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CBS (ended 2015)
Season two of Under the Dome is mere two weeks away.

As I mentioned in the recap of episodes 1 -3 and 4 - 6 this is my first time watching life unfold under a giant, translucent, inescapable orb, so as I write this, I STILL don’t know what happens in the end.

I’m having a very tumultuous relationship with this show, you guys. There are times when I just want to close my eyes and pretend this whole thing didn’t happen. But I stick with it because I started these recaps and I feel like I should finish them for the three people who may actually read it (hey Mom, Fred and Bernice, thanks for hanging in there).

This show is like a genius drug addict. It has so much potential, and yet it’s squandering it on throw-away storylines, plot holes and PROPANE. I’m rooting for Under the Dome, I honestly am. I want to like it, and I feel like a lot of you want to like it too, which is why Season 2 fast approaches.

So, settle in, guzzle a few pints of flaming propane, and refresh your memories!


“Imperfect Circles”

Barbie and Julia were enjoying some guilty early morning canoodling when this lady popped by.

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I guess she just REALLY needs yogurt. Pregnant ladies, ammiright? Anyway, the dome decided to be a mischievous a-hole and tricked her into touching it with a vision of her husband, thus inducing labour… for some reason. Ugh, Dome, sometimes you can be such a dick.

Back at casa-di-crazy, Big Jim was kicking Junior out of the house because… um… well, just because.

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Seriously, Angie had a home before this show began, right? She wasn’t just a grifter living under a bridge eating beans out of a can, correct? Then why, oh why, would she be living with Big Jim? Go home, Angie. Take a shower. Write in your diary.

But before she could do any of that, she had to go to the Diner (LOL) to see Rose’s dead body.

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Ben showed up for exactly zero reasons. For real, I have no idea why he was there. I don’t understand the motivations of his character, nor of the writers for putting him there. THIS, the presence of Ben, was the biggest mystery of this episode. Do the producers just really like this actor and wanted to give him more screen time? I don’t blame them. This kid seems like he’d be a cool dude to chill with. But, um… instead of giving him screen time that makes no sense, maybe just invite him over for video games and pizza.

Anyway, then we skipped to propane. Barf.

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I guess Ollie is now in possession of all the propane. *siiiiiiiiiiigh* Stop smiling like your character isn’t around for the sole purpose of being annoying. No one cares, Ollie.

Julia was taking whatsherface to the hospital when they were gas-jacked by those no-good murderin’ O'Callaghan brothers! But look who showed up and yet again saved the day through violence:

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The teens went wandering through a forest and I actually laughed very loudly when the dog started barking and Joe said “Truman, are you okay?” as if the dog is going to turn around and be like, “I got a bad feeling, dude.” I wonder if Colin Ford reads the script each week and just shakes his head.

Anyway, they found Dome Jr.

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Julia and Barbie brought Harriet to Alice, but Harriet was NOT pleased that she was about to bring a child into Dome Creek.

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Barbie gave her a pep talk and everything was fine. Oh Barbie!

Linda and Junior tracked down those good for nothin’ O'Callaghan twins and gave them the what-for!

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So Junior is a straight-up murderer now. That’s fun.

Norrie and Joe were still playing with Dome Jr. when they had a vision of a beautiful, awesome, talented lady.

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Meanwhile, at the propane warehouse *eye roll*, Big Jim was taking care of business with a little murder of his own.

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You guys, I give Barbie a lot of flack for being a killer, but I think at this point he’s falling pretty far behind on the murder-chart.

Junior dropped in on Angie to tell her the good news.

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This guy.

Norrie and Joe raced home just in time to see Alice die. (uuuuughghghghghg my heart!)

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You guys, I am very mad. Not just because they killed off my girl-crush Samantha Mathis, but also because they made her do one of my biggest pet peeves in movies and TV. Alice said her poignant last words and then promptly died. I’m fairly certain that has never happened in the history of anything. People say their teary goodbyes and then sit around for an hour or two awkwardly eating jello waiting for sweet, sweet death. Or, they are rudely cut off and their last words end up being an unfinished story about when they set up their cat to look like it was reading a newspaper and it was the funniest thing.

