Season 5 Episode 5

Van Nuys

Aired Sunday 10:00 PM Jul 06, 2009 on Showtime
out of 10
User Rating
179 votes

By TV.com Users

Episode Summary

Nancy talks with her obstetrician about ending the pregnancy. After his teacher took his pot, Shane needs some help to get it back. Andy is still trying to get access to his late brother's bank account. Meanwhile, Silas and Doug need to see "The Wizard" to make their pot selling dreams come true.moreless

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  • Nancy runs, Celia returns and makes me angry

    This week's episode of Weeds contained some funny parts, some awkward fight scenes and a nice twist at the end. Five years into this show, we shouldn't expect anything more or less.

    The problem with Weeds is that the show really needs an editor who can get rid of some of the awkward moments in these episodes. Remember last year Shane was masturbating to pictures of his Mom? Well, this year we get Andy sleeping with one of his brother's ex-girlfriends while pretending to be him and doing so in front of a few homeless people. Even Family Guy would not do something like that.

    But the show still is a step up from last year with some genuinely laugh out loud moments. If only they would kill Celia off...moreless
  • The good and the bad

    This show should be about Weed(s), but instead of it the storyline was more about the totally depressing Nancy and her weird maffioso friends. Add a complete **** up and self-loathing Celia to it and do the math = low rates, no fun. I always enjoyed the character Andy, but he's into some weird S H I T lately. Please writers of Weeds, give him a nice, good looking weirdo instead of an annoying sister and wanking homeless people. The character Andy deserves a lot better ;)

    So a little summary:

    Nancy = depressing (doesn't go along very well with, uhm, the green ;)

    Celia = KILL KILL KILL

    Andy = could be awesome

    Doug and Silas = very OK

    Ignacio's and Shane = GREAT!

    The first episodes of this season SUCKED hardcore. I still don't know what the writers were thinking, writing that crap. But there's a little turnaround we all noticed I think. Let's hope Weeds will be fun to watch in the future!moreless
  • this season keeps getting better

    Just like almost all the other weed fans, i was very dissapointed with the first 3 episodes of this season because it seemed that the 3 episodes had all the same plot. Now the plot is getting deeper into the season with the roy till episode last week. this episode we see doug and silas bond more as they see then screw up the meeting with the wizard(although i do not think that the wizard is out of it) and shane shaking down his pot stealing teacher by shooting his teachers pet bird. i did not like the scene where the writers though it was neccesary to have a bunch of bums masturbating I thought it was very smart for nancy to move in with esteban at the end because this will obviously open up many new story lines. hopefully this season will become like the first 4 seasons where its good nonstop, cause i would hate to think that weeds has lost its fizz. BTW does any1 else hope that they kill off celia this season?moreless
  • Nancy decides to flee..but there is a catch to that

    The show is getting more and more entertaining indeed. We are still a couple of steps behind the Weeds that was on air 3 years back, and nor do I want the show to replicate the old strategy. But still, there are still some parts that the show can do without.

    For one, Celia is definitely getting more annoying throwing her blackmail tantrums. I am a grown up, and I do not mind some explicit material. But the scenes where Andy makes out with the Judah's ex, and sees or imagines a bunch of vagabonds jerking off, really grossed me out. With that said, I am loving the new chemistry between Doug and Silas. Shane using Ignacio's help to retrieve his pot was hilarious. I am not sure, if we'll get to see this side of Shane again. Of course, this is dangerous territory, and not a lot of parent's with children of that age would approve such material, though given the fact this is R-rated comedy.

    Well, the important turnaround here was Nancy choosing Estaban over Andy. Not much is revealed though, and the suspense is put on hold.moreless
Larry Joe Campbell

Larry Joe Campbell

Deputy C.P. Jones

Guest Star

James Urbaniak

James Urbaniak

The Wizard

Guest Star

Todd Robert Anderson

Todd Robert Anderson

Mr. Sundasky

Guest Star

Alanis Morissette

Alanis Morissette

Dr. Audra Kitson

Recurring Role

Demian Bichir

Demian Bichir

Carlos Esteban Reyes

Recurring Role

Hemky Madera

Hemky Madera


Recurring Role

Trivia, Notes, Quotes and Allusions


  • TRIVIA (0)

  • QUOTES (11)

    • Doug: Hey, I was a well respected CPA.
      Silas: Notice the use of the past tense.
      Doug: You hurtful toothy little shit, (pauses for a while) teethy!
      Silas: Manboobs.
      Doug: No, You don't make up the names, that's my thing. Goldilocks. No I could do better, mormonface.
      Silas: Gigantor, embezzler, girlfriend-deporter.
      Doug: Stop it! Deafgirl-fucker, Deaf fucker.
      Silas: Bad Dad. Abandoner.
      Doug: Orphan. Father Killer.

    • Nancy: I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do...Andy. It isn't safe here anymore - it's all wrong. You know Celia's living in the garage.
      Andy: Yes, we had a nice long conversation about what happens when flesh its acid.
      Nancy: Ah, why is fucking Armageddon always coming down on me?
      Andy: You do it. You do know that? You have to know that it's all you. (Nancy tears up, looks away and nods her head. She turns towards him and hugs his knees, resting her head on them for comfort) Forget Van Nuys, keep the baby it does not matter. But we leave.
      Nancy: Shane did something so-
      Andy : That's why we have to go. It's not safe here. Even your plants...
      Nancy: But, Esteban I can't-
      Andy: Leave him a note.
      Nancy: A note?
      Andy: Write him a note like the olden times (Nancy chuckles)...break his heart in ink. He will understand if he loves you.
      Nancy: I do have nice handwriting.
      Andy: And in the morning we go. I'll throw some ambien in Ignacio's smoothie (Nancy laughs) and we hit the road as soon as his eyes close, okay?
      Nancy: Oh, Andy.
      Andy: And tomorrow night we're someplace NEW. It doesn't even have to be Copenhagen. (Nancy laughs) It can be fucking Van Nuys...W-wherever. We're a family...and then we're done with all this and we'll be safe. I know that I'm just you know, I'm Andy but we could be more. I would like to try. (Nancy sighs not taking her eyes off him) Okay?
      Nancy: (she almost laughs at the absurdity of their lives) Okay. (she takes his hand and kisses the side of it before resting her head back down)

