Veronica: "J. Geils was right, love stinks. You can dress it up with sequins and shoulder pads, but one way or another, you're just gonna end up alone at the spring dance, strapped into uncomfortable underwear."
A great '80s theme dance & Veronic
9.2
Back in the day, the stereotype of the Russian man was either a craggy old man with a unibrow or a pale young man with dark circles under his eyes and a huge bulge in his tights who danced ballet. The women, of course, were either stout old women with moles and wispy beards wearing babushkas or unsmiling 14-year-old gymnasts coached by Leonid Arkayev. The Cold War is over now and capitalism "won"—which means that Russians now have the "right" to starve under a free market—so those old stereotypes have died. Today, Russian men are either pale young men who ice skate or mobsters. The women are stunning young mail-order brides or 14-year-old unsmiling gymnasts coached by Leonid Arkayev. Isn't progress great?
The plot wasn't the big reason I had looked forward to this episode. I was pleased when I found out that Alyson Hannigan would be in this one for a couple of reasons: one, I think she's quite a good actress, even if I didn't care for her character on Buffy, and; two, I'd hoped that her appearance would help spike the ratings a bit. I have to say that I was a bit disappointed on both accounts. Hannigan is a wonderful actress, with an amazing ability to convey vulnerability with facial expressions, but she didn't knock this one out of the park by any means. She had interviewed that she was very nervous when she got in front of the camera, and had a hard time remembering her lines. Sadly, it showed, especially in her initial scene. When we first see her in the hotel lobby (wearing a hat that would look perfect on Willow—if it were purple felt and had a huge gaudy orange flower, that is), she seemed to rush her lines. I didn't feel much emotion behind them. While she did seem more at ease in her later scene, I'm beginning to think that she might not be suited for a character who isn't about sweetness and light; I didn't care for her acting when she played Dark Willow, either. As for the ratings, the show was still UPN's top-rated Tuesday night offering, but finished last in its time slot once again. (Can someone please tell me how One Tree Hill manages to beat this show in ratings? Truth really is stranger than fiction, isn't it?)
More than Hannigan's performance, however, I had a problem with the explanation of Trina's appearance—or lack thereof. When Logan and Veronica track "Lynn" to the hotel, it's because her credit card is in use. Trina also shows up wearing Lynn's clothes. How did she get those things? As of now, it makes no sense. While I'm more than willing to give Rob Thomas et al a bit of leeway here with the caveat that this be explained in a later episode, I can't help but wonder why neither Veronica nor Logan asked the obvious question: has Trina seen Lynn? Is that why she has the clothes and the credit card? Logan may be too torn up, but Veronica should certainly be on top of it, shouldn't she? On the good side of things, I liked the discussion of their father. Comments Aaron made in "Lord of the Bling" made it seem that Logan was exaggerating his father's violence. Trina continues in that same vein. While we absolutely know that Aaron is violent with his son, the question is, to what extent? I think it's worse than Aaron or Trina would have it, but maybe not as bad as Logan would have it. That question of perspective is a very interesting—and realistic—one.
While we're on the subject of Logan's emotions, I have to say again how much I love this development of his character. Yes, Logan's a jerk, but even the biggest jerk has feelings, loves someone, is prone to heartbreak. This guy has lost his girlfriend and his mother, and having him break down in the hotel lobby was necessary. I also felt the hesitancy between him and Veronica—should he seek comfort from her, should she reach out and give it—was very true to the characters, but it was also in keeping with those characters that he would eventually seek comfort and she would, in turn, give it. That was a very touching scene, and well-played by both of them.
The Logan story was officially the B plot—I think. There were probably four different plotlines in this episode, but they didn't seem jammed together, which is so often the case when a show has too much going on. The least interesting plot was probably the A plot, concerning the Russian mail-order bride seeking her lost "Tom Cruz". There was nothing really wrong with this plot; it was just overshadowed in importance by the various subplots. After watching the episode a second time, I realized that I should have had doubts about the identity of Catherine Lenova, a.k.a. Yelena Sukarenko, when Keith was so hesitant to spend much time on the case. After all, doesn't father know best? I didn't have any suspicions during the first viewing, however, so the writers certainly got it over on me. I guess I didn't have any big problems with the fact that the plot revolved around Russian mobsters, except that making Russians mobsters has become almost a reflex for many screenwriters. Russians are the new Italians, I guess. The real problem I had was the way the plot was resolved. It certainly seemed like the little plan to use the empty model home was hatched quite quickly. How long did "Catherine" allow the phone to ring after Veronica hung up on her? How was Keith able to get the cops out to that empty model so quickly? Doesn't he still have issues with the Neptune Sheriff's Department? It just seemed terribly contrived.
