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We made it, you guys. We made it through the entire first season of Under the Dome, and it was a roller coaster ride of absurdity and nonsensical wonder.

As I mentioned in my recaps of episodes 1-3, 4-6 and 7-10, I was a newcomer to Dome Town, and did these recaps as I went, so these are real-time reactions.

Let’s scramble ourselves some inexplicable glowing black eggs and dive right in!

“Speak of the Devil”

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The episode began with the Teen Dome Force trying to figure out what the light show from the previous night meant. Props to Colin Ford for managing to say the line “she said my ghost told her the monarch will be crowned” with a straight face. Anyway, they decided to tell Julia, for little to no reason.

Linda and Big Jim had a chat about propane, and I tried not to stab myself with my fork (I was eating cheese cake… I’m almost always eating cheese cake). And Big Jim said some incriminating things about Barbie that Linda instantly believed even though only days earlier she had offered him a deputy badge. *sigh* Oh, Linda.

Then this happened:

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Max shot Julia right on her own doorstep! You guys, this was the first good WTF moment I had with this show!

Then Junior thought Angie offering him food was a declaration of love.

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Angie was understandably not interested, so Junior threw a tantrum and left, then a storm started! You guys… was it connected??? I don’t know, we never actually find out.

Max and Big Jim had a nice chat where she threatened to hurt someone Big Jim loves just like she shot Julia. That’s bad because Big Jim has decided to actually care about Junior this episode. Remember when he threw him out and disowned him? I guess the writers didn’t.

Joe hilariously drove Barbie and Julia to the hospital, where the one person still working there was too busy for them. It wasn’t an issue, though, because Barbie literally knows how to do anything, so he SUCKED THE AIR FROM HER CHEST WITH A PEN.

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It was very gross, you guys, very, very gross.

Then Angie harped on Junior (they are always making Brit Roberts yell), and he saved her and the storm stopped. … okay. Fine.

Max found the body of her very wet mother and there were zero consequences because then Max was promptly murdered. So…

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Big Jim killed everyone, then tried to kill Barbie too, but he’s BARBIE, so of course he wrestled the gun away. But it was a case of bad timing because Linda came and immediately jumped to all the conclusions.

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Our big cliffhanger was the Teen Dome Force all touching the dome.

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You guys, I don’t like that I now know what all these kids orgasm faces are. It makes me feel like a dirty old perv. Am I alone on this? Anyway, they saw Big Jim with a bunch of knife holes in him, and they were all holding knives. PLEASE tell me this means one of these kids is going to kill Big Jim by the end of this season. PER FAVORE!


“Extringent Circumstances”

The episode jumped right into a manhunt for Barbie, and I guess also a town meeting?

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The teens (and Caroline) decided to take Dome Jr. to Ben’s, because it had been a while since he had screen time.

Then Junior found his dad.

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This relationship baffles me. Is Junior still living in a jail cell? Has he washed his uniform yet? Is he living off stale crackers that he found in Duke’s desk?

Big Jim essentially told Junior to stop being a pansy and go “protect” Julia. You guys, maybe Junior and Angie are meant to be together because he is seriously very dumb.

Speaking of, Barbie turned to Angie for help to save Julia because I guess everyone else he’s ever met was busy.

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Dodee took Big Jim to the radio station where they both overheard the military tattle on Big Jim for a bit of murder.

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You guys, WHY does everyone still trust Big Jim? He walks around doing nefarious things, saying nefarious phrases with a nefarious facial expression. Dodee had JUST learned that he’s a lying murderous jerk-face, and she still sold out Joe and Dome Jr. I liked you, Dodee, but maybe you deserved to get shot. I’M SORRY.

Anyway, then Big Jim burnt down the radio station, because I guess he hates classic rock.

Back at the hospital, Angie was enacting a very intricate plan to lure Junior away from Julia.

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Ugh, this guy.

They got Julia into the ambulance and Barbie gave himself up so Angie could escape, but NOT before he leaned over Julia and whispered “I love you”, because I guess a 9 day relationship based on lies transcends logic.

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Then Big Jim and Caroline had a standoff about his invasion of the barn, but in a tense and thrilling twist, Dome Jr. was NOT in the barn! (This was a weird moment, right? Like… we KNEW nothing was in there, yet Joe and Norrie fought the men and the music swelled when the door opened.) Um. Okay. Then Big Jim arrested Joe and Norrie for no reason.

Oh, but honourable mention to Norrie, who took a swipe at Big Jim with her cute little knife. This girl just GETS IT, you know? Quick question: did Linda even ask why a couple of teenagers were in lockup?

Big Jim came in and threatened everyone Barbie “loves” (again… it’s been 9 days).

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Barbie agreed, because he just loves Julia and those darn teens so much.

Dome Jr. started throwing a tantrum as Big Jim lead Barbie to the gathered crowd (LOL).

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Haha, I guess Barbie doesn’t really care about his “loved ones” after all! He plead not guilty. Wonder how the angry mob is going to take that.