Ugh, anyway.

Then the egg lit up.

“Thicker Than Water”

A LOT of this episode focused on my very favourite storyline: who is in charge of the town. (That was sarcasm, you guys. I feel like you should know when I’m being sarcastic by now, because we’ve spent quite a bit of time together, and I made you that killer chili that one time, and you said you really liked my new haircut.)

The episode began with a tense scene between Junior and Big Jim.

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He slipped in some casual backstory about Junior’s mom possibly being a loon, then basically said they are no longer related.

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Elsewhere, Barbie was digging a grave for Alice (miss you already!).

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Joe and Angie did some sibling bonding, then Norrie came down and threw Joe some serious ‘tude. Fair enough, I guess, I’m still upset about losing Samantha Mathis.

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So many things about this moment amused me. 1) Joe was drawing on the back of a menu with crayons like a toddler. 2) He is wearing not one, but two bracelets. 3) He was casually drawing a very secret sub-dome in the presence of a quizzical reporter.
Haha, oh Joe. Aren’t you supposed to be the smart kid?

Big Jim went to confront Ollie and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Back at casa di McAlister, Norrie had a theory.

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Big Jim took our band of heroes out to confiscate Ollie’s farm, but things didn’t go very well.

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They shot Carter! Guys, remember when Carter was just a jerk who threatened Joe during a generator party? Now he’s a… um… has he had a line since then? I guess he worked out his beef with Joe with some chamomile tea and meditation. Seriously though, are we ever seeing Carter again now that he can’t walk and therefore can no longer be a line-less “cop”?

Anyway, then Junior turned coat in a super awkward standoff.

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Big Jim was all for a huge fight, but Barbie had a different idea.

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Back on the farm, Ollie dropped some knowledge on Junior.

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Junior got super pissed that his dad didn’t tell him, which I didn’t really understand. Although I suppose the day I start to understand the inner workings of Junior’s mind is the day I lock MYSELF in a bomb shelter, ammirght, guys?

Joe took Julia to the mini dome and when she touched it, she saw Joe!

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He said, “the monarch will be crowned” and then disappeared. Probably not important. I bet the dome is ingesting too much of those propane fumes and is talking nonsense.

Angie took Norrie to throw some snow globes at the dome, which was actually a pretty cool scene. Norrie broke down, obviously, and it was the first time I actually liked Angie as a person. I’ve felt bad for her, sure, but until this moment I didn’t really care about her at all.

Barbie snuck into the farm to build a bomb, which I guess he just knows how to do because, as we previously found out, he’s got demons.

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There was a big gun fight, people died, and Barbie blew up the well, as evidenced by every single extra yelling “they blew up the well!” and then running away.

Then Junior knocked his dad out with the butt of his gun, which always looks very painful every time anyone ever does that on TV. Guys, if you ever need to knock me out, please use chloroform. That seems way more pleasant than getting slammed in the head with a blunt object. Or, if you don’t have chloroform, just talk about a plot line all about propane, and I’ll fall right to sleep.

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Big Jim lied to Junior so he wouldn’t think less of his mom. How very sinister of him! Junior once again switched sides and shot Ollie and I ACTUALLY CHEERED. I don’t want to jinx it, but does this harken the end of the propane / farm / well storyline?

Joe and Norrie made up, then Barbie and Big Jim practiced their intimidation stares at each other, and Junior camped out in a jail cell.

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Junior straight up admitted that he was homeless and sleeping at the police station (and likely hadn’t changed his clothes in days), and Linda was just like, “huh”, and then left. Haha, she had zero questions or concerns about this. Solid police work, Linda. I realize he's likely a psycho, but I like to think if it were me, I wouldn't let a teenage boy continue to be homeless. Is that just me? I mean... I'm sure Linda has a couch!

