Chad: Marcus got shot, so I call for civility.
Newshound Carrie: And I'm siding with the "climate of hate" crowd. So there.
Erica: We flubbed last week's assassination, and now we're all screwed.
Eli: Wanna take it out on Ryan?
Ryan: Hi, Anna. Let me guess: "Infiltrate Fifth Column, yada-yada."
Anna: Nah. Kill Eli.
Ryan: This mood swing of yours will seriously set back our infiltration effort, and hamper our plans.
Anna: I gotta be me.
Freak Baby: Yada-yada! *giggle!*
Old Priest: Here's a written order from the Vatican.
Jack: Laser printer?! They sent something from a laser printer?!
Old Priest: You're out. Surrender your badge and sidear-- er, your collar, I mean.
Jack: Really, it's THE VATICAN. I was expecting gold leaf and illuminations and sh*t.
Eli: Ooo, Ryan! You are SO captured!
Tracker-V: [sniff sniff sniff] SQUIRREL!
FBI: Good Tracker!
Erica: Ryan, dearie ... why did you betray us?!
Ryan: For reasons that don't make a damn bit of sense.
Erica: No! I ... I can't believe that!
Ryan: I can prove it by telling you that they tracked me here, and now you're all doomed!
Eli: He's right, Erica! It DID make no damn sense for him to reveal that!
Erica: Okay, the FBI's got us surrounded now. Don't hurt anyone, and beat me up.
Chad: ... And in conclusion, a hostage crisis is TV news catnip. I'm Chad Decker.
Agent Chris: Hey, there's Erica as a hostage!
FBI Chief: She's a known collaborator. Do you suspect she's playing us?
Agent Chris: No way. Look, she got punched in the face. That proves it.
Thomas: The day is only 1/3 over, and it's already exciting.
Anna: We'll use this situation to kill both of Tyler's parents, for Tyler is VITAL to our plans!
Thomas: Uh, just last week, you said Tyl--
Anna: VITAL! Lisa, go snag your boyfriend!
Tyler: Two-parents-again, tra-la-la, happy-happ--
TV: News Flash: Erica Evans is totally a hostage.
Erica: [phone] Hi, FBI. The terrorists' one demand is that the crisis be stretched out to 10:00 pm EST. [click] Eli, how's your preposterous escape plan coming along?
Thomas: Here's a 3D view of the hostage building.
FBI Chief: Nifty! Agent Chris, drop this important operation and go hand-hold Erica's estranged husband.
Agent Chris: Meh, I'll task it to Agent ... uh, what's your name again?
Agent V: Don't worry, I'm on it.
Agent V: Hi, Joe. I'm here to reassure you, but mainly to abandon these sensitive files. Bye!
Joe: Maps of the hostage building! Golly!
Eli: Our family photos rock, Erica.
Erica: I wish I could see Joe right now.
Joe: Hi-dee-ho, y'all!
Eli: Hey, you got in! Which means the way out is a trap!
Erica: Wow, we're smart all of a sudden!
Eli: Live it up, it won't last.
Tyler: I'm going to the hostage building, for some-reason-or-other.
Thomas: All the pieces are in place.
Anna: And now Hobbes, who's in cahoots with Marcus, will kill them all!
Thomas: Wow, I was wondering if that plot point would come up!
Erica: They're preparing to kill us.
Eli: Okay, I texted my bomb-vested sleepers, to un-focus the crisis.
Erica: What?! You suck! I hate you!
Eli: That's why you must lead the resistance after I'm dead.
Erica: Well, that's--!! Uh, that kinda makes sense. And it was moving, too.
Eli: Spooky sensations, eh?
Jack: [phone] Hi, Hobbes, am I still relevant?
Hobbes: Were you ever? [click]
Thomas: Hello, Hobbes, I'm the new Marcus. We've got your beloved. Here's a detonator, which I could push myself. Here's my turtleneck. That is all.
Agent Chris: Jack, you creep! I'm gonna smack you 'round, and then-- uh, why are you crying?
Jack: *sob!* You think-- you think I'm ... relevant! *sob!*
Erica: You screwed us over, Ryan. You die now.
Eli: B'bye, fake hostages.
Joe: Quick smooch before we go, Erica?
Erica: Just a quick one. After all, we've got the rest of our lives to--
Eli: Enough foreshadowing, you two! Skedaddle!
Thomas: My queen, half this season's effects budget is at your disposal.
Anna: Dispose away.
Erica: NO! Not a Boromir death!
Agent Chris: Such a moving family tableau means we have to cancel our investigation into Erica Evans.
FBI Chief: Obviously.
Anna: Hi, Mom. I destroyed Fifth Column, and now, I'm back to destroying ... the human soul!
Diana: Sweetie, the episode was going so well. Did you have to dredge up the S-word?
Anna: Bah! I'm outta here!
Lisa: And I'm in. *GASP!* Granny, in a dungeon, in a fabulous frock! What a Charlotte Bronte-esque plot twist!
Tyler: Mom, I demand a departure scene worthy of a Mexican telenovella!
Erica: *SOB!* Don't leave me now!! [SLAP]
Jack: Erica, I'm so--
Erica: Hush, you're irrelevant. I'm in charge of a global terrorist network now, and I'm going to kick ass!
Jack, Chad, Hobbes: Cooool!