Male Reporter: Silky has only one bullet left, Amanda. He better use it soon or Youngblood's gonna score eight points on the game's first at bat.
Female Reporter: Forget about the game, Doug! You are a horrible human being! God, somebody do something! Stop this! Help!
Male Reporter: Silky covers home, but- what's this? It's a mummy from left field!
(Mummy tackles Silky Slim as Youngblood touches home)
Male Reporter: And that's the game!
Duke Thompson: A miss means we take away one million dollars from the existing cancer research fund.
Female Reporter: Doug, I'm here with Duke Thompson, creator of Power Marketing, owner of the Decatur Fist, and the man responsible for bringing Thunderball into the mainstream. Duke, what's the secret to your success?
Duke Thompson: Well, Amanda, I brought my new brain to Thunderball and I thought "What puts people in the seats?" Giving away something free. So, my first promotion we had free fuel and fertilizer night. Turns out though that fuel mixed with fertilizer creates homemade explosives. But, Duke lives and Duke learns. No freebies that can cause harm. So then we had free marshmallow night, because kids love marshmallows. But unfortunately some of the adults starting igniting them and lofting them on the field.
Thunderball player: It's somethin' beautiful ugly!
Duke Thompson: Well tonight, Amanda, we got a surefire winner: free sock and orange night. What could people do with free socks and oran- excuse me.
(crowd is beating each other up by putting the oranges in the socks)
Fisty (mascot): Oh yeah, hey, come on in, come on in. What's it like being a Thunderball mascot? Well let me tell ya, I love getting the fans jazzed for a good Thunderball match. (hits table and knocks lamp off) Son of a! But, of course, nobody, ya know, actually knows (hits another table) actually knows who I am. All Thunderball mascots are in the witness protection program. So we gotta (injures himself again) we gotta wear our character costumes at all times. (opens fridge) So, ya know, it can be difficult to go out, play cards, what have ya. Excuse me, I'm partched if you don't mind. (drinks bleach) AAHH! What the?! You frickin' assjacks! Why didn't you tell me what I was doing, huh?! I've killed 18 people and I'll kill you!
Therapist: Somebody is still leaving half-empty beers in the infield.
Junkie Cheerleader: If you're gonna open it, finish it!
Therapist: Okay, now, you know that's not my point, Robin.
Thunderball Dog Trainer: Thunderball has given these dogs a chance to really - (sigh) - I'm lonely.
Decatur Fist Coach: Now we're gonna start out with some fundamentals today. Want everybody pick up a baseball and learn how to spin it on your butt, on your head if you're bald.
Steve Youngblood: How's that supposed to help us play Thunderball!?
Decatur Fist Coach: Maybe, son, if you can learn how to spin the ball on your butt then you can learn how to throw the ball with your butt too.
Tatum "Truck" Eddins: I don't even wanna talk about it. All I'm gonna say is I haven't cried since my momma's funeral, and Silky Slim made me cry. And I would, ya know, if you don't mind, edit that out, I just don't kinda wanna go there, know what I'm sayin.
Steve Youngblood: This town doesn't have a senior citizen's bus so I volunteered my services. We're at the end of a three mile round trip to the supermarket.
Old Woman: I told you, I have no need for a supermarket.
Steve Youngblood: These old people would die without me.
Male Reporter: A definite crime against all that is good. But also a savee defensive play by Silky Slim
Redneck: In the history of Thunderball the gun circle has never been violated. 'Course i can imagine a few instances where a player might be allowed to use the Thunderball gun. Like if a deer wandered on to the infield, or if one of the hounds has suddenly gone rabid or if one of those honeys had ended up being a she-male thus surprising a prideful rookie. Then you'd been able to use Thunderball gun. Hell I've always said It is better to have a gun in the outfield than under a mattress where a child could get to it.
Decatur Fist Coach: Now players, I'll be the first to admit that I've never coached a real sport before! But I have successfully animated over forty episodes of the "Cartoon Adventures of the Harlem Globetrotters" so i know good ball.
Female Presenter: What is Thunderball? Three balls in play at all times. Batters fighting their way around the bases, using their bats as a weapon. Wild hounds and gourgous honeys wandering the field to distract the players. A car that roams the infield, protecting some and flattening others. And just behind second base, The Gun Circle, inside of which lies a fully loaded pistol that the players are forbidden to use. The rules: simple. The game: phenominal.