Erica: GAH! I dreamed Anna shot me! What a nightm--
Hobbes: Lie back down in my arms, dearie.
Erica: Okay, THIS is worse.
Anna: It's mating season!
Anna: Tyler will father the next V generation!
Freaky Amy: Mommy, I'm scared for you!
Anna: No worries, punkin! Mommy is barren, so I won't mate at all!
Marcus: May I PLEASE be dismissed?
Diana-gram: It's coup time. Now-ish.
Erica: Is everyone on board with this?
Chad, Jack, Hobbes: Present.
Erica: Great. And Ryan, we need you up on the ship.
Ryan: *groan* I KNEW that "more-valuable-on-the-ground" business was bulls**t. Every other week: ship, ground, ship, ground ...
Jack: At least you're relevant.
Ryan: Yeah, as the only black ping-pong ball in existence, I'm unique.
Lisa: Mmm, that coffin-ride was so luxuriously foreshadow-y.
Erica: Shoot your mom.
Lisa: Uh ... okay, I guess.
Chad: Breaking news: Anna's daughter is in mortal peril!
Fifth Column Kidnap Video: See?
Anna: I will go to her rescue, just like they demand.
Thomas: My turtleneck is tingling; that's a bad sign.
Anna: OMG! Erica, you're still in the FBI?!
Agent Chris: Yeah, I thought that was kinda bulls**t myself.
Erica: I swear to you, Anna, your safety is my top concern.
Anna: Why are your fingers crossed?
Erica: No reason.
Joshua: Hail-and-welcome to the V walking openly on the very ship which, not two weeks ago, was on lockdown because we were ALL looking for you!
Ryan: Oh, stop! I'm blushing avocado-green under this human skin!
Anna: Why, Jack! I'm shocked! You actually have something to do!
Jack: Yeah, it's a big day for me. Here are the kidnappers' written demands.
Tracker-V: [SNIFF SNIFF] Ruff!
Anna: Thanks, Jack. And now, your relevance plunges back to zero.
Jack: 'sokay. I've got God on my side.
Anna: I hope to meet this God of yours.
Jack: We're totally working on that.
Agent Chris: Fifth Column bugged out, leaving your daughter alone in there.
Anna: That would sound suspicious, if Fifth Column didn't have a rich history of failure. [PODIUM] Ahem. Motherhood. Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet. That is all.
Hobbes: Okay, Lisa, here's the gun. Your mom's coming, so I'll scatter. Bye!
Anna: Hi, Lisa. If I tell you exactly what you want to hear, will you agree not to shoot me?
Chad: ... and now mother and daughter have emerged unharmed! Which should surprise no one.
Erica: [PHONE] Hello, Diana? Anna's alive. Don't do the coup.
Diana: Oh, I didn't put on this sumptuous, new gown to go skulk in the dungeon. [CLICK]
Erica: Lisa, you totally screwed up!
Lisa: But Anna's full of peace and love now! I saw it in her eyes!
Erica: You mean her FAKE human-eye overlays?! Really! When you joined Fifth Column, I never dreamed you'd become as stupid as we are!
V's: Oooo, Diana looks fabulous!
Diana: Hello, sweeties! Peace and love will rule our people forev--
Anna's Tail: [SHANK]
Anna: See, Lisa? I'm cooler than you could ever be! Take her to the dungeon! The rest of you, kneel before my awesome villainy!
Joshua: Ryan, you're more valuable on the ground now.
Ryan: *groan* That phrase has been thrown at me so many times, it's lost all meaning.
Ryan: Hi, Freaky Amy. Let's get out of here.
Freaky Amy's Tail: [STRANGLE]
Ryan: *Gak!* I die ... as I lived ... pointlessly. *Urrgh!*
Erica: [PHONE] Tyler, here's everything on the V's, which I could have told you from the first episode. You're in mortal danger!
Tyler: Wowee! I'm gonna go verify that with my alien girlfriend! [CLICK]
Erica: WHAT?! How could he BE that stupid?! He's not even in Fifth Column!
Agent Chris: Well, we caught Erica on surveillance telling that she's Fifth Column.
FBI Chief: 'cause seeing her LITERALLY in bed with Hobbes wasn't proof enough.
Agent Chris: So, we won't have to watch surveillance video of Erica and Hobbes getting frisky anymore.
FBI Chief: That reminds me: I have a handkerchief for you to wash.
Anna: Behold, my queen-egg-blob has hatched! Turn her into ... Lisa's evil twin!
Joshua: "Dynasty" with spaceships; that's all this is anymore.
Erica: Hi, gang. What's our status?
Chad: Hobbes ghosted on us, your stupid kid is in enemy clutches, and Ryan is dead.
Jack: It's the long, dark night of the soul here in the Honeycomb Hideout.
Erica: Oh, Jack! You should have been our role model from the start!
Jack: Oh, no! She's entering the final, debilitating stages of phythkolimitis! The stupidity is sucking her in!
Marcus: My queen, I did half-kinda-sorta betray you.
Anna: I'm cool with that. By the way, I un-scrambled the voice in that Fifth Column kidnap video; it's Chad Decker.
Marcus: Gosh, that simple procedure might've been useful the moment we got that video.
Joshua: My queen, meet your new daughter.
Evil Lisa: I am ready to serve you, Mother ... aaaaand Satan!
Evil Lisa: Hi, doughboy. Inseminate me immediately.
Tyler: Isn't that a little freaky?
Evil Lisa: Hardly. The rumors about us being lizards under human skin are exaggerated.
Tyler: No, I meant losing our virginity in front of floor-to-ceiling windows.
Evil Lisa: Oh, piffle. It's not like we're having web-cam sex!
Anna: Watch, Lisa! Web-cam sex from the comfort of your dungeon!
Lisa: *sob!* *despair!*
Evil Lisa: [CHOMP]
Audience: About f***ing time.
Erica: I've been kidnapped!
Lars: By me. I'm Lars. You might remember me from 1983.
Erica: And this command center ... it's straight out of "WarGames"!
Lars: Also from 1983!
Agent Chris, FBI Chief: Cool, huh?
Lars: Project Aries has been working tirelessly against the V's. Since 1983!
Erica: What have you accomplished?
Lars: Uh ... well, nothing. But we don't have all the screw-ups that Fifth Column does, either!
Erica: Don't you know the Fifth Column motto? "If you're not failing, you're not trying!"
Marcus: We just nabbed Chad Decker.
Anna: Later. I'll do my global-bliss-yoga first. ARRRGH! ARRRGH! ARRRGH! NOT WORKING!
Freaky Amy: Let me show you how it's done, Mommy. Mmmmm ...
Erica: Wha--?! People, snap out of it! Ignore those glittery disco balls in the heavens! ... JACK?! You too?!
Jack: Ahhh ... so pure ... the purity ... such ... pure ... bulls**t.
FIN DU FIN