... it's a long run from the parking garage.
      Carrie: Here, here. Catch your breath.
      Kevin: I think I knocked over a Jehovah's witness around gate 12, too.

    • Paul: Look, Carrie, we should get going. My parents want me out of my room by noon.
      Carrie: Oh, right.

    • Paul: Hey, professor.
      Kevin: Hey.
      Paul: Carrie ready? I'm taking her to the airport.
      Kevin: Yeah, sure, come on in, Paul.
      Paul: Thanks. Oh, still grading finals, I see. I don't suppose you've gotten to mine?
      Kevin: Sorry, Paul, you're gonna get your grade in the mail like everybody else.
      Paul: Of course, I wouldn't expect any special treatment. Just 'cause I've been in your home, and broken bread with your family, and baby-sat your children - like that means anything.
      Kevin: What's that, Paul?
      Paul: Oh, nothing, nothing. (Softly) Ingrate.

    • Mary-Kate: (About Carrie) But you have fun with her. I mean, she makes you laugh.
      Kevin: Well, so does Homer Simpson, but I don't want to date him.

    • Matt: Hey, nice suit. You going out with Mindy again?
      Kevin: If I were going out with Mindy again, I'd be wearing a gun to my head.

    • Jennifer: You guys have to do something before Carrie leaves town.
      Ashley: Good point. What if Carrie meets somebody in South America?
      Mary-Kate: Who? Juan Valdez?

    • Carrie: Uh-oh. You're home early. How was your date?
      Kevin: Have you known a good one to end before 8:00? I finally told her I had a headache and took her home.
      Carrie: You actually faked a headache?
      Kevin: Oh, there was nothing fake about it. We went to a karaoke bar.

    • Kevin: So, Mindy, I - I hear you teach first grade. That must be very rewarding.
      Mindy: About $26,000 a year.
      Kevin: No, no, I meant working with children.
      Mindy: Oh, yeah. That.

    • (At a karaoke bar; after Mindy sang "Ring of Fire" off-key)
      Matt: Oh, Mindy, that was incredible.
      Mindy: Thank you. Thank you so much. (Laughs)
      Christine: I think you could be a professional singer. Kevin, don't you think she could be a professional singer?
      Kevin: Well, she certainly hit... an assortment of notes.
      Mindy: You should hear some of the notes I hit when I'm not on stage.

    • Carrie: Hey, is my exam in here?
      Kevin: Carrie, school policy. You'll get your grade in the mail like everybody else.
      Carrie: Oh, but I'll be in the middle of the rain forest.
      Kevin: Well, see if you can borrow the village drum and get in touch with me.
      Carrie: Fine, but I doubt you'll hear it with your head so far up your butt. (Leaves)
      Kevin: (To Matt) What?
      Matt: She's just asking for her grade, Kev, not the Colonel's secret recipe.

    • Mary-Kate: Hey, dad, you remember Ethan.
      Kevin: Yeah. You guys playing basketball?
      Mary-Kate: Yeah. Since Ethan's been helping me with my math, I said I'd give him a few shooting tips.
      Ethan: Once I grasped the importance of calculating the arcs and angles of the projectile, I realized that the whole game was nothing more than a geometric exercise played out in 3 dimensions.
      Kevin: And they say white men can't... calculate.

    • Kevin: I mean, we just fixed up your apartment. What about that?
      Carrie: Oh, Paul's gonna sublet it while I'm away.
      Kevin: That kinda throws off all my summer plans.
      Mary-Kate: What plans?
      Kevin: Well, for one thing, spending time away from Paul. (Pauses) And a whole bunch of other stuff.
      Carrie: Like what?
      Kevin: Well, you know, what's the point now? You're not gonna be here. (Leaves)
      Carrie: Your dad doesn't do change well, does he?
      Ashley: I know. I still haven't got the guts to tell him that I'm shaving my legs.
      Mary-Kate: That's because you're using his razor.

    • Carrie: Oh! It's over! Ha, ha! I just took my last exam of the year, my final final. I feel like celebrating.
      Kevin: I feel like celebrating, too.
      Carrie: What for?
      Kevin: You're no longer in my class!

    • Kevin: Ashley, I thought you liked Jared.
      Ashley: I do. It just seems like the more I treat him like dirt, the more he worships me.
      Kevin: And the teen years begin.

    • Jared: So, Ashley, can I walk you to school in the morning?
      Ashley: Jared, tomorrow's Saturday.
      Jared: Oh. Well, where are you going? Maybe I can walk you there.
      Ashley: I'll tell you what, why don't I call you?
      Jared: And then you'll tell me where you're going?
      Ashley: You'll be the first to know.

    • Kevin: Carrie looks pretty hot tonight, doesn't she?
      Mary-Kate: Did dad just use the word... "hot"?

    • Kevin: Why aren't you dressed for dinner?
      Ashley: I can't go, dad. I promised Jared I'd call him to work on our relationship.
      Mary-Kate: And I have a math final that I really need to study for. Have fun, though.
      Mary-Kate & Ashley: Bye.
      Kevin: All right, what's going on? Jared's not leaving for a month, and you'd rather clip grandma's toenails than study.

    • Mary-Kate: Hi, dad.
      Kevin: That wasn't Jerry Springer, was it, Mary-Kate?
      Mary-Kate: Oh, come on, dad! You know I wouldn't watch that trash.

    • (After Kevin gets back from the airport)
      Kevin: (About Ashley) Who's she talking to?
      Mary-Kate: Jared.
      Kevin: She was talking to him this morning when I left. I told her she can only call him once a day while he was in New York.
      Mary-Kate: Oh, she knows. It's the same call.
      Kevin: The same call? Ashley, hang up the phone.
      Ashley: Hold on, dad. I'm almost done. Jared's just telling me what he had for lunch.
      Kevin: Give me the phone.
      Ashley: Just a second. Just a second, dad! Just a second! (To Jared, on the phone) Jared, I need to call you back.
      Kevin: Give me the phone!
      (They both run into the kitchen)
      Mary-Kate: Come on, dad, hit her with the chair!

    • (Mary-Kate's watching a Spanish soap opera on TV)
      Ashley: You DO know that this is a Spanish soap opera?
      Mary-Kate: Si.
      Ashley: You don't speak Spanish. You have enough trouble with English.

    • Kevin: So... I understand you'll be living downstairs while Carrie's away. What happened to your place?
      Paul: Oh, the management asked me to leave.
      Kevin: I thought you lived with your parents.
      Paul: Oh, I do. I do. It's - It's just, uh, less painful when I refer to them as the management.

  • Notes

  • Allusions