    • (After Shane's apology)
      Teacher: You're getting an F, now get the fuck out.
      Nancy: Okay, that wasn't necessary.
      Teacher: You killed Seacrest.
      Nancy: And he apologized.
      Teacher: (pushes Shane down) Get the fuck out of my apartment.
      Nancy: (Puts her purse down. Through gritted teeth) Oh, that was so...that was really dumb. (picks up baseball bat and strides towards Shane's teacher)
      Teacher: (backs away) What the fuck are you doing?
      Shane: Mom?
      Nancy: (traps Shane's teacher on the couch, bat under his chin) Stealing from students is a no no. It's unseemly not to mention a gross abuse of your position. You're never going to do it again, are you?
      Teacher: (choking a little bit) I won't, I'm sorry.
      Shane: Can I kick him?
      Nancy: No sweetie, by the way you're grounded. No video games, no tweetering, nothing electronic (leans a little harder on teacher's neck with bat) it's desensitizing - it puts you out of touch with your humanity. You can't afford that. (release him, drops the bat and grabs her purse, heading towards the door. Shane following amused) Remember fruits and greens, take care of him. This could be a whole new start for you. (pulls door shut behind her)

    • Shane: I'm sorry I killed your cockatoo it was an innocent casualty of youthful vengeance, it taught me a valuable lesson about the destructive power of firearms - so he's death was not in vain.

    • (Doug and Silas argue and Doug brings up Juda. Silas hits him. This sobers them both up and Silas moves in and hugs Doug who hugs him back)
      Silas: I'm sorry Doug.
      Doug: I'm sorry, I just say things. Sometimes...Sometimes I think I'm slightly retarded in the mouth. And you didn't kill your father, Shane did.
      (Silas steps back out of the hug and they look at each other awkwardly before going back to painting at opposite sides of the room)

    • (Opens freezer to find someplace for her groceries, sees a dead man lying at the bottom)
      Celia: (shouts and drops her groceries) Dead Mexican! (races out of the garage and up the stairs repeating herself, she burst into Nancy's bedroom) Dead Mexican! (races out, Nancy opens her eyes slowly)

    • (After storming into Shane's English teacher's apartment, getting the weed back and taking some other stuff)
      Ignacio: Now, shoot him in the leg.
      Shane: (fires at the bird, it squawks and they all jump. Feathers fly everywhere. Shane looks shocked)
      Ignacio: Not the bird! (Ignacio cries horrified, he gets upset) I meant the man. (signs the cross) Poor little birdy. Go, go go! (he shoos them out)

    • Police officer: You should go see the Wizard.
      Silas: Who?
      Police officer: Buddy of mine from high school dropped out went into real estate- market tanked, so now he's a pot agent.
      Silas: Pot growers have agents?
      Police officer: Oh sure, growers are usually too stoned to do math.
      Doug: That's true, math is hard.
      Police officer: I'll set up a meeting for you Si.
      Doug: Ooh me too, me too! I want to hook up for the meeting and the buying.
      Silas: Negotiations can be tricky Doug.
      Doug: Fuck off! I'm a master negotiator.

    • (Nancy and Andy bring a bunch of herbs back home: Nancy listing them off and Andy mentioning all the bad things he can think of - neither listening to the other)
      Nancy: What do you think of coriander?
      Andy: I think nothing of coriander! ....Although it's nice in a curry. You have to get rid of this baby.
      Nancy: No I don't.
      Andy: Flush it. Listen, I'm coming into some money. We'll run and get a fresh start. These are very dark waters your swimming in even for you. Nancy what are you doing with all this stuff?
      Nancy: We'll plant things, they'll bloom and flourish and smell good and maybe the moods will rise and the dark waters will clear.
      Andy: Money. Bricks of it wrapped in those...
      Nancy: (covering her ears and walking away)I don't wanna hear.
      Andy: Hey, I don't wanna tell you.
      Nancy: Blah, blah, blah, blah.
      Andy: You know gophers and bunnies are gonna eat your plants.
      Nancy: (uncovers her ears) I'll build a fence.
      Andy: (trails after her) Yeah, well maybe the gophers are already inside, huh. Just waiting and growing.
      Nancy: Hey, shut up!
      Andy: Sucking the nutrients from your soil.
      Nancy: Shut up!

    • Celia: I am going into your house to take a bath.
      Nancy: Try it, and the toaster goes in with you!

    • Nancy: Why is fucking Armageddon always coming down on me, huh?
      Andy: You do it. You do know that. You have to know that; it's all you.

  • NOTES (3)

    • Featured Music:
      "Bang Bang" by Sara Schiralli
      "Choose Me Waste Me Please" by Gideon Freudmann
      "Beak Of Putrefaction" by Hatebeak

    • Original International Air Dates:
      Czech Republic: December 9, 2009 on HBO Comedy
      Australia: April 12, 2010 on GO!
      United Kingdom: May 23, 2011 on Sky ATLANTIC/Sky ATLANTIC HD

    • This episode is rated TV-MA for nudity, mild violence, graphic language and adult content.