Vampire Bats

Sunday 9:00 PM on CBS Premiered Oct 30, 2005 Between Seasons


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  • IT'S FEEDING TIME -- CBS Sunday Movie, "Vampire Bats" starring Lucy Lawless in her sequel to "Locusts".

    So, it's Halloween, and you're a loser, and you're looking for some good TV substitute to real-life that you can sink your teeth into? Let me reccormend the awesomely bad CBS Sunday Film, Vampire Bats, starring Xena's Lucy Lawless. The movie mixes every single facet of bad-tvness together: an actress who can't seem to get past her warcry, a highly comical gimmick for that actress (she carries a broom around the whole show!), awesomely bad special effects, (ahem, is that a rubber bat or are you just unhappy to see me?), once important-recently forgetton TV stars, (whoa...Grace Under Fire has gotten FAT!!), and volunteer (I hope) cameramen who can't afford tripods, all blend together to make a PERFECTLY enjoyable slightly horrific (but not in the AHH! scary sense) TV-flick.

    So this is the part where you say, so why should I watch it, right? Two reasons: first, it's in the news! Believe it or not, if you go to and type in Vampire Bats, you'll get a whole slew of news relating to events that occurred three days after this movie was aired: 23 Brazilians are dead after vampire bat attacks have spread rabies! AHH! Frightening, huh?

    One completely random reason to watch the movie, is just the weirdness of it all. There is actually a scene in which they have a dance underground (we won't even talk about how impossible it is to have managed a dance underground), and the ENTIRE room's ceiling is COVERED in bats--that are completely asleep--even with all the strobe lights, disco lights, dancing, pounding--the bats? completely silent. Not only does NO ONE notice the, I don't know, 500 bats, but in real life, if you even walk into a CAVE, bats freak and fly out! I guess next time I'll take a little disco-idge in with me! Also, the location of the movie was in Lousiana, the same as as the prequel, Locusts. It's some of the last footage shot in New Orleans before Hurricane Katrina hit, in fact, filming continued right up until the evacuation of the city. Lucy Lawless, who portrays the main actress, Maddy Rierdon said, "I [drove] with one of the producers. It was just the two of us as we inched out of town, going about 3 mph, with hundreds of thousands of other people. And the weather was coming.... I have never seen clouds with that ominous quality before." Lawless went on to say that she was in the car for nine hours and when asked how much of the Vampire Bats set was left unrecognizable after the storm she said, "All of it. I've seen photos of the locations where we were. All gone. Chris Morgan, a producer who has a house in New Orleans, went back and sent me photos [and the area] is just completely unrecognizable. We have some of the last filmed footage of New Orleans as it was."

    On a more local level, it's a myth that vampires don't attack humans is a myth. (Yes, read that again.) My brother-in-law was actually bitten by a bat in youth, and has since been AUTHENTICALLY afraid of them. He watched the show, and throughout could be heard screaming, F**K So, if you're afraid of bats, perhaps this isn't the best show to watch, especially since there are entire scenes dedicated to bats crawling on dying humans and sucking their blood--quite gag-reflex-worthy!

    You gotta love the comparison between this movie and Locusts. First off, at the end of Locusts Maddy actually QUITS her job so she can be with her husband and kids--in this movie, they spend most of their time with Grace Under Fire (a really old TV show, staring a blond haired lady who had a looooow voice, you know, like Ann Coulter). Maddy's American accent seems to become more and more--New Zeland-esque. And, BOTH movies have ended with Mr. and Mrs. Rierdon sitting on lawn chairs looking to the future (Gee, I wonder what plague CBS will throw Xena in NEXT!? Stay Tuned!) While this movie might not be as delectable as its predecessor, Locusts, in reflection, it's quite the humorous aftersnack! I must admit, I only watch these movies because I love Lucy, and with the recent 4 hours of screentime they've given her I heart CBS. Even with the "she-still-kinda-has-her-accent" flaw, she does a pretty excellent job in this movie--and she's about the only one who does, and that's okay with me, because if there's one reason why I would bite into a movie called Vampire Bats, it'd have to involve Lucy Lawless. Although with shows like Xena, Locusts, and Vampire Bats, I do wonder when she will ever get a role where she's not, in some way, being hounded by some sort of plague!