For this episode’s big cliffhanger, Julia and Barbie talked about “the monarch will be crowned” as the camera zoomed in on Angie’s butterfly tattoo. GASP?

“The Fourth Hand”

The episode kicked off with Julia walking through a forest in heels (does she own sneakers?) to introduce Barbie to Dome Jr, but it was gone!

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You guys, Big Jim ALWAYS looks like he’s contemplating the pros and cons of murder. Every time we get a close up of this guy he looks downright sinister. I would be super afraid if I were Angie. She’s a very annoying nuisance to Big Jim, and we all know how he deals with those!

Then Barbie and Linda found a tweaker.

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Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Fine. In a related scene (eye roll), Big Jim got a visitor.

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This lady apparently hid in an abandoned house for EIGHT DAYS without being seen by anyone, and somehow watched both Big Jim and Barbie.

Hahahahahhahahahahha… WHAT? Was she laying low until Big Jim’s other adversary died because she doesn’t like to share B-stories? Was she sitting in that house eating all of their stale cereal staring at the roof just wishing someone would kill Ollie so she could make a hilariously grand entrance? Has she been wearing that dress for eight days? I just… it’s so… I can’t even…

Anyway, Junior drove Angie home (is this show trying to redeem him?) and she informed everyone that she, too, had a seizure.

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Joe then debunked the cliffhanger from last episode, saying her butterfly tattoo isn’t even a monarch, to which I was all, “then what was the point of the cliffhanger”, and the show gently stroked my hair and told me to shush.

Barbie and Linda found all the town’s drugs in the Rev’s mind-blowingly clever hiding place: a coffin. Are you seriously telling me the tweaker couldn’t figure that out?? (Shhhh, Toni… just shush).

Okay, show.

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Dodee was weirdly suspicious of Joe and Norrie, because I guess the show needs conflict that isn’t about propane. Speaking of, Jim told Barbie and Linda that he wants to round up all the guns in town. He promised extra food and a heaping piece of propane pie if they complied. But, oh no, a character we just met at the start of this episode who seemed perfectly normal is keeping his guns! This sounds like a job for Barbie and Jim!

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He had a grenade, because of course he did. Big Jim talked him down, then thanked Barbie for not “accidentally” killing him, which means they’re best friends now, I think.

You guys, I’m gonna get real for a second - I think Angie might actually be very stupid. Like, in a way that I’m concerned she isn’t aware of her surroundings, and maybe can’t process information. She followed Junior to his house… alone… past the bomb shelter and into his mom’s cob-webbed creepy studio. Is she perhaps bored with her life and WANTS to be locked up forever and ever?

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Junior’s mom painted a picture with pink stars, so obviously she was somehow connected to the mystery of the dome. OBVIOUSLY.

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Out of all the ludicrous things this show has thrown at us, I think the most unbelievable is that the woman who painted this TAUGHT ART CLASS. Nope.

Linda investigated the propane and found out that Duke zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Then the sexy newcomer barged in on Big Jim and Barbie, and spilled some beans!

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Neither of them want their business told, so this babe now owns them. Cool, now we’ll get to see Barbie wrestling with even more moral quandaries. Can’t wait. (Is this sarcasm? Even I don’t know anymore.)

Back at McAlister Home Base, they found Dome Jr. in the barn! Apparently Joe blacked out and went into the woods and Angie did nothing to stop him because she’s the worst sister in existence. Awesome!

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The end of this episode pretended like we don’t know who the fourth is, but it’s obviously Junior, right? Or is this going to be the one time this show actually surprises me?

Can I take a sec and talk about the fact that it’s been eight days and Barbie and Julia are acting like a full-on married couple? That’s weird, right? Like, even Joe and Norrie are walking that appropriate “what are we?” line, evidenced by Joe telling Angie that Norrie isn’t his girlfriend. Of course she’s not, Joe, because you’ve known her a little over a week. Way to be strangely realistic, you teenage dreamboat!

This is perhaps something Barbie and Julia could learn from? But who am I to judge? I don’t know anything. The last relationship I had was with a mint aero bar and it lasted forty-five seconds.


