Benjamín Benítez |
FBI Special Agent Tommy Rodriguez |
Gary Cole |
Lieutenant Conrad Rose |
Josey Scott |
Officer Rodney Gronbeck |
Lee Tergesen |
U.S. Marshal Eddie Drake |
Rashida Jones |
Detective Carla Merced |
Ryan Hurst (I) |
ATF Field Agent Jimmy McGloin |
Mary Castro |
Nude Woman |
Guest Star |
Norma Maldonado |
Meredith Galvan |
Guest Star |
Paul Renteria |
Federale #2 |
Guest Star |
Karen Sillas |
Deputy D.A. Mariah Belichek |
Recurring Role |
Joaquim de Almeida |
Manuel Valenza |
Recurring Role |
Belichek: You not only killed the wrong guy, but you shot a man to death in a wheelchair.
Conrad: For the right reasons.
Belichek: Are you out of your mind?
Captain Valenza: Which one is the shooter?
Conrad: Antonio Fuente. He was a Tony Montana wannabe living in Soledad's garage. That he was a paraplegic is incidental to his accuracy with an automatic weapon.
Captain Valenza: I meant, which one of your people killed him?!
Conrad: We all killed him!
(Jimmy stabs a blow-up sex doll. The wheezing sound of escaping air is heard.)
Eddie: What's that?
Conrad: It's Jimmy's version of birth control.
(While standing on a canal bridge, suspect no. ninety spits on Carla's face. She retaliates by kneeing him in the crotch, then in the face, sending him over the rail and into the water.)
Eddie: Shall we save him?
Carla: Saving him's up to God, but I guess we can't let him drown.
(Suspect number ninety shouts profanity from within his house. Then he turns his attention to a man tied up and gagged, and begins to hit him)
Eddie: Who's the lump on the floor?
Carla: Confirmation of Darwin's theory.
Tommy: Hey Jimmy how do you get a priest to have sex with a nun?
(Jimmy stares back without saying a word)
Tommy: Dress her up like an altar boy! (Tommy laughs)
Jimmy: I ain't chasing your sacrilegious chumline Tommy.
Tommy: Oh come on, it's no fun playing alone.
Jimmy: You ever have sex by yourself?
Tommy: Sometimes.
Jimmy: Same thing!
(Carla pulls out a lock knife and slashes a tire from the suspects car)
Eddie: Hey don't waste your time. This thing is not roadworthy. Day one of a binge they have sex with a beer bottle. Day two, they start hearing voices and seeing shadows in the dark, and day three they start looking for things, to take
apart they could 'never' put back together.
Carla: Kinda like your personal life!
Eddie: Back it up chiglig.
Carla: That's our man. John Patterson. Number ninety on the list.
Eddie: Ninety on the list. Who made this list anyway, what's the criteria?
Carla: The worst of the worst. This guy's a homicidal rapist and a drug dealer. Somebody's gotta wipe up after him.
Eddie: Yo cow girl, slow down.
Carla: Yo sheep stains, speed up.
Eddie: The man likes her, to be by her side, or maybe a little behind.
Carla: How about on a leash!?
Eddie: The visuals a little creepy, but er, if that's what youre into?!
(Both of them peer into a glass window and see an average American family seated for a meal)
Eddie: Woah, this is righteous.
Carla: Erh, Norman Rockwells wet dream. Rah-Rah. Where do I sign up?!
Eddie: You dare impune, the American family?!
Carla: It's the American hallucination of a woman's duty.
Eddie: You know what I think killed the American family?
Carla: No.
Eddie: Women's Lib.
Carla: Oh, please!
Eddie: Working mothers lead to day-care and day-care leads to latchkey kids. Latchkey kids start munching mom's vidocin, cruising internet porn and hanging out at the mall. Which we all know is society's sexual petri dish. If I had more time I could prove that working mothers are responsible for higher street crime.
Carla: Blow me!
Eddie: Raincheck.
Eddie: You ever been married.
Carla: Once.
Eddie: what happened?
Carla: I didn't think that the missionary position and a cold martini made for much of a career choice.
Eddie: Hmm, I'm the opposite.
Carla: If sheep could cook!
Eddie: Ah, tell me about it.
International Airdates:
The Netherlands: December 3, 2007 on Veronica
Featured Music:
"The Giveaway" by Godhead feat. Wayne Static
Connie: Antonio Fuente. He was a Tony Montana wannabe living in Soledad's garage. That he was a paraplegic is incidental to his accuracy with an automatic weapon.
Tony Montana is the lead character in the brutal Cuban gangster film Scarface. He was played by Al Pacino.
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