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CBS (ended 2013)

We Are Men S01E01: "Pilot"

Face it: Men have an easier go of things in the world. Not that we deserve it, goodness no. Over the course of thousands of centuries, life has just shifted in our favor for whatever reason, and we're rarely pressured to be married, we're often high-fived for having multiple sexual partners, we earn more than women who perform the same jobs equally or better, and we can drink a glass of water as a substitute for a shower. It's totally unfair, and you won't find many men complaining that they are men. 

But you know what? I'm horrified to be a man after suffering through the pilot of We Are Men. The new CBS comedy is a heartless dude-fest where the men have few responsibilities beyond trying to get their willies wet, and the women are mannequins for the men to undress with their eyes and definitely not marry. And on behalf of all men everywhere, I'd like to say I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I feel like I'm apologizing for the bad behavior of my drunk friend at a party, but... sorry!

We Are Men follows a penised quartet of total losers (in my opinion). All four guys are in various states of relationship disarray and living in a short-term housing complex near Hollywood. Our lead is fresh-faced Carter (Chris Smith), a youngish man who was recently dumped at the altar by his fiancee when an old boyfriend scooped her away mid-ceremony. Frank Russo (Monk's Tony Shalhoub as the anti-Adrian Monk) is a horny four-time divorcé with a fetish for Asian women and it's totally depressing. Gil (Kal Penn) cheated on his wife but wants her back; he's the semi-remorseful member of the group. And Stuart (Jerry O'Connell) is a twice-divorced gynecologist—of course he is—who can't seem to separate a certain aspect of his work from his regular life. The guys spend most of their days lounging around the pool in their complex (which is always awfully lively for a weekday afternoon), and many nights simmering in the complex's hot tub. You know, being dudes.

But in the pilot, they were always talking about women. How they wanted to bang 'em, how men don't need 'em, how their old flames held them back from being the free, swingin' dudes that they are now. The premise got old very fast, and with no clear reason for why the show took this angle beyond the men's frequent war cry of "Because it's awesome!" (things that are awesome to these "men" include eating fast-food burgers, playing basketball on 7-foot hoops, and drunk driving), We Are Men's premiere was basically the collected ramblings of a weekend warrior date rapist. Again, I am so, so sorry.

Apparently the ongoing premise for the series is that the three older dudes will show Carter how to get back on his horse by riding some new fillies. They spent the pilot going to bars, locating the closest person with a pair of lady-breasts, and shoving Carter in her direction while they kept their eyes out for women with lower self-esteem. And when they inevitably failed to pull any skirt, the group would engage in very guy-ish activities, like breaking into a Catholic school or running around shirtless because it was awesome.

There was one small glimmer of emotion and maturity, when Carter got back together with his fiancee and they agreed to get married again, but that was squashed as quickly as it was unbelievably thrown together. Moments after declaring, "I knew I wasn't like those other guys," Carter realized he was just like the other guys, and because his fiancee didn't want him to coach basketball or watch basketball or even look at a basketball, he decided to bail on her and all those trips to the farmer's market she made him take. Because farmers' markets are for pussies, according to We Are Men. And so the show backflipped away from any sense of moral obligation because dudes need to be dudes. (Ugh, so, so sorry.)

And not just any dudes. Sad, lonely dudes who spend more time half-naked with each other than they spend with women. Is it telling that all the guys struck out at every opportunity? Yup. Had We Are Men embraced these morons as lovable idiots with no chance of getting laid, the concept could have worked. Instead, We Are Men wants us to clink our Coors Lights against the screen whenever these doofuses lower their shades to ogle some bikini-clad babe's butt and celebrate the tidal wave of vaginas supposedly coming their way. They're unapologetic for their douchiness. I am not. Sorry, bro.



DUUUUUDE! NOTES!

– Hey man, that one chick was totally cool, though! Frank's daughter! Yeah, she's cool because she likes basketball, man. Not like those other chicks who won't let us play video games. I'm totally gonna hit that.

