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Syfy (ended 2014)

Warehouse 13 S04E19: "All the Time in the World"


Poor Nicky-poo. Him just wanted some lovins from those fine 1500s ladies. Unfortunately, his immortality set him up for half a century of heartbreak and probably a bucketload of commitment issues. In Warehouse 13's penultimate Season 4 episode, Nick was de-immortalized, along with his parents, by his dear uncle Paracelsus—who very quickly took over nefarious evil-doer duties from Charlotte and Nick. The move definitely came out of vengeance, rather than kindliness and maybe remorse about that whole 500 years of puberty thing. What a douchebag. 

Paracelsus doesn't have a great track record with not being a sack of ass. Way back in the day, when a drunken Sutton (HI JAMES MARSTERS! MISSED YOU!) drunkenly offered to be his immortality guinea pig, Paracelsus surprised drunk Sutton with a closet full of his drugged and restrained family—Charlotte and Nick. Gotta test the variables, after all. 


Thus began their 500-year hate-fest, starting with Sutton leading the Warehouse 9 agents to Paracelsus's underground lair and Paracelsus still being pissed about it when Nick un-bronzed him in Warehouse 13. After a nifty mind-meld brought Uncle P up to date on world affairs, Nick switched roles from immortal evil-doer wunderkind to boy-hostage while Claudia crumbled due to an unstable bronzing process and Jinks panicked because like just like with Claudia, literally all of Jinks' friends die all of the time. 

Like so many of the gadgets and goodies the Warehouse team have incorporated into their operations, the bronzer is also powered by an artifact. The artifact itself will bronze any hapless victim, but without the official Warehouse 13 bronzing machine to stabilize the process, that newly bronzed person will gradually deteriorate. Of course, Paracelsus snaked the artifact as he departed for Istanbul with his nephew/hostage, meaning there was no way to stop Claudia from shattering—unless they got the artifact back. 


Meanwhile, Myka hadn't started her cancer treatments yet and Pete was understandably grumpy about it and Mrs. Frederic had seemingly developed some sort of dementia because the heart of the warehouse was falling apart or being mutated or... or something. This deterioration was also connected to the slow computers and general weird feeling that the more attuned warehouse denizens, like Claudia, Mrs. F, and—surprise!—Abigail were feeling.

P.S. Abigail was revealed to be the warehouse's "Keeper"—that one person in every generation who knows the warehouse's inner-most secrets. How this differs from a Regent or a Caretaker, I'm not entirely sure, but apparently that was her entire reason for arriving at the warehouse all along. I'm not terribly perturbed by the big news about Abigail's true identity—her initial function as a non-psychic replacement for Leena was fine, but she also reeked of being, well, a replacement character with no reason for existing except to fill someone else's shoes. So in the sense that being the Keeper gives Abigail her own role, and one that's (theoretically) completely original and all her own, it's awesome. I just hope we get a more expanded idea of what a Keeper actually does, and that it's actually a distinctive and worthwhile thing to focus on, rather than yet another random blip in the ever-complicated Warehouse 13 mythology. I also hope that Abigail's shiny new warehouse-centric mission doesn't overshadow or negate everything she did as a mere muggle because frankly, I really enjoyed her as a plain old civilian wandering around the most magical and dangerous funhouse on TV.


Claudia was eventually de-bronzed when Myka retrived the stolen bronzing artifact because Warehouse 13 would have been cray to even consider wasting one of its most popular characters on the eve of the show's final season... which brings us to Myka. By the end of "All the Time in the World," Myka decided to go forward with the treatments she was actively avoiding out of fear or denial or sheer stubbornness or all three. Pete (understandably) nagged her for most of the episode to be proactive and get on her treatment and Myka (understandably) told him to screw off and let her control her own body. After watching Charlotte die almost immediately after becoming mortal again, Myka had a change of heart about avoiding treatment, realizing how fragile life really is and how even immortal ladies can bite it as soon as their eternal life cards are revoked—as opposed to living out a natural life complete with achy knees and Depends, like she and Sutton wanted. 

Myka emerged from Paracelsus's lab determined to beat her cancer the human way, but I still can't help but see a direct connection between Myka's life-threatening illness, the coveted Philosopher's Stone, and Paracelsus's ability to play God. The man was once the Caretaker of Warehouse 9—which is why Mrs. Frederic is having her issues—so he was maybe, at one time, a good guy. There is ample room for a Paracelsus redemption story heading into the season finale. I'd be okay with that (and I'm very okay with how much more exciting our recent episodes have been). How about you? 



NOTES FROM THE LIBRARY OF CRAZY

– Abigail as the Keeper: yay or bleh?

– Paracelsus was officially bronzed because he was a "threat to the world?" Wasn't that kind of obvious?

– Aww. Mrs. Frederic was so delighted to amaze Artie with the restricted files. <3

– That stage-slap between Charlotte and Sutton clearly made zero contact and it made me giggle. 

– Kinda figured one of the immortal Suttons would bite it as soon as they were turned mortal again. Bye, Charlotte. Miss your sass. 

– What are your predictions for next week's season finale? 

– What do you hope to see next week? 

– Did you enjoy "All the Time in the World?"

Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 5/19/2014

Season 5 : Episode 6

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