Selma Rose: Have you ever been a walking punch line, Mr. Mars? I mean, on a national scale?
(Veronica is on the phone with her father)
Veronica: Beer off your belly, hand out of your boxers, put on some pants. I'm bringing home a visitor.
Nish: Well, I'm impressed with your tenacity, if not your politics.
Veronica: I can die happy.
Veronica: I have spent the last few days being terrified that I had some whacked-out rapist following me!
Logan: Look, I had the same fear.
Veronica: So you pay someone to tail me?
Logan: No, so I asked you to stop putting yourself in danger, and you told me to piss off. Then I hired someone to protect you.
Veronica: You had no right to do that.
Logan: Look, that's probably true... okay? It's just I don't care.
Veronica: You don't care?
Logan: Look, I don't give a rat's ass if it's right or fair. I don't care if you're angry. I care that you're safe.
Veronica: That's all sweet and great, but it doesn't really work that way. It's not like this is all some new facet of my personality. You know who I am! You know what I do.
Veronica: And... it isn't gonna change. And if you can't accept that, this isn't gonna work.
Logan: You know who I am. And you're constantly expecting me to change. And even right now, as you're thinking, 'crap, he's got a point', you still think you're ultimately right. (he pauses) I love you, Veronica. I love you. But, do you love me?
Dean O'Dell: An extremely wealthy woman disappears in the middle of a reception held in her honor. Don't you find that, I don't know, odd?
Lamb: Well, I mean, there's 'odd' and there's 'foul play'. Rich ladies aren't the most reliable creatures.
Dean O'Dell: Of course, she must have remembered her tennis lesson. How silly of her to forget. I don't suppose there's someone I can speak with who would take this seriously.
Lamb: Dollars to doughnuts, you'll find her sobbing into a mojito at the club because she lost an earring.
Dean O'Dell: Well, you'd be the doughnut expert.
Logan: Just stop digging around. Okay? No more looking into the serial rapes. No more putting your nose where it doesn't belong.
Veronica: My nose kind of belongs wherever I decide to put it.
Logan: I'm worried about you. Okay? I want you to stop now. I'm not kidding.
Veronica: Kind of a one-eighty, isn't it? Can we rewind a week? Cue it up to the part where you were asking me to exonerate your Mexican vacation buddy, Mercer.
Logan: That was before you were attacked. Why can't you for once just leave things alone?
Veronica: Okay, now you're starting to piss me off.
Keith: This is my daughter, Veronica. She works with me... occasionally.
Veronica: Ryan. Tatum. When he gets in a jam, I make with the cute.
Dick: What the hell, Bonnie?!
Bonnie: That's exactly what I was thinking. Another cute frat boy... what the hell?
Dick: You realize you're like half the points now. You went from top shelf to bargain basement in like three seconds.
Bonnie: It was more like the third floor bathroom to the pinball machine in like forty-seven minutes.
Keith: Hey! You might want to stop yelling at my daughter.
Logan: Yeah? You might want to start.
Veronica: The incredible inedible egg.
Wallace: Man, all of my orifices just went on lockdown.
Veronica: The park is closed. The walrus out front should have told you.
Keith: Honey, stealthy, remember?
Veronica: Right! Sorry.
Dean O'Dell: The Sheriff is an idiot. I've met smarter sandwiches.
Dick: Someone put a Roman numeral on one of those little plastic Easter eggs... and stuck it in his where-the-sun-don't-shine place. And you know where that is.
Veronica: Worst Easter egg hunt ever.
(Keith and Veronica break into a mansion)
Veronica: This is just like that time we went to Disneyland! If I have another altercation with Snow White and her disapproving dwarfs, you're taking Sneezy this time.
Fern: Why are you following me around?
Veronica: Fulfilling my gym requirement. Yoga had a written final.
Veronica: The park is closed.
Veronica's line "The park is closed. The walrus out front should have told you." is an allusion to National Lampoon's Vacation's line: "Sorry folks, park's closed. Moose out front shoulda told ya."
Veronica: 'The Female Voice in Celtic Literature.' I am woman, hear me bore.
Reference to "I'm a woman, hear me roar," the first line of the feminist anthem "I Am Woman" by pop singer Helen Reddy.
Veronica: Ryan... Tatum...
This refers to Tatum O'Neal and Ryan O'Neal, real-life daughter and father, who teamed up for the movie Paper Moon (1973). Tatum O'Neal won an Oscar for her performance. She was 10 years old and became the youngest person to win this award in a competitive category.
Hallie: What's next? Do you wanna know where I buried Jimmy Hoffman?
Veronica: Dustin's brother?
Hallie is incorrectly referring to Jimmy Hoffa and calls him Jimmy Hoffman by mistake. Veronica catches her slip and makes her own reference to Dustin Hoffman to surreptitiously make fun of Hallie's ignorance.
Jimmy Hoffa was an American labor leader with ties to the Mafia. He is well-known in popular culture for the mysterious circumstances surrounding his still-unexplained disappearance and presumed death. Dustin Hoffman is the well-known actor whose breakthrough role was in the 1967 film, The Graduate.
Hallie: Mr. Brant's assistant? He's, like, in love with Mr. Rose. Like Swimfan in love.
Hallie refers to the 2002 movie, Swimfan. In this movie, a girl named Keirsten transfers to Chris's school and seduces him. He then rejects her in favor of his girlfriend. She becomes obsessed with him and turns his life into a living hell.
Dick: Not only did Chip get Kojak'ed...
The scene when Keith is inspecting the plaques on the wall is (yet another) ode to The Big Lebowski, going so far as to have the assistant also named Brandt, also asking about (and being told not to touch) a plaque on the wall, and the husband being in a wheelchair.
Patty Hearst plays Selma Hearst-Rose.
Patty and Selma are Marge's twin sisters on The Simpsons. The actress who plays Selma, allegedly a kidnap victim in this episode, was kidnapped in 1974 by the Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA) and held for ransom. Her family met the demands of the SLA, but Patty was not released.
Fern: Hey, Buffy!
Fern calls Veronica "Buffy". Veronica Mars is often compared to Buffy Summers, another female teen hero and title character of the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Veronica: Apparently Brant is the Smithers to Mr. Rose's Monty Burns.
This refers to the feelings that Waylon Smithers has for Mr. Burns on The Simpsons.
Veronica: She always gets a replay, never tilts at all.
This is from the song "Pinball Wizard" by The Who.
Veronica: Worst Easter egg hunt ever.
This is a reference to the Comic-Book Guy's one-liner, from The Simpsons, "Worst episode ever."
Veronica: The Incredible Inedible Egg
This is a reference to the American Egg Board's advertising slogan "The Incredible Edible Egg".
Episode Title: Lord of the Pi's
This is a play on the book which was adapted into the film Lord of the Flies (1963).