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CBS (ended 2015)

Greetings! I have returned from my two-week dome-cation, during which I missed TWO episodes of Under the Dome. And a strange thing happened while I was away! The real world began to make sense. Memories of my childhood flooded back. The air smelled cleaner, the birds sounded happier, and the future seemed brighter. I was able to solve some complicated quadratic equations, and I even made progress the cold-fusion reactor I'm building in my basement. I cured cancer and AIDS, and totally whooped Bobby FIscher's ghost in chess. Life were great. 

But then I caught up on the two episodes of Under the Dome that I missed and spent three hours looking for my sunglasses when they were on my head the whole time. I started listening to Pitbull and liking it. I joined the Jim Belushi Fan Club. Such is the mind-numbing brain-squishing existence that is Dome Life. Like Barbie, Sam, and Lyle, I got out from under the Dome for a little while and experienced a whole new existence, but the Dome pulled me back in. Damn you, Dome! If you're reading this and you someday find a way to escape Under the Dome, even for a little bit, keep running and don't ever look back. Ever. I made the mistake of coming back.

Of course, Barbie, Sam, and Lyle couldn't quite grasp that simple concept, so "The Red Door" was all about them trying to get back under the Dome. Yes, BACK TO THE DOME! And in order to return, they needed to find a red door because nutso Pauline drew one years ago, so the episode was a fetch quest wrapped up with some mystical mumbo-jumbo and little else. It's pretty amazing that an episode featuring magical portals, vision quests, super-powered eggs, and private security forces was incredibly boring, but that's Under the Dome for ya. I know that the show's writers and producers are probably super excited about this Zenith arc, but you know what? I miss the good old days of caterpillar infestations and dust storms. That was some honest Domin'. All the stuff about red doors and portal-hopping is totally bleh. Stop trying so hard, Dome!

"The Red Door" opened with Barbie in the custody of some shady fellas who were so obviously working for his dad that even the show couldn't even keep it a secret for more than a few minutes. Barbie's intimate knowledge of the Geneva Conventions pegged them as goons from a private firm, and a quick chat between Daddy Barbara and one particularly dumb thug confirmed that they were indeed employees of Daddy's energy company. Congratulations to all 100 billion of you who correctly predicted that Daddy Barbara was part of the Dome-spiracy. Daddy wanted the egg, but why, other than the fact that it's a glowing, purply egg? Daddy referred to it as a "power source," so it's a power source, I guess. Just as we thought 10 episodes ago. Another Dome mystery revealed! 

Meanwhile, the original Junior Dome Squad—Lyle, Pauline, and Sam—were all like, "What's up with this prophetic drawing of a red door that Pauline drew?" Pauline solved the problem by digging into that art school brain of hers and informing us that Art Theory 101 says a "door symbolizes a way in somewhere." Yeah, so does basic vocabulary, dummy. Suspecting that the locker was a way out of the Dome, she and Lyle made the connection that the red door must be a way back in. And with that, the hunt for the red door was on, so the gang wasted a bunch of our time by visiting the playground where Sam, Barbie, and Lyle landed. There, they encountered two spooks who Lyle and Sam had to find a way to ditch and Pauline came across a red door!!! 


Well, it symbolized a way in... to a children's playhouse. You really had to be there to absorb all the tension, though, because for a second we were supposed to be all, "OMG a red door is that THE red door what does it symbolize will they get back in the Dome?" even though it wasn't the red door that Under the Dome made a point of showing us two weeks ago. So It was just a normal red door. There was this kid who jumped out of the playhouse and shouted, "No grown-ups!" and he was cool. And then the camera hung on him swinging to kill some time and remind her of taking Junior to the park when he was a kid. 


To summarize, the original Junior Dome Squad went to the playground for no reason other than to learn that they weren't allowed in the playhouse. Moving on!

Daddy Barbara wanted his hands on that egg so so badly, so he had Hunter the Hacker fix him up with some secret upload bandwidth, firewall mega-encryption services, and a streaming vlog attachment file so he could send a video message to Julia inside the Dome. But it was all chicanery! He told Julia that he needed the egg so that he could trade it for Barbie's freedom, which was a bold-faced lie marking the first time ever that something on the internet wasn't true. 

That put Julia in a big-dill of a pickle: Should she give a magical glowing purply egg-thing to her boyfriend's dad in exchange for her boyfriend's release, or does she keep that oval-shaped mystery trinket and let her babe rot in some Dome-free city? Julia struggles with this kind of decision whenever she checks her email, and she has 60 cases of low-cost Viagra, a work-from-home job that pays $77/hr, and plenty of sexy singles in her area ready to meet her to prove it. 

