United States of Tara Season 3 Episode 7

Tara: Oh, how's your film going?
Marshall: In my head, it's unique, nuanced, but when it comes out, it's like... A frog doing somersaults on a field, and you can't see the frog 'cause he's too green and you can't hear him 'cause the grass is too soft.

Max: Dudes! I got a lot to be cheerful about. I got a red-hot sexy mama in my kitchen making me a chow-down, a couple of clicks away from my 30th birthday party. Huh? My job uses negative 5% of my brain. And I recently rediscovered Chastity Stargazer.
Charmaine: Who?
Max: My vintage Fender Stratocaster electric guitar.

Dr. Hattaras: Your essay on schizophrenia was abysmal. But maybe you missed that lecture when you were drving your car into your pregnant sister.

Evan: Point -- Evan just got out of a rocky marriage. Point -- Evan has a child. Point -- Evan lives a trillion miles away. Point -- Evan has crabs. Evan doesn't have crabs. That... man, that killed in my head.
Kate: "Pubic lice" are funnier. Sorry about the wife. Good luck with the kid.

Charmaine: Bean curd? What are we making?
Tara: Miso tofu tacos with ginger cilantro dressing. We're "maxicasion" tonight.

Charmaine: "Breath of my soul"?
Max: Yeah, it's like "Peter Gabriel meets Sting."
Charmaine: Must they meet?

Tara: How goes it in there?
Max: Like exhuming a corpse. Amps are buzzing, my song's terrible, Ted won't quit messing around. (Ted is heard screaming in the other room) I just put myself on suicide watch.