“Curtains”

UGHGHUGHGHGHGHGUGHGHGHGHGUGHGHGHGUGHGHGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGHGUGH fine, let’s do this.

The episode began with jumps between Dome Jr. and the intimidation contests of Big Jim and Barbie. I can’t remember if I’ve pointed this out before, but a lot of Joe’s dialogue is simply stating what’s very, very obvious to everyone.

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That was an actual line of dialogue, you guys. Yes, Joe, we have functioning eyes and can put information together in our brains, just like you. I’m surprised the other characters on this show aren’t constantly slapping this kid upside the head.

Oh, and Junior was having some sort of crisis that amounted to nothing.

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Then the dome turned black and Linda insisted on touching Dome Jr. because… *sigh*.

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It zapped her, because that was the teen’s plan the whole time, because they would of course assume that if they implied THEY would touch it, Linda would want to touch it… and get zapped. (Just turn your brain off, Toni… shhhhhhhh now)

Julia was up and about because I guess gunshots to the chest aren’t REALLY that big of a deal. (This was the next day, right?) Her and Angie waltzed into the empty police station and freed Barbie easy peasy lemon squeezie.

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Phil and some rando showed up and Barbie kicked them a bunch. Angie also hit the rando over the head with a fire extinguisher. You guys, people do that a lot in movies and TV as an alternative to killing someone, but I strongly believe that blunt force trauma to the noggin could be potentially murderous. Please avoid this option in real life, is all I’m saying.

Then Joe gave Angie an uncrackable code over the radio to meet them in the cement mines. Dome Jr. crumbled to ashes (and Joe said “it opened up”, in case we didn’t see), and the butterfly toppled out, seemingly deceased.

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But wipe those tears, you guys, because Norrie touched it and it came back to life, fluttered around a bit, then hovered by Barbie. He’s the monarch! Oh… no wait, now it’s hovering by Julia. She’s the monarch!

It’s amazing to me that no one in the room thought to say “maybe it’s just a frickin butterfly and where it hovers means nothing”. But nope! It was SUPER meaningful.

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Oh, and all the extras were gathering at the church because they all thought they were going to die. Fair enough! Big “Rousing Speech” Jim gave a (you guessed it) rousing speech. Then in an absurd scene, he asked Phil to build GALLOWS. Soooooooo many things ran through my mind:

1) Why Phil? What qualifications does being a DJ give him to construct a medieval form of capital punishment?

2) Why a HANGING? There are a million different ways to kill a prisoner that are a lot faster and a lot less work.

3) So Barbie’s “not guilty” plea was virtually meaningless? Does he not get a trial? Is everyone okay with that?

UGH. Moving on. Linda was searching the barn and found “the pink stars are falling in lines” painted on the wood, because I guess the teens thought they may forget. Big Jim was all, “my bat shit crazy wife used to say that!” (paraphrasing)

Junior once again changed sides and demanded Julia give him the egg.

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Julia did a forward pass to Angie, who scampered off and Barbie once again sacrificed his freedom for Teen Dome Force + Julia.

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The dome manifested itself as Samantha Mathis and I WILL TAKE IT. She said “they” sent the dome to protect Dome Creek, and to get rid of the black ink on the dome, they have to “earn the light” and protect the egg. *blank stare* I am not making this up. That is what they made Samantha Mathis say.

If the egg needs protecting so bad, why didn’t “they” just keep it inside Dome Jr? (Shhhhh brain, shhhhh, go to sleep)

Big Jim got on the radio and told Julia that if she gave him the egg, he wouldn’t kill Barbie. Then Junior confronted him.

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Junior was 100% A-OKAY with the fact that his dad had murdered a bunch.

It came time to hang Barbie (eye roll) because Julia had decided to protect the egg.

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But then the egg gave Dome Town a light show!

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Did anyone else think Barbie looked extremely ready to die? Like, I think he was pretty okay with it, you know?

Anyway, then the dome turned white and Big Jim yelled “do it now” and that was our season finale.

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Did anyone else feel like the show was giving the audience the middle finger a little bit?

There were many, MANY things this show presented as a mystery and never addressed again. A few that come to mind are Norrie’s dad, what the dome did to that baby, why it made that one-episode-wonder go into labour, what the heck is the egg, how is Carter’s gunshot wound, etc. Does anyone believe ANY of these things will be addressed in the second season?

I think the biggest mystery about Under the Dome is how it got a second season. (Seriously, was there mind control involved?)

BUT IT DID! So let’s just abandon all logic and continue on this wacka-doo train of absurdity, shall we?

As I’ve mentioned, my quality test for shows is simple: do I want to know what happens next? Honestly, I’m just not sure. Let’s face a truth here folks - this show is bad. It’s really quite terrible. But you know what, I probably AM going to stick around for the second season, because I have a morbid curiosity and exactly zero other things to do.

I will likely NOT be doing photo recaps for the second season. I didn’t realize Tim’s reviews were photo recaps, so I don’t want to double up. But it’s been a slice! If Under the Dome miraculously gets a third season, I’ll be back to refresh your memories.

Later Gators!
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