She also got to show off some cool Door Yoga (captions not necessary):

Melanie was like, "Hell nope we ain't giving Daddy Barbara that egg" because it's her egg-baby, basically. So she ran away and joined up with Junior, which set off my Melanior 'shipping alarm like crazy. Hold on, I'm getting ahead of myself here! Let me backtrack a bit.

It had been a few minutes since Junior had a change of heart about his dad, so he hung out with Big Jim with forgiveness on his mind. In the process of being a total idiot, he told his dad all the secrets he had, including the fact that the egg was back! So then Jim wanted the egg really badly, too. Everyone in this episode really wanted to get their mitts on an egg or a door. 

Big Jim finally decided to communicate with the outside world by writing messages on a notepad and showing them to the guards outside the Dome. Let's all take a moment to appreciate Dean Norris's awesome handwriting and his amazing egg drawing. 

And you know what happens whenever a TV character holds up a piece of paper with writing on it? That's right, MEME TIME! 

Make your own and post 'em in the comments! Here's your template:

Anyway, Big Jim found out that the egg was in Angie's old house because the military or whoever these people were had a powerful Egg Detector. 


But when Big Jim went to Angie's house, it was gone! That's because Junior had already taken it, and he and Melanie decided to become the new Keepers of the Egg because that's probably what the Dome wanted. I'm not totally sure what was going on here, to be honest. Junior decided to hide the egg from Big Jim by hiding it "right under his nose" in the bomb shelter. Melanie found the bomb shelter awfully cozy, and totally propositioned Junior for some hardcore spooning. Remember, this was the place where, just a few weeks ago, Junior held Angie captive in one of his sick psycho-sexual bondage games, and you could just see the pervert wheels turning in Junior's mind as he resisted every urge to chain Melanie up and slowly eat her flesh bite by bite. 


They cuddled on the bed and it was really creepy. Given her propensity for ending up in out-of-the-way places with creepy guys, it's no wonder Melanie has already died. What IS a wonder is that she hasn't died more often. 

Meanwhile, over at the big door hunt, Barbie escaped his capture by performing a picture-perfect Reverse Afghani Chainbreaker on his Daddy's security guard. Pauline met up with her hacker friend, and it was Hunter! Small town, this Zenith place is. Pauline, Hunter, and some random, dopey-looking dude were behind HoundsofDiana.com, the one-stop shop for Dome-spiricists to shed light on what the government doesn't want you to know about the Dome. Have you Googled "Hounds of Diana" yet? It's a totally top-secret website full of riddles and mysteries! 2 Broke GirlsCriminal Minds... what do these clues mean!?!?


And what treasures are inside this website? A Joe vlog, of course.


Fascinating stuff. If you have a few hours to kill or you simply hate yourself, I recommend you spend some time on the site. #DomeTruth

Anyway, Barbie showed up at the Hounds of Diana clubhouse somehow and the Hounds of Diana decided to do some sort of Google Maps image search for all the doors in Zenith and then picked out all the red ones. It was a great peek into the future of door-identifying satellite software, but it was ultimately meaningless because Barbie recognized the door from Pauline's drawing: It was a door to the basement in his old house that we saw a couple weeks ago! Whoa, I guess. Using the dopey computer guy as a decoy, Barbie and the grown-up versions of the Junior Dome Squad (minus Melanie who died but came back to life in the bottom of a lake and is still young and totally egg-crazy) went through the red door and found a secret Dome tunnel that blew spirally smoke in their faces and made them trip balls back to some past memories. What the fuck is happening on this show, guys? 


Sam saw Young Junior, who wanted Sam to save him from his dad. Barbie flashed back to his childhood and Melanie was there because her mom wanted her to meet young Barbie while Daddy Barbara looked on. Should we just assume that Melanie is Daddy Barbara's kid from outside a marriage? Sure, why not. Pauline had a vision she was back at the egg landing spot and also saw Melanie, who said, "This is where it began and this is where it ends, for all of us." And then everyone—except Lyle, who is MIA again probably because Dwight Yoakam decided he was too cool for this shit—appeared in the lake back under the dome! Mission accomplished.  

Everyone decided to go their separate ways and "The Red Door" ended on this thrilling encounter:


I wasn't planning on being too interested in this reunion but the music indicated that I should be, so... wow! Mind blown!

That's it guys, I'm really glad to be back covering this show and I'm sorry I have no idea what's going on. Hopefully next week it rains really hard in Chester's Mill or some other meteorological micro-climate problem arises because this Zenith stuff is the pits. Bye!



