V

Season 2 Episode 10

Mother's Day

5
Aired Tuesday 9:00 PM Mar 15, 2011 on ABC
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  • "V: Mother's Day" in Five Minutes: Joy to the world! It's over.

    4.0

    Erica: GAH! I dreamed Anna shot me! What a nightm--
    Hobbes: Lie back down in my arms, dearie.
    Erica: Okay, THIS is worse.


    Anna: It's mating season!
    Marcus: Ew.
    Anna: Tyler will father the next V generation!
    Marcus: Double-ew.
    Freaky Amy: Mommy, I'm scared for you!
    Anna: No worries, punkin! Mommy is barren, so I won't mate at all!
    Marcus: May I PLEASE be dismissed?


    Diana-gram: It's coup time. Now-ish.
    Erica: Is everyone on board with this?
    Chad, Jack, Hobbes: Present.
    Erica: Great. And Ryan, we need you up on the ship.
    Ryan: *groan* I KNEW that "more-valuable-on-the-ground" business was bulls**t. Every other week: ship, ground, ship, ground ...
    Jack: At least you're relevant.
    Ryan: Yeah, as the only black ping-pong ball in existence, I'm unique.


    Lisa: Mmm, that coffin-ride was so luxuriously foreshadow-y.
    Erica: Shoot your mom.
    Lisa: Uh ... okay, I guess.


    Chad: Breaking news: Anna's daughter is in mortal peril!
    Fifth Column Kidnap Video: See?
    Anna: I will go to her rescue, just like they demand.
    Thomas: My turtleneck is tingling; that's a bad sign.


    Anna: OMG! Erica, you're still in the FBI?!
    Agent Chris: Yeah, I thought that was kinda bulls**t myself.
    Erica: I swear to you, Anna, your safety is my top concern.
    Anna: Why are your fingers crossed?
    Erica: No reason.


    Joshua: Hail-and-welcome to the V walking openly on the very ship which, not two weeks ago, was on lockdown because we were ALL looking for you!
    Ryan: Oh, stop! I'm blushing avocado-green under this human skin!


    Anna: Why, Jack! I'm shocked! You actually have something to do!
    Jack: Yeah, it's a big day for me. Here are the kidnappers' written demands.
    Tracker-V: [SNIFF SNIFF] Ruff!
    Anna: Thanks, Jack. And now, your relevance plunges back to zero.
    Jack: 'sokay. I've got God on my side.
    Anna: I hope to meet this God of yours.
    Jack: We're totally working on that.


    Agent Chris: Fifth Column bugged out, leaving your daughter alone in there.
    Anna: That would sound suspicious, if Fifth Column didn't have a rich history of failure. [PODIUM] Ahem. Motherhood. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. That is all.
    Crowd: Wooo!


    Hobbes: Okay, Lisa, here's the gun. Your mom's coming, so I'll scatter. Bye!
    Anna: Hi, Lisa. If I tell you exactly what you want to hear, will you agree not to shoot me?
    Lisa: Deal.


    Chad: ... and now mother and daughter have emerged unharmed! Which should surprise no one.
    Erica: [PHONE] Hello, Diana? Anna's alive. Don't do the coup.
    Diana: Oh, I didn't put on this sumptuous, new gown to go skulk in the dungeon. [CLICK]
    Erica: Lisa, you totally screwed up!
    Lisa: But Anna's full of peace and love now! I saw it in her eyes!
    Erica: You mean her FAKE human-eye overlays?! Really! When you joined Fifth Column, I never dreamed you'd become as stupid as we are!


    V's: Oooo, Diana looks fabulous!
    Diana: Hello, sweeties! Peace and love will rule our people forev--
    Anna's Tail: [SHANK]
    Diana: *Erk!*
    Anna: See, Lisa? I'm cooler than you could ever be! Take her to the dungeon! The rest of you, kneel before my awesome villainy!
    Joshua: Ryan, you're more valuable on the ground now.
    Ryan: *groan* That phrase has been thrown at me so many times, it's lost all meaning.


    Ryan: Hi, Freaky Amy. Let's get out of here.
    Freaky Amy's Tail: [STRANGLE]
    Ryan: *Gak!* I die ... as I lived ... pointlessly. *Urrgh!*


    Erica: [PHONE] Tyler, here's everything on the V's, which I could have told you from the first episode. You're in mortal danger!
    Tyler: Wowee! I'm gonna go verify that with my alien girlfriend! [CLICK]
    Erica: WHAT?! How could he BE that stupid?! He's not even in Fifth Column!


    Agent Chris: Well, we caught Erica on surveillance telling that she's Fifth Column.
    FBI Chief: 'cause seeing her LITERALLY in bed with Hobbes wasn't proof enough.
    Agent Chris: So, we won't have to watch surveillance video of Erica and Hobbes getting frisky anymore.
    FBI Chief: That reminds me: I have a handkerchief for you to wash.


    Anna: Behold, my queen-egg-blob has hatched! Turn her into ... Lisa's evil twin!
    Joshua: "Dynasty" with spaceships; that's all this is anymore.


    Erica: Hi, gang. What's our status?
    Chad: Hobbes ghosted on us, your stupid kid is in enemy clutches, and Ryan is dead.
    Jack: It's the long, dark night of the soul here in the Honeycomb Hideout.
    Erica: Oh, Jack! You should have been our role model from the start!
    Jack: Oh, no! She's entering the final, debilitating stages of phythkolimitis! The stupidity is sucking her in!


    Marcus: My queen, I did half-kinda-sorta betray you.
    Anna: I'm cool with that. By the way, I un-scrambled the voice in that Fifth Column kidnap video; it's Chad Decker.
    Marcus: Gosh, that simple procedure might've been useful the moment we got that video.
    Joshua: My queen, meet your new daughter.
    Evil Lisa: I am ready to serve you, Mother ... aaaaand Satan!


    Evil Lisa: Hi, doughboy. Inseminate me immediately.
    Tyler: Isn't that a little freaky?
    Evil Lisa: Hardly. The rumors about us being lizards under human skin are exaggerated.
    Tyler: No, I meant losing our virginity in front of floor-to-ceiling windows.
    Evil Lisa: Oh, piffle. It's not like we're having web-cam sex!


    Anna: Watch, Lisa! Web-cam sex from the comfort of your dungeon!
    Lisa: *sob!* *despair!*
    Evil Lisa: [CHOMP]
    Audience: About f***ing time.


    Erica: I've been kidnapped!
    Lars: By me. I'm Lars. You might remember me from 1983.
    Erica: And this command center ... it's straight out of "WarGames"!
    Lars: Also from 1983!
    Agent Chris, FBI Chief: Cool, huh?
    Lars: Project Aries has been working tirelessly against the V's. Since 1983!
    Erica: What have you accomplished?
    Lars: Uh ... well, nothing. But we don't have all the screw-ups that Fifth Column does, either!
    Erica: Don't you know the Fifth Column motto? "If you're not failing, you're not trying!"


    Marcus: We just nabbed Chad Decker.
    Anna: Later. I'll do my global-bliss-yoga first. ARRRGH! ARRRGH! ARRRGH! NOT WORKING!
    Freaky Amy: Let me show you how it's done, Mommy. Mmmmm ...
    Globe: Ahhh!


    Erica: Wha--?! People, snap out of it! Ignore those glittery disco balls in the heavens! ... JACK?! You too?!
    Jack: Ahhh ... so pure ... the purity ... such ... pure ... bulls**t.


    FIN DU FIN

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