– Congratulations on having a really strong fall season so far, Asian women.

– I do love this cast. 

– How are you CBS faithful dealing with the single-camera comedy format? Are you missing the laugh track?

We Are Men's pilot was not funny. However, I did laugh one time: when Gil said he would take care of his nose bleed by jumping into the pool.

– If you like shows about men trying to pick up women, try HBO's new Hello Ladies, which debuted last night. You can watch it for free right here!

– Once again, I'm sorry!


Previously Aired Episode

AIRED ON 10/21/2013

Season 1 : Episode 4

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I just watched the first episode after learning the show was cancelled. I actually liked it and I don't see why anyone should apologize for it. With more episodes I'm sure the characters would have been given more depth.
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Am I the only female who wasn't offended by this show? I'm not saying it was good or anything, but at no point did I think it was any more offensive than half the stuff that's on the air.
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Thanks!!!
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No need to apologise Tim, I didn't find it that bad. It wasn't good but it wasn't bad. I at least managed to get through the whole episode unlike Dads and I actually wanted to watch Dads (mainly for Giovanni but I still wanted too).
I smiled a few times and it was nice to see Rebecca Breeds in something. She does a pretty good American accent for an Aussie and I would consider it a pretty big step up from Home and Away to playing Tony Shaloub's daughter!
I would like Jerry O'Connell to keep his clothes on though...
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I like raunchy guy humor. I love FXx's The League. This kind of humor can be done well, and it can cause some man-laughs beside a digusted wife. That being said, this show wasn't that. The characters are paper thin clichés with forced dialogue. There is no heart, no reason to like or sympathize with these characters. The jokes were non existent. It was like watching a support group act out what they thought abberant males acted like. It wasn't even worthy of calling it a juvenile guilty pleasure. It was boring. I don't hate this show because of it's attempt to portray misogyny and womanizing, I hate it because it was bad, and it missed whatever mark it was trying to hit. The only thing offensive about this pile of excrement is its affront to comedy.
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Is anyone else puzzled by why Kal Penn won't take off his shirt? I mean, come on, you're in a bath tub, bro!
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I HATED THIS SHOW! WORST NEW SHOW OF THE SEASON! IT'S WORSE THAN DADS! WHAT??? That's right I said it, it's worse than Dads. I only laughed once, and it wasn't even that big of a laugh. Shalhoub, Penn and O'Connell's potentials are wasted here. Please, I beg you, don't watch this show! Please!
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I think this show was nice not great but nice. the amusing part is the clichés and the stereotypes that the characters represent. verything is exagerated which make it amusing. I've watched it for Rebecca Reeds who is playing the daughter.
and frankly I'll give the 4 episodes trial because I think time is necessary to give the show some consistence.
I don't understand why, as a woman, I should be offended by this show because for me in this show everything is charicatural and you should not take this show literaly...
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Yeah, because this is not at all the same concept as Sex In The City, a show that truly shows the hardships of womanhood and getting their naughty parts wet while they jetset around town....right? Point is, let us not play favorites here, this is just a show exploiting manisms, the opposite just as easily exists (barring the slightly higher bar of writing quality Sex In The City exhibited....which only gets to be slightly higher once they made those movies...)
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Point is, I'm still waiting for my formal apology for shows like Sex and The City...but I have a feeling I won't be getting that any time soon, so no, just because a crappy and obnoxious show about men exists, doesn't mean that the people subjected to it deserve an apology by my gender anymore than I am owed one.
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"Because farmers' markets are for pussies, according to We Are Men. "

LOL ^
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Going to delete without watching. And this is why CBS needs to stop copying cable shows, first The Mentalist with Psych, and now this with The Exes. Stop it. Right now.
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Remember when they copied Dexter with that show about a serial killer with a code of honor, but took out all the blo...waitaminute...
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Heh heh. Thanks, writers' strike, that's the only way I've gotten to see Dexter!
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I didn't make it to the first commercial before deleting it from my recorded shows.