ADDEN-DOMES


– A big thunderclap high-five to Jen and Kaitlin for suffering for me in my absence. I have spoken with both, and they are slowly regaining their cognitive functions. Kaitlin can still only communicate with "ooohs" and "ahhhhs" and is currently in the middle of an According to Jim marathon, but Jen is further along and can almost tie her shoes. 

– The best part of this episode was when Sam yelled at Pauline after she asked whether he killed Angie. His response: "Your journal made it seem like those kids were somehow making it happen!" And then he forgot Junior's name and had to think about it for just long enough to make it obvious that he couldn't even remember who the fourth kid was. Haha, so good. 


– Big Jim to Rebecca the Science Teacher: "Build an Egg Detector or something."

– What the hell is Lyle's purpose on this show? He looks so disinterested in every single scene he's in. I don't blame him.

– Hunter said he didn't have a vision when tunnel-porting into Chester's Mill. Bull crap, dude! I don't trust you one bit, you mole! 


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 9/10/2015

Season 3 : Episode 13

221 Comments
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Ah i like hunter
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The lack of science knowledge of the writers somewhat ruins the show.
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This episode confused me. When did Angie get a house? I mean, I am sure she was living somewhere, but was it ever established where? Why would she let Big Jim know where she was living? Also, notice that the egg detector the security guy has says "thermal readout", with the town blue and the egg a giant, house sized spot of red. So the egg is a massive heat source? Why are characters able to be around it, even hold it, without being burned or getting mildly sweaty?
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It's her parents' house. Where she and Joe were living. Their parents are alive, just outside the dome (I think).

It's where Junior caught up with her in season 1, when she smashed that snow globe on his head.
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The first episode ever, she and Junior were in her apartment. The writers just remembered she had an apartment (as did the rest of us). So it's her apartment, not a house. Her parents' house was the one that blew up during "Magne-Dome." Which is why the kids and Norrie's othermom who has mastered the art of sporadic invisibility moved in with Big Jim. Which begs the question of why they wouldn't have gone to Angie's apartment to begin with, instead of to Big Jim's who they all hate. Domelogic!
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As a real scientist (I kind of am one) I believe the correct name for the device we almost got to see the science teacher build is an 'magneto-ovo proximeter' or 'MOP' for short. Would have been great if she built it out of a real mop, with wires and such. Still, there's next week for this to happen.
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Communicating through notepads?... Add white dress code and chain-smoking. I suspect someone inside the dome still got HBO


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you guys aren't doing it properly your supposed to write on it like a notepad not use the text feature in photoshop!
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I like to believe that Big Jim's only quality is outrageous calligraphy skills. I know, i'm a fool.. Thank you for noticing, i all ready feel like a better person ;)
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So now they know how to get out and how to get back in...why not throw everybody in town over the edge and be done with it...??
This series is not making any sense...

Did anybody notice the begin theme...first they were saying in the begin of season two..... 'two weeks ago, the dome came down and bla bla bla bla...
now they are saying...."weeks ago the dome came down and bla bla bla..


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I have to disagree, would you have the stone balls jump off a cliff with no end
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you can tell how bad this show is, and how much they don't care about it...did anyone notice this exchange between Lyle and Pauline (after they met back up after the playground)...Lyle - "Red door lead anywhere?", Pauline - "Playground may be the way in but it is definitely not the way out"....lol what? playground is the way out not the way in....if it was the way in, then they'd be using the playground....this show man lol....it's so bad i can't stop watching
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i think she was saying Playground is the way IN to that town, but not the way OUT of that town.
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what town? it's not the way in anywhere lol....it's the way out, that's where they got out
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we were both wrong... can't wait for season 2....
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I sense love for this idiotic mess is waning. Many people--including myself--have kicked, and I'm betting there are many more on the horizon. Sorry Tim, you shouldn't have let your personal life interfere with the Dome. Don't you have a laptop? Surely you could have avoided this. "STOP MAKING STUPID PEOPLE FAMOUS." Acting is only as good as the writing, and I don't really think Rachel Levevre or Dean Norris are idiots--just a litlle slow on the uptake--don't they have agents?
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Oh, and I'm sorry I butchered your name Rachel--I think it's for the best, don't you?
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Don't they have mothers?
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Ok well I have 2 comments

1. Did anyone else really really! want Jim to have a big fluffy white cat when I span round on that chair!

2. I do believe Tim is secretly an under the dome writer and has stumbled across the equation for perfect humor!

Shocking TV show + angry review = funniest comedy ever written!
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Big Jim's Blofeld chair spin totally needed a white cat to complete the reference (though that would've been over the top, even for UtD). I have to think the Dome writers are just having fun now.
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Welcome back, Tim! Jen and Kaitlin filled in nicely, but no one can recap this mess as good as you. You've been with us from the start. Here's my reaction to whatever the Dome throws at me:
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there was a funny moment too , when the kid opened the red door on the playground , he had joe's drone in his hands , it's so rare to see continuity on this show , that a little detail like that is good
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Tim, great to have you back. I've missed my weekly laugh for the past two weeks. The Dome hasn't been as fun to watch without you.
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Thanks a lot, Tim! You made me spit my coffee all over the keyboard. The bill for that is in the mail. Your articles should start with WARNING! MAY CONTAIN HUMOUR!

