Oh, Warehouse 13, always with the really great finales to (sort of) make up for seasons that sag in the middle. I knew I could count on you to be awesome in the end... mostly. I mean, the truth hurts and the truth is that "The Truth Hurts" once again featured a warehouse in peril, but ehhh, Anthony Head and BAMF-y Claudia facing off for control makes me all tingly, so I'm willing to overlook the been-there-done-that portions of our finale's plot.
I mean, just look at that face:
You in danger, Paracelsus.
After dropping the bombshell that Paracelsus was a former warehouse caretaker just like our beloved Mrs. Frederic, Warehouse 13 proceeded to destroy everything we hold dear: Claudia and Artie's BFF-dom, Mrs. F's place in the warehouse hierarchy, Pete's generally lighthearted nature, and Myka's,well, Myka's everything.
With Paracelsus un-bronzed and ready for world domination, his initial link to the warehouse kicked in and began to override Mrs. Frederic's. This would have sucked simply even if Paracelsus only had access to all the toys in the ever-expanding library of crazy, but his override didn't simply sap Mrs. F of her influence, it also slowly killed her. Oh, and Paracelsus also figured out how to recreate his immortality-granting experiment from 500 years ago because what the warehouse gang needed in addition to a crazy-evil, narcissistic super-genius running the show was an immortal one. YES.
Guys, I'm so torn. On one hand, I'm so Team Paracelsus it hurts because he's a dick and he's Giles + an out of control ego + nefarious evildoing on overdrive and his ability to completely not even give half a damn about anyone or anything except reaching his supposedly amazing potential reminds me of the reason I doodle pink Sharpie hearts around Lex Luthor from time to time. If we were talking about a Paracelsus vs. Pete or even a Paracelsus vs. Steve situation, I'd apologize and wave my giant Paracelsus #1 foam finger high—but that's not the case. It's Paracelsus vs. Claudia and I can't not cheer for Claudia. Girl had it rough this finale.
In addition to watching Mrs. Frederic fade and prepping herself to inevitably take on her Caretaker duties—the very same duties she didn't want to touch with a ten-foot pole earlier this season—Claudia also learned that her sister Claire, previously believed to have died in the same car accident that killed Claudia's parents, is actually alive and well and apparently real evil. So evil, in fact, that Artie concealed his knowledge of her survival from Claudia, and Claudia's from Claire, in order to protect Claudia from... I don't know. Warehouse 13 hasn't taken us that far yet.
Claudia was understandably not pleased with this revelation, but before we could go beyond the obligatory poop-face and accusations of BETRAYAL AND LIES OMG, Pete tried to turn Paracelsus mortal again and accidentally made P and the warehouse mind-meld instead. So now, Paracelsus doesn't even have to touch an artifact to ruin your day with it. Nice going, Petey. Claudia saved Mrs. F's life by relieving her of Caretaker duties. Then it was time to blow that crazy popsicle stand before Super P changed his mind about not using the team for guinea pigs and brought his "house" down on their heads—except for Claudia, who was confident that the warehouse would protect her as she fought Paracelsus for its soul, bringing us to that delicious stand-off shot that "The Truth Hurts" closed on.
At first, the big secret about Claudia's sister seemed like cheap drama for the sake of drama, but all of that hinting at Claudia having been "born" for her role as Mrs. Frederic's successor and the fact that Artie had known about Claire for years raises some interesting questions about the entire Donovan family and its connection to the warehouse. After all, Claudia originally came to the warehouse looking to drop a little vengeance on Artie for taking her brother away from her with their botched teleportation experiment—which was based on an artifact from the warehouse. The teleportation experiment took place years after Claudia's parents, and supposedly her sister, had been killed, and Joshua's apparent loss eventually drove Claudia down the path that led her to the warehouse. From here, it honestly looks like some sort of vast conspiracy to force Claudia toward her warehouse-sanctioned "destiny," and knowing Claudia, she probably had that very same thought herself (though it had to have been fleeting, what with the impending immediate doom and all.)
We'd already known that Artie and the Donovans go back pretty far, but now it appears that their relationship is older than we originally thought. So... why? Is Claudia just that special? Or is the whole family tied to the warehouse in some way? How evil must Claire be for Artie (and Mrs. Frederic? What about the Regents?) to declare her an enemy of the warehouse, unfit to be reunited with her sister under any circumstances?
And how did Artie get a hold of her DNA? This is all weird and fishy and I love it.
Between Paracelsus in charge, the whole Donovan family conspiracy coming to light, and Myka apparently taking a turn for the worse, the boredom that (for me) plagued so much of the second half of Season 4 is little more than a bad memory as of this finale. I'd made peace with Warehouse 13's cancellation, with just a limited-run fifth season to wrap up the loose ends. I was ready to say goodbye, but now I'm not so sure. Will a mere six episodes be enough to do everything justice? And even putting any closure concerns aside, I'm already nostalgic for a memory that "The Truth Hurts" effortlessly jogged: When Warehouse 13 is good, it's very good.
– Ghost Leena Strikes Again: Can we puh-leeze address that, Warehouse 13? Please? I'm not mad, I'm just curious.
– "I liked you better as your usual annoying 12-year-old self." Ugh, no, Myka, shut up.
– Details, Warehouse 13, DETAILS: Aren't you supposed to fast before surgery? Unless Myka's procedure was an emergency... but I was under the impression that even though it got bumped up in priority due to the pain onset, it was still exploratory. Or something.
– Honestly, Myka's story seemed a bit rushed this week, like it was written simply to orchestrate the big Pete/Paracelsus disaster. Despite being such a huge, world-shaking arc for her, Myka has yet to actually have the spotlight to herself during her Big C plot.
– "We don't use artifacts!" YOU USE THEM ALL THE TIME, PETE! ALL THE TIME!
– What are your Claudia/Claire/Donovan Family theories?
– Claudia and Claire are similar names. Twins? ARE THEY TWINS?
– How do you think Myka's story will play out? Will Paracelsus be redeemed and heal her, or is Pete gonna have to go steal the Philosopher's Stone or something?
– Any other predictions for Season 5? Wants and desires?
– What'd you think of Season 4 as a whole?
– Thanks for reading, gang! I'll see you when Warehouse 13 returns! Kisses! Mwah!
AIRED ON 5/19/2014
Season 5 : Episode 6