Ay caramba. Look, I didn't love Warehouse 13's Season 5 premiere a few weeks back, but at least "Endless Terror," for as tired and repetitive as it was at times, wasn't an utter waste of time. Nor did it require subtitles for half the episode so that those of us who haven't busted out the Español since our sophomore year of undergrad could understand what people were saying in their painful amateur delivery, Pete. Not that anyone was saying anything particularly important, since Warehouse 13's telenovela parody was basically an actual telenovela. Literally no one cares about Maribel and Armando! Just write a damn Pete and Myka episode. It's not like Warehouse 13 hasn't been dancing around the issue for five seasons now. We're in the homestretch. We've already had a proxy couple stand in for Pete and Myka with Ted and Alyse. JUST GET ON WITH IT OH MY GOD THIS WAS SO CORNY SOMEBODY HELP.
Claudia and Jinks' adventures in fraternal hazing were slightly more entertaining, what with the evil-twin angle and Claudia being the oldest 22-year-old in town. In fact, that was pretty much the only time I wasn't bored to tears. Don't get me wrong, though—I was still bored.
After last week's excellent "A Faire to Remember" and its focus on yet another reason for Claudia to go back to therapy, the lack of meat in "Savage Seduction" was disappointing. An episode of television can certainly be goofy and still matter in the grand scheme of things—in fact, they're often among a show's best, à la Mad Men's "Far Away Places," Supernatural's "Mystery Spot," and Warehouse 13's own "Don't Hate the Player." Even Scrubs (RIP, MISS YOU), which was silly on a weekly basis, often blended thoughtfulness and cheese in ooey gooey goodness. I'm not anti-wacky or anti-lighthearted television, but I don't mind eating veggies along with my junk food, and all I could think about during "Savage Seduction" was the fact that Warehouse 13 only has six episodes with which to tell its final story, and it wasted one of them on this hottest of messes.
Meanwhile, we still don't know what AWOL undead Benedict Valda has been up to for the past few weeks—though I'm willing to bet that Coma Claire's recent disappearance can probably be traced back to him. And while Pete and Myka's endgame lovefest was right up at the top of my wishlist for Season 5, all of this hinting and nudging and tip-toeing is so frustrating, especially since the show has had four previous seasons to build it up... and they were also spent hemming and hawing and hopping around.
When Warehouse 13 is good, it's very good, and that's the impression I want the series to leave in its wake. I'm still confident that fans, and the series, will get the ending we/it deserves, but blowing a final-season episode—especially when there are only six to begin with—on a story that reeked of filler shakes that confidence.
– Yes, I get that this was a Cinco de Mayo episode.
– "I'd say that you can do an exposé on Bill Clinton, but you're late to the party." It makes me sad that an entire generation of kids today will watch '90s era SNL reruns (maybe?) and have no first-hand knowledge of why the Clinton skits are hilarious.
– Claudia: "Kids today." Jinks: "Kids today are YOUR age!"
– So why did (probably) Valda snatch Claire, do you think?
– And if it wasn't Valda, then who?
What did you think of "Savage Seduction"?
AIRED ON 5/19/2014
Season 5 : Episode 6