I'm especially disappointed in Tony Shaloub. After all those wonderful seasons as Monk, why would he jump into a series like this? You would think that he would have had his choice of how and when to return to series TV.

This show was written by junior high school boys for junior high school boys. . .and even then it misses the mark.


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After all those wonderful seasons as Monk, why would he jump into a series like this?

a. he is out of work
b. the money

This show was written by junior high school boys for junior high school boys

With their hand down the front of their pants. This show out-Lorre's Lorre.

Here's hoping the white trash in America don't keep this on the air.

Tim, kudos on the apology. Never seen that before from a reviewer. Now if only Scott Buck would apologize for the Dexter finale............nah, I'd still hate his guts. :O)
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This sounds a lot like another Jerry O'Connell comedy show called Carpoolers except they are single.
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wow, so glad i didnt watch this.

also farmers markets are awesome. they have so much great food/beverages.
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You are not forgiven, Tim. I know this show isn't your fault, but I was unaware of the its' existence until I read this article that you, a man, a man at fault, wrote.

What in the world has happened to Shaloub, O'Connell, and that other guy who used to be on House? Where have their careers gone that this crap seemed like a good idea to them? What has happened to their pride? Ugh.
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Well, Kal Penn went to work in the White House for a while under Obama, which is why he left House. Sounds like he should have stayed there.
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Its, not its'. My kingdom for an EDIT button. All the changes they've made to the site recently, but no edit button.
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I know !!! Unacceptable. You know how many times I've made a post and then realised that I've made some stupid grammatical error and they won't allow me change it. It's like they want to give ammunition to the grammar nazis out there. Sort it out people.
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Yes, blame others for our own inabilities at previewing before clicking submit!!!
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Well, it's nott a typewriter. Does anyone remembe typewriters? Even some fancy typewriters would let you go back a fewe characters with built-in whiteout. Not having an edit button is like this show - just realy ill conceived.
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I didn't watch the show, but this sounds like Barney, from HIMYM, when he was at his most pathetic-- trying to continue his "awesome" one night stand life even though it was painfully obvious that he had outgrown it. But instead of having a good set of characters to balance out the show, We Are Men is Barney being surrounded by 3 other Barney's in the same situation. Terrible idea! Not only is the lack of character diversity unappealing, but that low point was a major part of Barney's character arc that he had to earn and then overcome. Why would we want to be thrust into something like that multiplied by 4?
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Right well then If it's so bad get this crap off and Put Mike & Molly back on
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Sooo Men of a certain age gets cancelled and this type of crap gets the greenlight? I have this on my deadpool so this review is looking promising...
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Wow, all over America, at the stroke of 8:00, or whenever this gem starts, I can hear the sound of men unlocking the chain to the radiator in the kitchen, ordering their wimmen folk to put down their pots and pans, untie their aprons, tear their babies from their breasts, get the beer and pretzels, and join them on the couch to watch this 1947 regressive comedy.

Then, all over America, at the stroke of 8:30, or whenever this gem ends, I can hear the sound of men ordering their wimmen folk to put the babies to bed, follow them into the bedroom, chain them back up to the leg of the bed, and do whatever it is they want, since they are the lords and masters of their households, and the wimmen folk best not forget it.

Rob Greenberg, CBS: are you f'ing kidding me?

Gloria Steinhem: how f'ing far HAVEN'T we come, sister?

Too bad I wouldn't tolerate this show in a month of Sundays, it would be a PERFECT show for me to hate, with the heat of two suns.