“Let the Games Begin”

I realize the title of this episode refers to the underground “black market” that Max runs, but I can’t help but feel like it’s also about the show as a whole. Things are starting to get interesting, we’re digging into the mystery of the dome, and secrets are coming out. I hate to be this girl, but maaaaaaaybe the games should have begun in the first act of this show? We had to get through a lot of bull-corn to get to this spot.

One thing I will compliment this show on, is that it bypassed one of TV’s biggest tropes that I hate: people being blackmailed into doing things they don’t want to do because of secrets and / or leverage. Most of the time in these story lines, if they just TOLD someone what was happening, the trouble would be solved.

Last episode it looked like Barbie and Big Jim would be forced to do nefarious things for Max so she would keep their secrets, and I actually groaned. But this episode those secrets are out, so I’ll just tuck that groan away!

The Teen Dome Force woke up in the barn and found a caterpillar inside Dome Jr. Does this mean the dome is the product of a super-smart magical insect?? Yes please! I would not be mad if this show turned into a darker version of A Bug’s Life. Bugs don’t care about propane, right? Anyway, the kids hid Dome Jr. so that no one could ever find it.

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But someone miraculously DID find it!

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Dome Jr. basically told Dodee to back the eff off. Fair enough. I mean, people have been touching it without asking like it’s a pregnant chick’s belly. They don’t like that, by the way. ALWAYS ASK.

Luckily Dodee was very confused.

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Then the Teen Dome Force got some incredibly shocking, mind-blowing news:

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Meanwhile, Barbie and Jim teamed up yet again (is there a ship going for these two? I feel like the dome wants us to), to find out what Max’s ‘insurance policy’ is.

We also got a rare team-up of Julia and Linda.

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Max then showed Barbie her underground den of ‘entertainment’.

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She made Barbie fight so she could bet on him, but this handsome murderer is far too principled for that, so he threw the fight. As if turns out, she bet on the other guy! Max, you saucy minx!

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Big Jim was having some troubles of his own at the hilariously extravagant Island house.

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Turns out this lady is Max’s mother who had to drop out of school for being a pregnant teen hussy. No one would give her a job (because I guess she went to high school in the 1600s), so she had to become a lady of the night. This is why both her and her daughter have a vendetta against Domeville. … Okay. Fine.

It dawned on Angie that HEY WAIT, I BET THE FOURTH HAND IS JUNIOR! So they skedaddled to his mom’s creepy “art” studio to see the infamous Pink Stars painting.

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Meanwhile team Julinda broke their way into some safety deposit boxes and found a letter written by Duke, that Julia had to read out loud because I guess Linda is illiterate. It basically gave the run-down of the propane plot thus far.

Meanwhile, Big Jim had bested Max’s mom and was driving her back to Dome Town, when she fell overboard.

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I don’t really understand what letting her drown accomplished, other than nailing home the fact that Big Jim is 100% a villain.

Then Barbie came clean about his murderous past to Julia.

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There were zero consequences! Julia was VERY cool about Barbie killing her husband, because she figured Peter wanted him to do it for the life insurance.

Once again I would like to remind everyone that this lady was HAPPILY MARRIED less than two weeks ago. Let’s never forget this timeline.

Then the Teen Dome Force all put their hands on Dome Jr, and it gave them a light show!

Guys, can we acknowledge the fact that Angie is on the clear road to forgiving Junior? With phrases like “he locked me up for reasons I thought were crazy at the time…” it’s clear she’s hopping the fence onto Junior’s side of crazy.

You guys, I am throwing snark at this show like my sarcasm is a snow-globe and this show is a giant translucent dome, but you all know I secretly like it, right? I mean, I’ve come to the conclusion that the show is purely terrible, but I wouldn’t still be watching if there wasn’t a part of me that yearned for answers, adorable teen romances and crazy-eyed deputies. Let’s just deem it a guilty pleasure and call it a day!

