United States of Tara

(after Gimme caused chaos in the spa) Charmaine: T, look, I know you don't like me, but we're gonna have to put up with each other for a little bit, okay? That was really scary back there. T, you're gonna have to just leave Tara alone for a little while. T: Why don't I leave you alone? (hops away)

Max: Why don't you go out to the shed and chill out for a bit? T: 'Cause I'm already chill. I'm the chill-chill-chillingest.

Max: (talking about Tara's new alter, Gimme) It's not an animal. It's like a... primitive side of her. Preverbal. No social skills. Kind of alter that defaces murals and pees in people's beds. Marshall: I knew I didn't wet the bed. Kate: Oh my God. Marshall: That is such a relief. And yet not at all.

Charmaine: Tara thinks she's a rottweiler or something. Congratulations, Marshall. You finally got the dog you always wanted.

Tara: (in front of her camera) Tattoos really hurt. Don't let anyone tell you they don't. But I don't regret it because it will always remind me of Kate. And it didn't hurt nearly as much as pushing all 8 pounds, 7 ounces of her through my birth canal.

Tara: Wait, so... you're breaking up with me? Dr. Ocean: Technically, it's a termination. Tara: Oh god, that's even worse. You're just giving up on me.

(Petula and Marshall talk about the kiss he and Jason shared) Petula: So a kiss like From Here to Eternity? Marshall: More like A Place in the Sun. Petula: Marshall! Marshall: I know. Look, he's coming. Just... just act natural. (Jason walks by and ignores Marshall) Petula: Well, that wasn't very Montgomery Clift of him. Marshall: Maybe he didn't see me. Petula: Yeah, and maybe he's secretly blind, like he lost his eyesight to childhood fevers, but he developed sonar like a bat.

Max: How'd it go with Ocean? Tara: Oceanic. Max: Oceanic? What does that mean? Tara: Well, it was interesting. She thinks I'm making real progress, but she also wants to terminate our therapy in a month.

Charmaine: (to Tara) Look, if all the people who spent all their time and money at therapy each week just took a spa day instead, the world would be a much saner place.