Title Card: The title card appears on potato chips bags.
Andy: So, what's the destination, boss?
Nancy: That's the third time you've asked that.
Andy: Third time's the charm.
Nancy: Right now it's destination away from where we were.
Andy: (to Nancy) Are you totally freaked that the fruit of your loins is a killer fruit?
Andy: Oh, man. I was wondering when she was gonna blow.
Silas: Yeah. She's pretty pissed.
Andy: Well, he bludgeoned a woman to death with a mallet. He should be chastised.
Nancy: Listen. What you did was not okay. It was dangerous and foolish, and now we're all paying for it.
Shane: Well, that's no way to say thank you.
Shane: I saved your ass. I saved all our asses.
Nancy: Do you even hear yourself? You're a kid. You're supposed to be out playing baseball, not clubbing people to death. I'm the mother. I decide who gets clubbed. I do the clubbing, not you. When you're 18... uh, 21... Feel free to take a stick...
Shane: Croquet mallet!
Nancy: Whatever sporting good you desire! Club whoever you like, go to prison for the rest of your life. But meantime, your only job is to do kid things. Video games, broken curfews, peeps in the microwave. That was my mess to fix, not yours.
Shane: Am I grounded?
Silas: What the hell is in Canada?
Nancy: Distance between us and what happened last night.
Shane: We could put the baby in a cooler, sedate him with cough syrup, tape it shut, put tiny air holes in the top.
Andy: Tiny air holes! That's the spirit! You're a murderer, but you got moxie, kid. Now, where can we get a cooler?
Silas: I'm gonna shave my head.
Shane: Ohh. You'll be so hardcore. Maybe you should get a switchblade that flips out of a comb. Or maybe you should just get a comb that looks like a switchblade so you don't accidentally cut yourself.
Nancy: (to Stevie) I love that you sleep all the time. I know a mother's not supposed to say that, but I do.
Silas: Why "The Chinaman"?
Billy: Why not?
Silas: You're not Chinese.
Billy: And you're not Mike, Mike.
Nancy: The Newmans will succeed where the Botwins failed. They will live a normal life. They will find jobs. They will... go to school. They will have hobbies. They will live a quiet under-the-radar life. The Newmans... will be a family.
Silas: What if I'm having second thoughts about being Mike?
Nancy: It's too late, Michael. We're out of Hooters gift cards.
Original International Air Dates:
Czech Republic: January 4, 2011 on HBO Comedy
United Kingdom: January 9, 2012 on Sky ATLANTIC/Sky ATLANTIC HD
Kevin Nealon (Doug Wilson) is credited but does not appear.
This episode is rated TV-MA for violence, graphic language and adult content.