United States of Tara Season 1 Episode 11

Gloria: The food-service industry is a hotbed of sexual impropriety. It's basically institutionalized. That's why people work at restaurants. It's not uncommon for young waitresses to develop feelings for their manager. It's okay if you blew him. Did you blow him?
Kate: No. I didn't.

Charmaine: Guess what I did. I didn't sleep with him. I didn't let him sleep over, and... perhaps extended this lovely thing yet another day by continuing to treat myself like a special prize he has to win.
Kate: Oh, really? So was it you or that special prize that was having a screaming orgasm at 1:30 in the morning?

Gene: I have friends all over Barnabeez. That means when there's something squirrelly scooting up the flagpole, I get a call.
Kate: I think you get a call because you can't keep your penis out of the face of every girl who works for you.
Gene: Penis is not an acceptable word for the workplace.

Tara: (in front of her camera) Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is ask for help. We need a bigger fucking boat.

Max: Nobody's acting, Marsh, especially not your mom.
Marshall: Right, because she's insane. I mean, we're living so far off the map, it's like early John Waters or something, before Divine was even adorable.

(after Marshall set T's shed on fire)
Max: Tell me that you know that was wrong, right? There are other ways to express yourself.
Marshall: Dad, please don't send me to military school.
Max: It's worse than that, pal. You're going to regular-ass-school.

Tara: I don't remember what happened at boarding school, but I do have vivid memories of a few weeks afterwards. It was a month until summer break, and I couldn't wait to get out. I'm such a total summer person. And I remember I wore my bathing suit under my clothes every day. And while everybody was going to class and going on with their lives, I just sat in my dorm window, waiting for summer to come.
Jenny: Did it?
Tara: The next thing I remember is snow. Everywhere. I was at my parents', and six months had gone by in an instant and it was just white.
Dr. Holden: What did you think of the snow?
Tara: It was... I mean, not what I expected. But it was beautiful.

Jason: I don't even know what to say. I am so sorry.
Marshall: It's not your fault. I mean, my mom's a total freak show. She's actually at a hospital for the criminally insane now.
Jason: She is? Wow. I didn't even know they had hospitals for the criminally insane anymore.
Marshall: There's like one. It's outside of Chicago.

Tara: Yeah, well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not having much luck bringing any of my alters out.
Max: I thought this guy was the shit. And at home, we can't get them to stay in.