Veronica Mars Season 3 Episode 3

Dean O'Dell: How 'bout you give me that name and we'll start over with a clean slate.
Veronica: I said I'm not giving up the name.
Dean O'Dell: And I said I'll have you expelled.
Veronica: And I said I'm not giving up the name. Is this how this works?

Logan: You know, your dad was half-right: you have a thing for bad boys, but... you don't want to reform 'em, you just get off on judging them.
Veronica: Which reminds me, can I borrow your copy of 'A Hundred and One Brooding Comments'?
Logan: I only have the Cliff Notes. Look, I gotta run, so, uh... to save you the trouble, I'm surfing in Mexico with Dick and Mercer this weekend. I'll fax you the coordinates so you don't incur any more cell tracking charges, and I'll keep a journal of my bad thoughts in case you wanna stick my face in a cage of rats when I get back.

Logan: Hey. So, what am I, scale of one to ten?
Veronica: Um, one. Seven. Four? Help me with some criteria?
Logan: Gentlemanliness? Like how I resisted the impulse to make a so-called booty call last night...What?
Veronica: Just the other day, my dad was saying I had a thing for trying to reform unreformable bad boys.
Logan: What does that have to do with me? I'm reformable, good, and a man.

Logan: I have a class 'til ten, but, uh, if you come by afterwards, we could write on our ourselves. Get real, uh... political.
Veronica: That's what a girl likes to hear -- 'Darling, do all the weird crap you like, just don't be late for the booty call.'

Veronica: Two gym buddies invite you to a party and you're there already, but whenever I want to do something interesting, you're busy.
Logan: You mean interesting like some fossil wheezing through a novel.
Veronica: First, Martin Amis isn't a fossil, and second, yes, it's college, we are supposed to expand our horizons past video games and binge drinking.

(talking about Logan's weightlifting class)
Veronica: So what, guys, like, spot each other doing squat thrusts and stuff?
Logan: And have group sex in the showers. What is this, jealous?
Veronica: Oh, jealous would involve piano wire.

Logan: Is this the help desk? 'Cause I need a little help.
Veronica: Let me guess. You have this pathologically suspicious girlfriend and you hope maybe there's a guidebook?
Logan: No, it's more like, uh... what's beyond pathological?
Veronica: I'm sorry, Logan. I spent my formative years watching people while they lied to, cheated on and betrayed each other. So the trust thing...it doesn't come naturally. But I'm trying to act unnaturally, I swear. So there's that. I thought you were in Mexico.
Logan: Yeah, well us bad boys normally love Mexico, but uh...I was feeling a little reformed.

Weevil: (to his boss) I guess I'll go wash some spoiled bitch's graduation gift from daddy, huh?
Veronica: I'm not spoiled, and technically, it wasn't for graduation.
Weevil: What about the bitch part?
Veronica: That depends on who you ask.

Veronica: (voiceover) Football: the systematic violation of the Geneva Convention made into a sport. I'm surprised the A.S.P.C.A. doesn't protest.

Piz: It's like Jon Stewart meets Crossfire. If Jon Stewart didn't hate Crossfire.

Veronica: (voiceover) Now here's a moral dilemma: You have a cell phone tracker which cost your dad hundred of dollars. You went through the trouble of activating your GPS-chip in your boyfriend's phone. So, is it a waste of your dad's hard earned money and your time if you don't use it?

Larry: I'm not a criminal mastermind, I'm just a painter!
Veronica: Yeah, well, so was Hitler.

Dean O'Dell: We can download pictures from the surface of the moons of Jupiter on to a portable phone, but we can't keep the air conditioner in this office running for more than a week at a time.

(talking about Weevil)
Keith: Didn't he get busted for murder?
Veronica: Assault.
Keith: See, so he's not even a very good murderer.