Oh well, enjoy boys. It will no doubt be a big hit with the trailer trash who loves the Duck aholes.
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I strongly disagree with the opening premise of your article, but that issue seems far too nuanced to discuss here. I said this in another article, but marriage is a crapshoot. The media has destroyed any husbandry and fatherhood as paths to a positive attitude; no guy wants to grow up to be a fat schlub with a super-hot wife. In fact, that idea may not be too far off, considering statistics show us that women tend to take most of the agency in marital decisions, etc. There's a 50/50 chance of divorce and with every successive marriage, the chance rises. According to the department of Health and Human services, women receive custody in 92% of cases of illegitimacy or divorce. So, which looks like the better option now? Stay a bachelor forever and do what you want, or become a money fountain for a bitter ex-wife and a kid you'll hardly see, if ever.
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I agree. How many comedies have their been where the husband is some beer-guzzling doofus while his wife is the brilliant and beautiful head of the household.
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A similar portrayal is rampant in commercials. Sooooo many of them feature husbands/fathers who are either totally absent or, if they are present, are clearly schlubby doofuses (doofi?) who are intellectually hard-pressed just to guzzle beer, fart and not run themselves over with their own car.

Perhaps my least favorite variation of this (and I've seen it in many, many ads) is the "stupid" dad who gets taught a valuable/humiliating lesson by his eight-year-old daughter. And it's always a young girl that puts him down, never a young boy.

It's funny that what I assume is still the largely male-dominated world of advertising continues to insist on presenting men as boorish dolts. Frankly, I don't like to see either a husband/dad or a wife/mom made out to be so clearly superior to the other half of the team. Real people tend to seek out their own levels in others, and ads that portray general equality in a relationship are by far the best and most accurate.

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well, how about stop dating like a brain amputated moron? you know, it really is that easy: be smart with your choice of partner. if you have to marry and/or breed, do it with someone you like, someone you have things in common with, someone you agree with on the important questions in life, someone you've known long enough to feel safe with, even in a crisis. but if you're a fan of being dumb and shallow and you want to continue dating dumb and shallow people, you know what would seriously help with that? help with keeping things fair for everybody involved? gender equality. fight for it, do something! don't just go around making stupid decisions and then blame everybody else for your misery.
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Men don't have any rights that women don't have in the first world. Blaming the failing marriage rate on stupidity and shallowness is definitively reductive.
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the law is one thing, social behaviour is a very different and seperate thing. yes, in the countries where you and I live we all have the same rights (I have no idea where you're from, but I have no reason to doubt you on that one), but does that make us equal? as in: are we treated exactly the same in any kind of situation? hell no. just think it through, try to imagine a gender blind society and look at the differences. the reason why more women are burdened with childcare after a divorce then men isn't because some law says so, it's because some person decided so in each case. and the sorce of the imbalance is sexism.

also, I was not talking about the "failing marriage rate" in general, I was talking about your attitude specifically.
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I completely agree that women should be drafted, and that they shouldn't receive scholarships and benefits purely on the basis of being women, and that shelters for male abuse victims should go unopposed. Also, you're a woman? Not that it's relevant. But it seems like an odd thing to bring up in discussion.
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@zeofan1 so whenever a woman uses the words "gender equality" or "sexism" you just naturally assume that she sees herself as the victim, huh? it goes both ways, of course it does. men can be the victims of sexism just as well as women can and we all win with gender equality, nobody has to give up anything. let that sink in for a while and then read my posts again.
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Actually feminists fought for preferential custody of the children. Ever heard of NOW or The Tender Years Doctrine? I agree that it's sexism, but not aimed in the direction you're thinking. And I don't think treating people as though they're different means treating people unequally; when we recognize the differences between the sexes rather than pretending they aren't there, compromises between the two are made much more easily. Social androgyny is impossible and impractical.

What's that about my attitude?
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Could you attempt to explain your point of view? Are you speaking from experience?
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Sorry, but receiving custody of your children is considered winning. Everyone I've ever met who has gone through a divorce wanted the children more than anything else.