There was some great (read "ridiculous") dialogue in this episode too. Like when they were talking about Barbie's e-mails:

Joe: He might send another e-mail.
Julia: Doubt they'll let him.
(Literally 12 seconds later...)
Julia: Let's get back to the school on the off chance he does get another e-mail through.

Indecisive much, Julia? And the hunt for the red door on the playground was also hilarious. Why would they think the dome would put an entrance door in the middle of a busy playground? Kids would start disappearing pretty quickly and reappearing inside the dome.
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Had to do this... hahaha
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I thought of this during this scene.


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Smoke monster with vision/memory giving properties.....check
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I think Jim should write „Save Stoner Ben!!!!“

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yeah this was hilarious

Big Jim to Rebecca the Science Teacher: "Build an Egg Detector or something."
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Best caption so far
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Ah, Big Jim; is there anything he can't achieve by advancing menacingly on someone? The "egg-detector" line was just fantastic, he seems to live in a world where tricorders are real. Bit of a shame our resident scientist school teacher couldn't come up with a batshit device for that though; I'd pay good money to see her and Jim spend the episode wandering around with a beep-booping Heath-Robinson contraption. Time to get back to some Dome standard perils, though, Zenith's boring; a frontal assault by talking cyborg Meercats maybe?
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thats what the wife & i said....OH NO, THE SMOKE MONSTER! hah
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Flashback to previous episodes &&&






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There's at least one more similarity I thought of. When Jack, Kate and Hurley returned to the Island, they found themselves in the lagoon. When Barbie and co. got back under the dome, they were in the lake.

My hope is that soon we'll hear Geronimo Jackson singing the famous hit "Dharma Lady"
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I would love to see that with Julia and Barbie... :)
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Yeah that one had me laughing hard. That is the easiest way to freak a guy out.
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Hehehehehe :)
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"Given her propensity for ending up in out-of-the-way places with creepy guys, it's no wonder Melanie has already died. What IS a wonder is that she hasn't died more often". Great stuff :) I also guess it was obvious we were supposed to draw the conclusion Melanie is Barbie's half sister.
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Great recap Tim, I was waiting for your recap, all the comments from everyone are funny, the show writers should use these comments for the show LOOOOL :)
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I stand corrected. Very good work Tim!!
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So the powers-that-be in DC and/or the military don't want any more bad press or blame after the MOAB and who knows what else, so they turned over authority to a private security firm with overreaching power to detain people indefinitely? It does sound like something government might do, not understanding that it doesn't absolve them of responsibility and will inevitably cause greater problems, but is that what' going on or just what Barbie Sr told his son?
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Big Jim asked to speak to the person in charge and this exodome dude we've never seen before and will probably never see again conversed with Big Jim and was able to come to an agreement. I want to know who this mysterious exodome dude is, who is apparently in charge. He'll be able to see what Junior is up to with Melanie in that shelter with his Rebecca the Science Teacher Patented Portable Egg Detector, that's for sure.

I am starting to enjoy how all the loose ends are really starting to get tied up and make sense as we move towards the climax of the season. Or maybe I am just a bit domed!
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So the stupid character reversal award goes too?! wait no body ? wow..

i suppose melanie could be nominated. suddenly she shacks up with jnr...hmmm
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Junior, of course! He flipped twice in one episode! skillz!
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Tim!!! You are back. (I'm soo Dome)



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Missed you Tim!