The show is fun in its absolutely incompetent absurdity. I may even watch the second season after I recover from this one.

Maybe.

See you guys next Monday for the exciting (?) conclusion of Under the Dome Season 1!
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You HAVE to watch season 2! What will I do for entertainment if I can't read these reviews???
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What drowning Max's mother achieved was that they drowned a character whose surname is Seagrave*.

* Originally. If I recall, she changed it to hide her identity.
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wow. seriously wow. Your refresher/review is awesome! Let me put this into context - this show is so bad that I couldn't even bring myself to hate watch it and I gave up on it before the end of season 1 (Still can't believe it got renewed) but I enjoyed your review so much that I'm thinking of checking out season 2 anyway (but only if you keep reviewing the show).
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Toni vs UtD...I smiled at this more than any episode during the season, including the eye-twitching, incredulous, hateful joker grins.

I usually never actually hatewatch a show, which is why I carefully locked up the knives and glowsticks, and slowly, calmly walked away from shows like Arrow, The Walking Dead, True Blood, and Revolution (seriously, what in the farm of fucks was going on there...?). Here, I proclaimed (complete with shaky J'accuse finger) that this show was stupid on Show One, which totally redeemed my negative prediction that this show would be stupid before Show One, yet I not only watched the whole damn season, I 100% intend to return for the second.

I can't quit this show. Heath Ledger's character trying not to love another dude but failing makes perfect sense to me, but me continually watching this show fills me with a smh, why-God-why-because-I'm-not-real-jackass-stop-blaming-shit-like-this-on-me shame that I haven't felt since my xylophone recital at school. (I could tell you the grade...but does it really matter? Could it?)

I don't know exactly what it is about this show (if I did, I at least could possibly kill it), maybe Angie's transseries-proven permahuh face, or maybe I just never get to say 'because show' enough in my life. This show is like a gruesome freeway pile-up composed solely of terrorists; many things are wrong with what you're watching, but they aren't the things you expected, and you find yourself cringing and smiling at respectively inappropriate times. I have to pretend that made perfect sense; if I couldn't, I'd never write anything, and who wants that?

I've also formed a healthy psychosomatic relationship with the Dome to cope with its show, but it's not really as kind to me. It's mostly me running out of motels with crumpled dollars, tears and runny mascara, with the Dome yelling "You liked it!" after me. Sometimes it's cars. Mostly brown station wagons, and there was a Prius, but the Dome was dickish and unforgiving even then.

Anyway, what I'm obviously saying is that this is good work. I'd like to think these posts are something I'd do if I had patience, willpower, desire and talent, but I guarantee that we will never find out. But with you here, we don't need to, so thank you, and remember to let the beans boil slowly for at least four hours.
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LOOOOL :)
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:) brilliant
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Tee hee, what was most surprising about this recap, I thought a lot of this stuff happened earlier in the season. I think I had actually forgotten about the propane by the end. Honestly, I wasn't too focused at the Barbie/Julia thing (you do have to factor in that before Barbie confessed she had found out he had bankrupted them through gambling debts, was actually planning to kill himself or leave her, and wasn't exactly the guy she thought he was...but yes, this relationship moved way fast, but I am, and this is sad news for you, hoping it has more reason for that journey this upcoming season) as much as I was, IT ONLY TOOK EIGHT DAYS TO SET UP THE BLACK MARKET???? I seriously think, and I have no real complete meals in my house right now, but I could have entertained myself in my apartment for that stretch before I went looking for provisions and before I determined I had to resort to criminal activity. Mind you, I live on an island and I guess we are all prepared for that storm (how long can you keep jugs of water, I think I am working on three years now) that will cut us off.

The only real positive from this stretch for me was putting Jim firmly on the path to being a villain (just wait until what he does two episodes from where you are...or actually it might be next episode, I forget how long they chased his scapegoat and said scapegoat sat and was taunted in a jail cell) because I was not super fond of him trying to be a good guy. Like if he does good things for his own benefit, that is fine, but in the middle episodes it was like he was changing.
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