HAHAHAHA!
I don't even know where to start with you?
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Sorry, but receiving custody of your children is considered winning. Everyone I've ever met who has gone through a divorce wanted the children more than anything else.
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Agreed. Their may have been an issue for centuries but not in my lifetime. There will always be prejudice but men can lose out on jobs because of their sex too. Maybe women should write an article complaining about sex and the city. I also agree that women legally have more rights but it all comes down to individuals. I've four sisters so i know how to behave in society, so don't feel you have to defend all men.
So Tim dont apologise for me, if YOU meet the criteria you mentioned in the opening of your post apologise for yourself, or maybe you only wrote this to get action yourself.........
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correction 'there' instead of 'their' ahhhhh
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This will be cancelled before the end of the year IMO.

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Here's hoping. I 'think' it was on my Cancel List, or at least it should have been.

And here I thought Robin Williams was the worst thing to happen to current television.

What a world.
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Oh dear *GOD*, I hope so.......I really, REALLY hope so. I know I can't get a brain scrape, but I *really* wish they existed right now.
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Though she is probably only in the pilot. I love Jenna from Wilford.
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Sigh, this is not on my Dead Pool :(
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Why they give this pilot a series order?! Really this is crap and that is a nice word for it! Not sure how Frank Russo got him self into this crap!
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So it's a CBS show for people who don't think Two and a Half Men has enough male chauvinism and sexist behavior.

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I enjoyed it.

I think that there was too much story for a half hour, which resulted in less character development. Due to this lack of character development, it's difficult to see that these men are broken. For example, I can see Stuart as once being a perfectly nice and charming person, but after an awful divorce from his first wife, and then going through yet another divorce I can understand how that could take a toll on a person. I think that if the pilot took the time to develop these characters and show what they used to be like, before their views of relationships were destroyed by divorces, bad relationships, and poor choices, then we as an audience would be much more forgiving of their flaws. I hope this show takes time to explore what these men were once like, and makes them believable characters. I think it could be really good if it took a hard look at 21st century marriages, while still keeping a goofy tone.

Then again I may be expecting way too much out of this show.
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I watched this show. I'm not sure why. I think it was Kal Penn.

First off, Tim, I'd like to say I did laugh pretty hard at that part too. That was really funny, and unfortunately, the only true funny part of this whole show. I might've smirked once too...

I'm not as unabashedly hateful as Tim might be on this, because there are guys like this in real life, and I don't feel like everyone on TV needs to be a role model. The 4 guys in this show don't represent me, so if they want to be shallow and get laid then that's fine. The problem is the show isn't very good, and that's a problem. I agree that if they were portrayed as morons it might work. I also think that if they turned it slightly dramedy, and had these guys slowly come to realize their faults and become better people it would work too. Unfortunately, A.) that won't happen, and B.) the audience wouldn't stick around long enough even if it did.

How can a show with this good a cast be so bad? I'm not sure. I won't lie though, I kind of want to come back next week and see if it remains as bad.
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Great review, Tim. Both my husband and I watched the show, and you captured it perfectly (and amusingly).
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Wow, after reading this now I'm really glad I picked it for the Dead Pool. Die a quick death, "We Are Men"!
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Maybe he should just go ahead and jump into the dead pool instead...
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Staff
*liked*
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As a woman, I thank you for your apologies, and to remind the world in the face of so much wtf-ness that not all men are like that.
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on behalf of all women everywhere, I accept your apology and I thank you for being better than that.
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I actually met a kid who got a nose bleed from jumping into the pool so that makes absolutely no sense to me. As an Asian woman .... Sigh this plus dads?
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Spot on with the review, Tim. I couldn't imagine any of those characters being so unlikeable, and none of them really had his own personality, just varying levels of douchiness, and watching the show felt like I was visiting a boozed-and-sexed up frat house with run-of-the-mill frat boys who will shove you in a locker if you aren't "cool" enough to be around them. And I agree about the part that they could have made it better if they made them loveable doofuses, but instead the show wants us to "fistpump" the screen every time one of the characters does something to assert his "manhood."
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"We Are Men's pilot was not funny. However, I did laugh one time: when Gil said he would take care of his nose bleed by jumping into the pool."

-agreed
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