Can you imagine what a shock Person of Interest is going to be for our brains when this show ends?
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I'm starting to wonder if there is even an episode with Rebecca where the words "scientist" or "science" doesn't come up. How many times can you keep reminding the viewer that she's a 'scientist'. At least be creative and use synonyms so that your poor excuse for techno babble doesn't sound repetitive.
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Agreed. Makes me think the writers don't know what a scientist is or does, beyond being someone who can magically make swine flu from sick pigs. Have we seen her perform an experiment once in this episode? Has she ever proposed a testable hypothesis about anything? Seems like she exists only to make crap or solve technical problems in absurd ways. She's the Dome version of Seven of Nine.
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Well they can't very well use "actress" (ifyouknowwhatimsaying)!
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Sorry couldn't come up with something better :-D

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Good one but reminds me too much of the glut of Risperdal lawsuit ads on TV right now.
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Man Domes!
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yeah, 10 minutes after my post i though of that too :-D
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That is because it is impossible to come up with something better. Internet done everyone go home.
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HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
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Ha Ha LOOOOOOOOOOOOL
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Did anyone else catch that BIg Jim told Junior he saw Bartman alive outside the dome? Is that where he has been hiding since the 2003 NLCS. Or did Big Jim see a guard watching the Every Simpsons Ever marathon?
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Random thoughts -
why exactly are the goofballs in CM so unwilling to give up the Tesseract (Egg)? It's caused multiple deaths, numerous natural disasters, plagues of some form or another, and yet..'NOO! you cant have it! It Loves us...cept when it kills some of us.' Even by Dome standards its mind boggling.
And why on Earth is Pauline teaching an art class? All her paintings look like an 8 year old's work.
Are we supposed to believe that Barbie is only about 10 years younger than Lyle? Looks like at least a 25-30 year age difference to me.
That whole scene where Pauline n Co look for the red door in the playground was preposterous. Two thugs spot all three of them, then slowly follow two of them in the most conspicuous way possible, leaving the 3rd alone at the place they are supposed to be watching? huh?
The funniest line for me was when the hood was removed from Barbie's head, and he calmy asks the the Gomer Pyle goon "where am I?", and the guy says "Hey calm down!" hahaha. doesnt someone have to be the least bit excited to need to be told to calm down? lol watevs. its under the dome....except when its not.
More+
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Way to insult 8 year olds! ;D
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The part at the playground where the 2 goons went after Lyle and Sam...I thought the same thing! They sit there for God knows how long, waiting for them or Barbie to show up...and when hey do, they just take off, leaving Pauline free to continue. Derrrr...rrr..p..
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Meth has aged Lyle tremendously quicker than Barbie...only possible explanation. lol.
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If Barbie's father was smart (if!), than he would have planted the geek as a spy. He would have set up everything, geek meeting Barbie, telling Barbie about the mail, getting Barbie to trust geek - so Barbie tells geek everything. Now, beeing under the dome, geek can work for father, telling him everything he needs to know and trying to bring the egg to him.
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Which is no doubt what will happen!
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did you just say that a character on this show may actually be smart!!!
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I am free. Didn't watch it last night and have no plans to. Freedom!
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Nooooo... Don't leave us.... We domers have to stick together.
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No way, I broke out and I am not going back.
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Just take it one week at a time. And delete any episodes on DVR. If you feel yourself wanting to dome, call/text your sponser or slam your head in a door (its faster).
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FYI, I'm not a 'recovering alcoholic'. I just picked up a ton of the culture from reading Stephen King's 'Doctor Sleep'. Wonder how he'd desecrate that book to get into a TV show?
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I've been free since episode 2 of this season & life has never been so sweet!!
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I'm off it too, and it feels so good. I just come here to seek others like me. Good job Mate.
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True wonders of the Dome, getting email with flash player.
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Zoom in and enhance please!
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Did not notice that, thanks for mentioning. So funny.

Another thing... either his tablets time sync is messed up or the sun is shining at 1:25 AM in Chester's Mill.
And then he gets a mail with 3:15 pm... almost 14 hours ahead? Maybe Barbie's dad is the nigerian prince (different time zone).

I am also wondering, why don't they just write the mails and use the send when signal available option? Since the WiFi signal works in both directions, they should be able to send lots of mails to the outside. Like telling someone they're ok. Obviously people from outside are caring for them (prayer group etc.).

Joe so wants to tell his parents what has happened and seems such a computer expert, always having his tablet up and ready as if he would knew a signal is coming. But he does not even try to send a mail? Duh!?!
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you are expecting too much.. this is under the dome after all..
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I've not watched this show since the beginning of the season but if wifi is working why haven't they video called?

Did if they give an explanation?
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Isn't this Outlook?
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no it is a screen grab of outlook played in flash player
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This episode was more entertaining than the Emmys. That may not be saying much......but......When they aren't dealing with the idiots in Chesters Mill, this show isn't AS horrible. Julia is still bothersome though. Favorite part was Jim Rennie in the sheriff's office hands folded behind the desk - Dean Norris could be the new Bond 'Blofeld'.
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Big Jim Spinning around in the chair is the finest GIF Tim has ever made. All Jim needs to complete the act is a white cat to stroke.
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