I found plot B.2—the story of Meg's secret admirer—much more interesting, mostly because of the "Total Eclipse of the Heart" '80s-themed spring dance. Although, I have to admit, I prefer my Bonnie Tyler along the lines of "It's a Heartache." Now, I'm not usually caught up in the silliness of worrying about my age. Yes, my oldest will be a teenager in a few months. I also had a few problems when I turned 30—not because of fading youth, but because I hadn't accomplished the things I'd expected to by that age. Nonetheless, it does make one take stock when kids getting ready to enter young adulthood are using the soundtrack of one's high school years as the music for a nostalgia dance. Songs like Spandau Ballet's "True," Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time," and the Fixx's "One Thing Leads to Another" were actually played at dances I went to in high school. I also loved Veronica's get-up. It actually looked like Meg was using Miss Breck hairspray to get her hair to poof out like that. Nothing could top Logan's Risky Business get-up, though. When I saw some of the stills from this episode, I couldn't figure out why in the hell they were dressed like that. Making things even better, we had various references to TV shows from the late ‘70s and ‘80s: Keith mentions the Love Boat, Wallace refers to Veronica as "Rockford," and, of course, the running Tom Cruise jokes and Risky Business allusions. Hilarious stuff.
I also have to admit that I never expected Meg's admirer to be Duncan. In fact, until I actually saw him walk up to her, I wasn't sure that's who it was. Let's just say that Karl the Forensic Artist may be great at "forensics," but he leaves a bit to be desired in the "artist" department. I was absolutely heartbroken for Veronica, though. After all she's gone through, seeing her sitting in the car crying over a lost first love reminds us that she is just a high school girl. Keith wanted her to do "high school girl things," and crying over your first love is more fitting than "cutting pictures of Ashton out of Teen People." Then, the sunshine of Deputy Leo comes her way. Yes, that was a happy scene, but also a puzzling one. Isn't Veronica officially jailbait? Also, I can't imagine taking a 20-year-old to a high school dance. I had older boyfriends during my junior and senior years, but I was no longer a dance-attending type by that time. It just seems strange to me for a guy who's pushing drinking age to be doing the ‘80s dress-up thing and dancing with a bunch of teenagers to bad Top 40 music from 20 years ago.
All was well, though, as we went out on a high note. It took me a while to realize that Clarence Wiedman was the African-American guy in the Barstow bar, but the look of terror on Veronica's face has me anxiously awaiting the next new episode. Sadly, that won't be next week. Instead, UPN is giving us a follow-up to the last cycle of America's Next Top Model. I think I'll be watching something else that night.
GREAT LINES:
Veronica: "I look like Manila Whore Barbie."
Logan: "Wang Chung, or I'll kick your ass!" [I was going to use one of these first two quotes in the teaser, but I thought I'd go for something a bit more family-suitable; that would be a quote about uncomfortable underwear, of course.]
Meg: "Granted, I would look good on Kaz's arm, but do you have anything available in sensitive or charming?"
Keith: "Honey, we're private investigators, not the friggin' Love Boat."
Veronica to Wallace: "C'mon, don't you want us to be BFF?"
Logan to Trina: "If you're coming home, who'll play Dead Hooker Two on CSI this week?"
Deputy Leo to Veronica: "Ready for a ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart'?"
One Last Note:
I usually answer all email I get from readers privately, but there was one question I received that I wanted to note here because I think they'll be of interest to others, as well. The question that's driving me nuts: what is/was the age relationship between Lilly and Duncan? I'm not sure the show has ever made this clear. I had simply accepted that the Kanes, Veronica and Logan were all in the same grade. The only way that could be is if the Kanes are fraternal twins or one of them was held back. Now, if Lilly was older than the other three, why was she going out with a younger guy? That was extremely rare when I was in high school. Duncan has to be a junior because of comments made in "Clash of the Tritons." Veronica is 17, which makes her either a junior or a senior. This is making me nuts! Is it an error in logic or an oversight by the writers? Any ideas?